Author | Lightnews

Mark

@vbloke.com

960 followers 140 following 1K posts

I can make birds suddenly appear every time you are near. £10/hour. He/Him Never stop punching nazis.

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Mark @vbloke.com · Feb 15

Important information

Hedgehog diagram with “head” and “chog” sections

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Mark @vbloke.com · 2h

The Curse of Oak Island narrator has a way of speaking that has never existed before with weird pauses, emphasis and short, staccato phrasing.

Mark @vbloke.com · 13h

“Leaving the EU will bring down net migration!”

*migration explodes*

“Leaving the ECHR will bring down net migration!”

The record may have changed, but the tune is the same.

Mark @vbloke.com · 15h

I’m picturing

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Mark @vbloke.com · 15h

Saw a bloke yesterday who had so much gel in his hair and had combed it so violently into a side parting, I legit thought he had Lego hair.

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Mark @vbloke.com · 15h

I still find it amazing we don't know how anaesthetics work.

We know how people react to it, we know how to dose and monitor it, and we know pretty much all the possible side effects, but not how they actually do what they do.

Mark @vbloke.com · 1d

Just walked past the Royal Courts of Justice and wondered if there was a court of justice for non-royals as well.

Mark @vbloke.com · 2d

Did you know the inventor of toothpaste is now long forgotten, but the inventor of the disclosing tablet got a blue plaque.

Mark @vbloke.com · 2d

This could be the start of something beautiful

Small dark brown bottle labelled “VIMTO SPICE BLEND”

Mark @vbloke.com · 2d

smol fren

Mark @vbloke.com · 3d

OK, this is the most disturbing halloween decorations I’ve seen yet.

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Mark @vbloke.com · 4d

How many Reform voters does it take to change a lightbulb?

None; they prefer being gaslit.

Mark @vbloke.com · 4d

Just ordered 10 litres of 95% alcohol as the place I usually order from is shutting down and everywhere else is way more expensive.

Mark @vbloke.com · 5d

You gotta be fucking kidding

Mark @vbloke.com · 5d

This seems.... not ideal.

Screenshot of a BBC article.
"U.S. Antarctic research outpost 31 to shut for winter as unidentified infection spreads"

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Mark @vbloke.com · 9d

#Greenwich peeps!
If you fancy learning how to read the night sky - from constellations, to meteors and comets, via the moon and planets, sign up for my awesome 2 lesson course at @mycenaehouse.bsky.social in February 2026!

stargazingforbeginners.co.uk

Home | Stargazing for Beginners

Book now If you cannot pay by card online, please contact us to reserve a space.

stargazingforbeginners.co.uk

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Mark @vbloke.com · 9d

If you lose a leg, your BMI goes down.

If you lose both legs, your BMI goes up.

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Mark @vbloke.com · 10d

2pm on the day after the clocks go back and I can’t tell if it’s going dark already, or if it’s just very, very overcast and grey.

Mark @vbloke.com · 11d

These are 3 variations on a cola recipe I’m playing with. The flavour profiles, based on the mix of ingredients should hopefully come out nicely once they’ve aged and matured.

Hopefully somewhat like Coke, Pepsi and Fentiman’s if I have my ratios right.

Mark @vbloke.com · 12d

Petition to name the new White House extension the “Barack Oballroom”

Mark @vbloke.com · 13d

If everyone in Britain jumped up and landed at exactly 1am on Saturday, I reckon we could move the whole country around 15 degrees, negating the need to change the clocks.

Mark @vbloke.com · 14d

I need these

I may have a touch of the ‘tism badge with a frog on it.

Can you repeat the part about the stuff where you said all of the things badge brain fog.

Mark @vbloke.com · 16d

I fully get behind people boycotting Amazon.

However, since a massive chunk of the internet runs on AWS infrastructure, you literally cannot avoid them unless you go pretty much 100% offline.

Mark @vbloke.com · 17d

That was pretty much the reason I bought the thing. Makes an epic rotisserie chicken.

Mark @vbloke.com · 17d

My brother has gone so far down the whackadoodle rabbit hole he won’t even use a microwave because “radiation”.

I swear for his 50th, I’m going to hire a sky writer to spell out “chemtrails aren’t real” above him all day.

Mark @vbloke.com · 17d

I would argue for mine in that it has a rotisserie function as well which is perfect for a small chicken and kebabs.