Funjabi
@twerkvonnegut.bsky.social
Dispatches from the undercommons.
Wife of Andy. Daughter of a typo. Mother of chaos.
#Boulder adjacent #CO
Wife of Andy. Daughter of a typo. Mother of chaos.
#Boulder adjacent #CO
Please for God’s sake somebody make a hotline for kids to call whenever they want to start a sentence with “Look at this…” and do something like put a water bottle on their toe
December 8, 2025 at 3:04 AM
Please for God’s sake somebody make a hotline for kids to call whenever they want to start a sentence with “Look at this…” and do something like put a water bottle on their toe
I swear our chihuahua-daschund is my own little cortisol barista. The noise, the mess, the fear, the worry, but also delicious and in an adorable and expensive little container.
December 7, 2025 at 6:49 PM
I swear our chihuahua-daschund is my own little cortisol barista. The noise, the mess, the fear, the worry, but also delicious and in an adorable and expensive little container.
How the hell does a 60lb child eat like she’s prepping for Olympic qualifiers? I fainted yesterday & made extra eggs this AM so I have bfast today, & she just ate it all. My ob/gyn once said during pregnancy “this fetus will absolutely kill you in order to survive“ & it’s still true 10 years later!
December 7, 2025 at 3:24 PM
How the hell does a 60lb child eat like she’s prepping for Olympic qualifiers? I fainted yesterday & made extra eggs this AM so I have bfast today, & she just ate it all. My ob/gyn once said during pregnancy “this fetus will absolutely kill you in order to survive“ & it’s still true 10 years later!
I reflexively give my niephlings $5 every time I see them. They know to set aside 10% of that money to buy Christmas, birthday, and Mother’s Day presents. If I see video games and a sad mom, we’re having a chat. Nobody knows the feeling of an empty Christmas stocking like a single mom.
December 7, 2025 at 3:15 PM
I reflexively give my niephlings $5 every time I see them. They know to set aside 10% of that money to buy Christmas, birthday, and Mother’s Day presents. If I see video games and a sad mom, we’re having a chat. Nobody knows the feeling of an empty Christmas stocking like a single mom.
My girls were talking while playing the Game of Life about how the Wizard is an alcoholic who incited such violence against his daughter that she had to fake her death … over the course of the game they both tossed their ”Life” husbands out of the car & replaced them with pets. They chose the bear
December 7, 2025 at 2:13 PM
My girls were talking while playing the Game of Life about how the Wizard is an alcoholic who incited such violence against his daughter that she had to fake her death … over the course of the game they both tossed their ”Life” husbands out of the car & replaced them with pets. They chose the bear
Reposted by Funjabi
My dad abhors any negative comments about immigrants. Asked him recently why he’s so strong on it: ‘Because we’re always happy to take the rich and clever ones. Which means it’s not about disliking immigrants. It’s about disliking the poor and vulnerable. And that’s a bad human instinct.’
December 7, 2025 at 8:31 AM
My dad abhors any negative comments about immigrants. Asked him recently why he’s so strong on it: ‘Because we’re always happy to take the rich and clever ones. Which means it’s not about disliking immigrants. It’s about disliking the poor and vulnerable. And that’s a bad human instinct.’
Reposted by Funjabi
no, I said I wanted a tradewife. like a union electrician
July 11, 2025 at 4:31 PM
no, I said I wanted a tradewife. like a union electrician
::Sings National Anthem::
Breaking bad was about a guy who had many opportunities for his healthcare to be paid for (his former business partners, jrs accidental money laundering go fund me), but he preferred selling meth because ruining other people's lives feels more manly than accepting gifts.
December 7, 2025 at 4:38 AM
::Sings National Anthem::
Here’s nonsense questions about #Wicked no one asked for: Her skin is chlorophyll-adjacent. He is a burlap sack filled with straw. This is not a moisturized couple, but there is no Walgreens in sight. What’s the lube situation? If they can have babies, would they be little green scarecrows?
December 7, 2025 at 4:23 AM
Here’s nonsense questions about #Wicked no one asked for: Her skin is chlorophyll-adjacent. He is a burlap sack filled with straw. This is not a moisturized couple, but there is no Walgreens in sight. What’s the lube situation? If they can have babies, would they be little green scarecrows?
Women’s health is not interchangeable with maternal health. Dickheads
December 7, 2025 at 1:56 AM
Women’s health is not interchangeable with maternal health. Dickheads
The brazenness of this list
“The countries presently on the full travel ban list are Afghanistan, Myanmar, Chad, Congo, Equatorial Guinea, Eritrea, Haiti, Iran, Libya, Somalia, Sudan, and Yemen. Those on the partial ban list are Burundi, Cuba, Laos, Sierra Leone, Togo, Turkmenistan and Venezuela.”
“The countries presently on the full travel ban list are Afghanistan, Myanmar, Chad, Congo, Equatorial Guinea, Eritrea, Haiti, Iran, Libya, Somalia, Sudan, and Yemen. Those on the partial ban list are Burundi, Cuba, Laos, Sierra Leone, Togo, Turkmenistan and Venezuela.”
December 7, 2025 at 1:41 AM
The brazenness of this list
“The countries presently on the full travel ban list are Afghanistan, Myanmar, Chad, Congo, Equatorial Guinea, Eritrea, Haiti, Iran, Libya, Somalia, Sudan, and Yemen. Those on the partial ban list are Burundi, Cuba, Laos, Sierra Leone, Togo, Turkmenistan and Venezuela.”
“The countries presently on the full travel ban list are Afghanistan, Myanmar, Chad, Congo, Equatorial Guinea, Eritrea, Haiti, Iran, Libya, Somalia, Sudan, and Yemen. Those on the partial ban list are Burundi, Cuba, Laos, Sierra Leone, Togo, Turkmenistan and Venezuela.”
After asking a bunch of questions to puzzle out the why behind some behavior, my kid’s teacher recently said, “Oh. Of course she’s a chaos scientist. You trained her.”
A little tear of pride ran down my cheek
A little tear of pride ran down my cheek
December 7, 2025 at 1:32 AM
After asking a bunch of questions to puzzle out the why behind some behavior, my kid’s teacher recently said, “Oh. Of course she’s a chaos scientist. You trained her.”
A little tear of pride ran down my cheek
A little tear of pride ran down my cheek
I’m just going to start invoicing my girlfriends’s boyfriends or husbands for all the time I spend triaging the bullshit and chaos they cause in their partners’s lives. $250/hr for labor these men benefit from and refuse to see. Every BIWoC needs to make this best practice
December 7, 2025 at 12:29 AM
I’m just going to start invoicing my girlfriends’s boyfriends or husbands for all the time I spend triaging the bullshit and chaos they cause in their partners’s lives. $250/hr for labor these men benefit from and refuse to see. Every BIWoC needs to make this best practice
Reposted by Funjabi
I think of this post about once a week.
December 6, 2025 at 10:04 PM
I think of this post about once a week.
World leaders, activists, and Nobel laureates:
Wow peace is really hard.
FIFA:
What if we gave it to a guy because he showed up to a draw ceremony?
Wow peace is really hard.
FIFA:
What if we gave it to a guy because he showed up to a draw ceremony?
December 6, 2025 at 10:54 AM
World leaders, activists, and Nobel laureates:
Wow peace is really hard.
FIFA:
What if we gave it to a guy because he showed up to a draw ceremony?
Wow peace is really hard.
FIFA:
What if we gave it to a guy because he showed up to a draw ceremony?
Reposted by Funjabi
The Nobel Prize committee should announce the World Cup winner tomorrow
December 6, 2025 at 4:29 AM
The Nobel Prize committee should announce the World Cup winner tomorrow
Every so often I‘ll meet a person who behaves as though something is wrong if they’re not always happy. 24/7 happy is not normal. Happiness is a weather pattern, not a moral report. If you expect constant happiness, every human becomes a disappointment & every day becomes a crisis.
December 6, 2025 at 10:08 AM
Every so often I‘ll meet a person who behaves as though something is wrong if they’re not always happy. 24/7 happy is not normal. Happiness is a weather pattern, not a moral report. If you expect constant happiness, every human becomes a disappointment & every day becomes a crisis.
Shields, not swords
December 6, 2025 at 8:57 AM
Shields, not swords
I will toss my cell into the ocean once my kid is old enough to not need me to be available 24/7. And fuck email.
I also hate FedEx, but landlines, UPS and USPS are acceptable. I’m most comfortable with TVs that only have 5 channels and that stop broadcasting at 1am.
1995 is my love language
I also hate FedEx, but landlines, UPS and USPS are acceptable. I’m most comfortable with TVs that only have 5 channels and that stop broadcasting at 1am.
1995 is my love language
December 6, 2025 at 12:49 AM
I will toss my cell into the ocean once my kid is old enough to not need me to be available 24/7. And fuck email.
I also hate FedEx, but landlines, UPS and USPS are acceptable. I’m most comfortable with TVs that only have 5 channels and that stop broadcasting at 1am.
1995 is my love language
I also hate FedEx, but landlines, UPS and USPS are acceptable. I’m most comfortable with TVs that only have 5 channels and that stop broadcasting at 1am.
1995 is my love language
I have ADHD… my mind doesn’t wander; it scouts. And it’s not that I’m unfriendly or incapable of small talk, but I’m just unwilling to narrate the obvious. Sometimes people mistake that clarity for a threat bc they’ve never met someone who doesn’t need their permission to think
December 5, 2025 at 4:27 PM
I have ADHD… my mind doesn’t wander; it scouts. And it’s not that I’m unfriendly or incapable of small talk, but I’m just unwilling to narrate the obvious. Sometimes people mistake that clarity for a threat bc they’ve never met someone who doesn’t need their permission to think
Huxley once said in a BBC interview, “Technology was made for the use of man. Man was not made for the use of technology.” To make use of this principle in cybersecurity, we have to reject “blame the user“ design & stop pushing the cognitive load onto them. Much more to say on the topic
December 5, 2025 at 3:14 PM
Huxley once said in a BBC interview, “Technology was made for the use of man. Man was not made for the use of technology.” To make use of this principle in cybersecurity, we have to reject “blame the user“ design & stop pushing the cognitive load onto them. Much more to say on the topic
”Other countries have safety nets. The US has women.”
“Their labor creates the illusion of a DIY society, making it seem like we don't need a net.”
This is my new favorite quote. Can’t believe how long it took me to discover this book. Buying it today from my local bookstore
“Their labor creates the illusion of a DIY society, making it seem like we don't need a net.”
This is my new favorite quote. Can’t believe how long it took me to discover this book. Buying it today from my local bookstore
Other countries have safety nets. The US has women.
Their labor creates the illusion of a DIY society, making it seem like we don't need a net.
Writing HOLDING IT TOGETHER was a labor of love and fury and I'm so grateful to share it with you all #PubDay
www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/697130...
Their labor creates the illusion of a DIY society, making it seem like we don't need a net.
Writing HOLDING IT TOGETHER was a labor of love and fury and I'm so grateful to share it with you all #PubDay
www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/697130...
December 5, 2025 at 2:44 PM
”Other countries have safety nets. The US has women.”
“Their labor creates the illusion of a DIY society, making it seem like we don't need a net.”
This is my new favorite quote. Can’t believe how long it took me to discover this book. Buying it today from my local bookstore
“Their labor creates the illusion of a DIY society, making it seem like we don't need a net.”
This is my new favorite quote. Can’t believe how long it took me to discover this book. Buying it today from my local bookstore
Anthropology as a field is inherently racist. My kid & I both have the same parasomnia/thin sleep state. I told the specialist that no one in the family going back 3 generations reports the same symptoms, to which he replied that they may have thought we were possessed
December 5, 2025 at 11:03 AM
Anthropology as a field is inherently racist. My kid & I both have the same parasomnia/thin sleep state. I told the specialist that no one in the family going back 3 generations reports the same symptoms, to which he replied that they may have thought we were possessed
What is this phrase “war crimes” as if war itself isn‘t a crime?
December 4, 2025 at 5:44 AM
What is this phrase “war crimes” as if war itself isn‘t a crime?
Someone asked me tonight, “How do you know you love someone?”
I know it’s not caretaking or nurturing or provision. Someone who hates you can do that for a paycheck or hot meals & a clean home
I decided, “When that person can’t be replaced by anyone else.”
I know it’s not caretaking or nurturing or provision. Someone who hates you can do that for a paycheck or hot meals & a clean home
I decided, “When that person can’t be replaced by anyone else.”
December 4, 2025 at 5:42 AM
Someone asked me tonight, “How do you know you love someone?”
I know it’s not caretaking or nurturing or provision. Someone who hates you can do that for a paycheck or hot meals & a clean home
I decided, “When that person can’t be replaced by anyone else.”
I know it’s not caretaking or nurturing or provision. Someone who hates you can do that for a paycheck or hot meals & a clean home
I decided, “When that person can’t be replaced by anyone else.”