Author | Lightnews

Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Jun 24

NEW YORK CITY — In what experts are calling “an evolutionary, political, and theological crisis all rolled into one,” swarms of rats wearing tiny red MAGA hats have seized large portions of Manhattan, declared several “autonomous rodent zones,” and begun issuing their own currency

BREAKING: New York Overrun by Ultra-Nationalist MAGA Rats

Demands Include Full Voting Rights, Gold-Backed Cheese Standard

open.substack.com

Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Jun 24

Every morning I wake up, look in the mirror, and see a man who could easily play the divorced but tender-hearted detective sergeant on Halifax Watch or maybe the rugged kayak instructor with a haunted past on Saskatoon Shoreline Rescue. And every morning, I curse this cruel gift.

I’m as Handsome as a Leading Man in a Canadian Drama Series, and It’s Ruining My Life

by guest writer Trent Halvorson, Insurance Claims Processor, Regional Division B

open.substack.com

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Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Jun 24

he got that dawg in him
open.substack.com/pub/taojoann...

he got that dawg in him

Gen Z ain't pressed

open.substack.com

Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Jun 21

Donny runs an egg farm. Or at least, he calls it a farm. It’s really just a cluster of half-collapsed sheds, some welded chicken wire, and a sign that says “Eggcellence in Every Shell” duct-taped to a wheelbarrow. That’s life out here in the unincorporated fringe, where zoning laws go to die and ...

Bawking Bad

Los Gallos Locos are some real bad hombres.

taojoannes.substack.com

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Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Feb 23

BREAKING: Novel Parasite discovered! Scientists announce discovery of worm that leaves eggs in bland food and consumes the hosts brain. Symptoms include watching ASMR deportation videos and saying "Fuck your feelings" #MAGA #MAGAREGRET #MUSKTRUMPADMINISTRATION #MAGABRAINWORM #SATIRE

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Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Feb 19

Wrote a new song about our nation's favorite Illegal Immigrant www.youtube.com/watch?v=2420... #ElonMusk #MuskTrumpAdmin #PresidentMusk #MAGARegret #Walkaway #Trump #Maga #DEI #Nazi #ArrestMusk

The Ballad of Elon Musk

YouTube video by Tao Joannes - Topic

www.youtube.com

Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Feb 19

Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Feb 18

His future host can't help but spill the beans.

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Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Feb 16

Congratulations RFK Jr
He came, he sputtered, he kissed Trump's behind. Three cheers for the worm ridden brain of our newest cabinet member! #HHS #MAGA #TRUMP #MAGAREGRET #WALKAWAY #FYP #FORYOU

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Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Feb 13

no clue. Have you seen my videos?
I'm thinking maybe a puppet for my own face or a co-host kinda deal www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWCt...

Take a Joke, Leave a Joke: Biloxi Baby Bin

YouTube video by Tao Joannes

www.youtube.com

Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Feb 13

started looking into it... might be interesting, what's the usual audience there? I imagine younger. Maybe pitch the propaganda for the youth!

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Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Feb 13

I guess only you know what progress you're making. Creativity is frustrating because it takes a long time to reach quality work worth being proud of. You just have to not compare yourself against the world but look at how you started and where you are now. I'm sure you've gotten somewhere

Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Feb 13

#MAGA isn't all bad. It's helping our closeted brethren find an outlet for their need to submit to a dominant man. youtu.be/t9tFwRyruHg Who knows, maybe they'll get so comfortable with themselves they won't feel the need to be so hateful. #DEI #MAGAREGRET #WALKAWAY #LGBTQIA #DADDYTRUMP #QUEERLOVE

Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Feb 13

#MAGA isn't all bad. It's helping our closeted brethren find an outlet for their need to submit to a dominant man. Who knows, maybe they'll get so comfortable with themselves they won't feel the need to be so hateful. #DEI #MAGAREGRET #WALKAWAY #LGBTQIA #DADDYTRUMP

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Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Feb 13

He lies to our faces and you love it. Is it some kind of kink? #MAGA #MAGAREGRET #PRESIDENTMUSK #TRUMPUPPET

Christopher Webb @cwebbonline.com · Feb 12

Trump: “When I win, I will immediately bring prices down, starting on Day One.”

BREAKING: US inflation heats up to 3%, higher than expected.

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Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Feb 13

Seriously, drawing a complete blank. Help me out here. I really want your joke to land. I feel like it would do wonders for your self confidence to taste some small measure of personal success. #MAGAREGRET #WALKAWAY

Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Feb 13

MAGAs love the uninvolved and poorly educated. The dumber the better. Just need to be able to get to the voting booth and know which button to push. By no means should you ever be informed or express empathy for others. #MAGA #MAGAREGRET #WALKAWAY #PRESIDENTMUSK #TRUMPUPPET

Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Feb 13

what is that? #walkaway #magaregret #DEI #presidentmusk #trumpuppet #maga

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Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Feb 13

You seem awful triggered. You would probably be served well by some self-reflection. Have you ever thought you might be a narcissist? youtu.be/3qic3GcADsc #magaregret #walkaway #maga #impeachtrump #presidentmusk #trumpuppet

America the Final Season: Narcissists All The Way Down

YouTube video by Tao Joannes

youtu.be

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Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Feb 13

that's another good one! Trump? Nope! #MAGAREGRET #WALKAWAY #PRESIDENTMUSK #TRUMPUPPET #MAGA

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Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Feb 13

The constitution doesn't provide for recalling the president, but constitutions don't matter anymore. #MAGA #RECALLTRUMP #IMPEACHTRUMP #MAGAREGRET #WALKAWAY

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Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Feb 13

clue me in whats a vtuber?

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Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Feb 13

what are you working towards?

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Tao Joannes @taojoannes.bsky.social · Feb 13

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