SwampLizard
@swamplizard.bsky.social
SLP. PhD student in Neuro. This account is mostly for posting bad political jokes as some sort of coping mechanism.
There are so many “jokes” that I thought were intended as exaggerations with a grain of truth, meant to be funny for the juxtaposition of their shock value with that grain of relatability, that I now realize are simply literal. Like, oh, this isn’t a joke. You really think and do this stuff, huh
Even setting aside not wanting to support him for jacking off in front of people, I feel like the fact that he did it undercut the entire concept of Louis CK as a comedian: that he was a man with repulsive thoughts and urges, but who had attained the self-knowledge that comes with recognizing them
When a cancelled performer reënters the culture, we expect them to offer us a great work, channelling their newfound clarity into the finest art they’ve ever made. With his new comedy show and début novel, has Louis C.K. met the bar?
www.newyorker.com/culture/crit...
www.newyorker.com/culture/crit...
November 29, 2025 at 8:37 PM
There are so many “jokes” that I thought were intended as exaggerations with a grain of truth, meant to be funny for the juxtaposition of their shock value with that grain of relatability, that I now realize are simply literal. Like, oh, this isn’t a joke. You really think and do this stuff, huh
I’ll have some macaroni and, please
Karoline Leavitt's Thanksgiving spread. Please dissect.
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article...
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article...
November 29, 2025 at 8:32 PM
I’ll have some macaroni and, please
Reposted by SwampLizard
Former US military lawyers speak out:
"The Former JAGs Working Group unanimously considers both the giving and the execution of these orders, if true, to constitute war crimes, murder, or both."
Statement on Media Reports of Pentagon “No Quarter” Orders in Caribbean Boat Strikes
1/2
"The Former JAGs Working Group unanimously considers both the giving and the execution of these orders, if true, to constitute war crimes, murder, or both."
Statement on Media Reports of Pentagon “No Quarter” Orders in Caribbean Boat Strikes
1/2
November 29, 2025 at 8:10 PM
Former US military lawyers speak out:
"The Former JAGs Working Group unanimously considers both the giving and the execution of these orders, if true, to constitute war crimes, murder, or both."
Statement on Media Reports of Pentagon “No Quarter” Orders in Caribbean Boat Strikes
1/2
"The Former JAGs Working Group unanimously considers both the giving and the execution of these orders, if true, to constitute war crimes, murder, or both."
Statement on Media Reports of Pentagon “No Quarter” Orders in Caribbean Boat Strikes
1/2
Reposted by SwampLizard
People will say anything on here. “We used to be a proper country,” no we didn’t. That’s not true.
November 29, 2025 at 6:25 PM
People will say anything on here. “We used to be a proper country,” no we didn’t. That’s not true.
There’s also the ghosts, as detailed in the 2001 epic Oscar-snubbed documentary starring Ice Cube and Jason Statham, Ghosts of Mars. Just too many risks.
think a big problem you'd run into sending a whole bunch of people to start a colony on mars is, once one guy snaps and murders somebody three months in, you're gonna see what i call a Murder Cascade and then when you finally get to Mars the only crew remaining are like, the five best murderers
November 29, 2025 at 5:47 PM
There’s also the ghosts, as detailed in the 2001 epic Oscar-snubbed documentary starring Ice Cube and Jason Statham, Ghosts of Mars. Just too many risks.
Reposted by SwampLizard
I have outsourced all of my orgasms to an AI model. While its paroxysms of ecstasy are obviously soulless, pantomimed performance, so are your wife’s, and I don’t hear you complainin’ about that.
February 12, 2025 at 6:00 PM
I have outsourced all of my orgasms to an AI model. While its paroxysms of ecstasy are obviously soulless, pantomimed performance, so are your wife’s, and I don’t hear you complainin’ about that.
Reposted by SwampLizard
Every single congressional Democrat needs to be out there, right now, insisting that Pete Hegseth resign right now and announcing that he will be held accountable for committing war crimes.
If you do not demand accountability here and now, they will only become more emboldened.
If you do not demand accountability here and now, they will only become more emboldened.
Exclusive: Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth gave an order to “kill everybody” in the first strike on suspected drug boats in the Caribbean. After two men survived, the mission commander ordered a second strike to comply with Hegseth’s instructions, according to two sources.
Hegseth order on first Caribbean boat strike, officials say: Kill them all
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth issued a verbal order to kill all crew members in the Sept. 2 strike on a suspected drug boat. Navy SEALs fired a second missile.
www.washingtonpost.com
November 28, 2025 at 7:19 PM
Every single congressional Democrat needs to be out there, right now, insisting that Pete Hegseth resign right now and announcing that he will be held accountable for committing war crimes.
If you do not demand accountability here and now, they will only become more emboldened.
If you do not demand accountability here and now, they will only become more emboldened.
Reposted by SwampLizard
Thomas Chatterton Williams & co are desperately flogging "the work right" to justify their focus on the left. The more obvious parallel is that the right is obsessed with a form of identity politics that far outstrips anything you see on a college campus, and with much more radical policy goals.
November 28, 2025 at 7:42 PM
Thomas Chatterton Williams & co are desperately flogging "the work right" to justify their focus on the left. The more obvious parallel is that the right is obsessed with a form of identity politics that far outstrips anything you see on a college campus, and with much more radical policy goals.
This probably costs less than a typical advertisement, possibly reaches more people, and is definitely more convincing!
My pho guy closes his shop on Black Friday every year and just cooks hibachi out front all day for anyone that wants it for free
November 28, 2025 at 6:44 PM
This probably costs less than a typical advertisement, possibly reaches more people, and is definitely more convincing!
Any media org (@nytimes.com, @washingtonpost.com) that continues to look for rationalizing angles for this admin is complicit it enabling this lawless, inhumane savagery against civilians. There is not a “nuanced” slant to this. We elected monsters who like killing, and they’re doing what they like.
November 28, 2025 at 6:35 PM
Any media org (@nytimes.com, @washingtonpost.com) that continues to look for rationalizing angles for this admin is complicit it enabling this lawless, inhumane savagery against civilians. There is not a “nuanced” slant to this. We elected monsters who like killing, and they’re doing what they like.
We are being governed by monsters.
This isn't a military strike. This is premeditated murder and Pete Hegseth is going to spend the rest of his fucking life rotting away in the deepest hole in Leavenworth once America is liberated from this illegitimate, illegal regime.
November 28, 2025 at 6:24 PM
We are being governed by monsters.
Reposted by SwampLizard
This isn't a military strike. This is premeditated murder and Pete Hegseth is going to spend the rest of his fucking life rotting away in the deepest hole in Leavenworth once America is liberated from this illegitimate, illegal regime.
November 28, 2025 at 6:13 PM
This isn't a military strike. This is premeditated murder and Pete Hegseth is going to spend the rest of his fucking life rotting away in the deepest hole in Leavenworth once America is liberated from this illegitimate, illegal regime.
Reposted by SwampLizard
Hi everybody,
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
Join The Onion
Don’t just read the news. Feel it. Be among the first to feel the news.
membership.theonion.com
November 28, 2025 at 4:39 PM
Hi everybody,
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
ASD is neither inside the brain, or the gut, or in the brain and gut, or in the peripheral nervous system: it’s just hanging out right over here. Huge implications for research.
November 28, 2025 at 5:57 PM
ASD is neither inside the brain, or the gut, or in the brain and gut, or in the peripheral nervous system: it’s just hanging out right over here. Huge implications for research.
(after reading a pop-up book) the jump scares felt a little cheap
There should be book clubs for babies. "I enjoyed the crinkliness of this one but I have to say the little mirror at the end was a bit predictable."
November 28, 2025 at 2:23 PM
(after reading a pop-up book) the jump scares felt a little cheap
Reposted by SwampLizard
DATE: Aren’t you the guy who tells ridiculous lies to try and impress people
ME: No, I’m the guy who once roundhouse kicked a tree to death
ME: No, I’m the guy who once roundhouse kicked a tree to death
November 26, 2025 at 6:54 PM
DATE: Aren’t you the guy who tells ridiculous lies to try and impress people
ME: No, I’m the guy who once roundhouse kicked a tree to death
ME: No, I’m the guy who once roundhouse kicked a tree to death
Me, looking for randos to voluntarily quote for major news outlets: “any far-right political activists known for virulently anti-Muslim views around here”
very odd that the Post would write up someone’s speciation as if it’s news. What are we doing here
November 27, 2025 at 6:30 AM
Me, looking for randos to voluntarily quote for major news outlets: “any far-right political activists known for virulently anti-Muslim views around here”
I think of myself as intelligent until someone starts explaining to me the rules of a board game, and then I’m some ape in a science experiment. Maybe they’ll be impressed if I do the right thing next.
November 27, 2025 at 6:26 AM
I think of myself as intelligent until someone starts explaining to me the rules of a board game, and then I’m some ape in a science experiment. Maybe they’ll be impressed if I do the right thing next.
Had my “bachelor party” tonight, which, when you’re in your mid-30s, consists of drinking moderately at Top Golf with your high school buddies. And it’s pretty dope, tbh. Who wants a sex-fueled rager when you can get buzzed and eat nachos and hit little white balls as far as you can
November 27, 2025 at 4:49 AM
Had my “bachelor party” tonight, which, when you’re in your mid-30s, consists of drinking moderately at Top Golf with your high school buddies. And it’s pretty dope, tbh. Who wants a sex-fueled rager when you can get buzzed and eat nachos and hit little white balls as far as you can
Reposted by SwampLizard
Trump: i have information about my assassination attempt that would shatter your understanding of recent history
Izzy: what is it?
Trump: they said that I’m quicker than JFK, that I have reflexes like they’ve never seen
Izzy: what is it?
Trump: they said that I’m quicker than JFK, that I have reflexes like they’ve never seen
This is a lot, but (allegedly) Olivia Nuzzi sent a secret recorder with a sketch artist to tape Trump at Mar-a-Lago so she could feed campaign intel to RFK, where [pauses to take a breath] something Trump said about his assassination attempt “would shatter our understanding of recent history”??
November 26, 2025 at 10:50 PM
Trump: i have information about my assassination attempt that would shatter your understanding of recent history
Izzy: what is it?
Trump: they said that I’m quicker than JFK, that I have reflexes like they’ve never seen
Izzy: what is it?
Trump: they said that I’m quicker than JFK, that I have reflexes like they’ve never seen
Trump: i have information about my assassination attempt that would shatter your understanding of recent history
Izzy: what is it?
Trump: they said that I’m quicker than JFK, that I have reflexes like they’ve never seen
Izzy: what is it?
Trump: they said that I’m quicker than JFK, that I have reflexes like they’ve never seen
This is a lot, but (allegedly) Olivia Nuzzi sent a secret recorder with a sketch artist to tape Trump at Mar-a-Lago so she could feed campaign intel to RFK, where [pauses to take a breath] something Trump said about his assassination attempt “would shatter our understanding of recent history”??
November 26, 2025 at 10:50 PM
Trump: i have information about my assassination attempt that would shatter your understanding of recent history
Izzy: what is it?
Trump: they said that I’m quicker than JFK, that I have reflexes like they’ve never seen
Izzy: what is it?
Trump: they said that I’m quicker than JFK, that I have reflexes like they’ve never seen
Setting up a global direct democracy system that says what we’re allowed to post about. Breathing, blinking, and yawning are approved, but borderline and potentially exclusive. 51.4% of global citizens like pumpkin pie, so we can mention that with proper qualifications.
November 26, 2025 at 10:46 PM
Setting up a global direct democracy system that says what we’re allowed to post about. Breathing, blinking, and yawning are approved, but borderline and potentially exclusive. 51.4% of global citizens like pumpkin pie, so we can mention that with proper qualifications.
Reposted by SwampLizard
This is why people spent/saved more during Lockdown.
It wasn’t the stimulus checks, it was not being required to spend all that money just to survive.
It wasn’t the stimulus checks, it was not being required to spend all that money just to survive.
November 26, 2025 at 2:13 PM
This is why people spent/saved more during Lockdown.
It wasn’t the stimulus checks, it was not being required to spend all that money just to survive.
It wasn’t the stimulus checks, it was not being required to spend all that money just to survive.
My card game of choice is Go Fish even though it’s libertarian-coded
November 26, 2025 at 10:18 PM
My card game of choice is Go Fish even though it’s libertarian-coded
A little bit of a hair trigger there, bud. You weren't, like, waiting for weeks and weeks to fire this one off? Planned it out in your head the second you decided to send them in, just waiting to wax poetic about the tragic loss and amp up the crisis you helped create? Just seem a little impatient-
The governor of West Virginia is now walking back his initial post, where he stated two National Guard members died after being shot
November 26, 2025 at 9:23 PM
A little bit of a hair trigger there, bud. You weren't, like, waiting for weeks and weeks to fire this one off? Planned it out in your head the second you decided to send them in, just waiting to wax poetic about the tragic loss and amp up the crisis you helped create? Just seem a little impatient-