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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · 1d

TWO IMPORTANT DAYS FOR ALL RED BLOODED AMERICANS

THE DAY YOU LEARN YOU WANT TO FUCK SAMUS ARAN

THE DAY YOU LEARN YOU CAN'T FUCK SAMUS ARAN

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Sep 16

Objectively speaking, The Sopranos is a very misleading television show. I just don't think the real Tony Soprano would have done all those things.

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Sep 14

In light of recent events I am only going to believe the facts I personally make up.

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Sep 12

Seeking angel investors for my startup, "Rollout", where I come to your house and change your toiler paper roll, saving you time to continue working hard at "ordering Ubereats" and "e-stalking Hasan Piker".

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Sep 3

Just finished watching every television show ever. I have no opinions on any of them.

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Sep 3

It is actually possible to fire lightening from your finger tips, after all, you know.

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Aug 27

One easy way to become really cool is running fast. It is not so easy to do, but when you reach around 10 to 12, you become cool instantly.

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Aug 26

Train hard like I do and you can learn to speak Guitar.

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Aug 26

Girls need to use the Toilet too?! Please tell me it's not true, I've been so scared since finding out I no longer sleep! HELP!

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Aug 23

Raincoat man came again today. He carried a basket of dangerous tricks, looking to deliver his little torments. #Relatable #NotToday #NotBeforeMyMorningCoffee

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Aug 17

the long line of dominoes leading to me being extremely queer started with playing streets of rage while my frontal lobe was still developing

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Aug 10

Sorry I couldn't make it to your son's funeral, I was really busy- ya, the Ark. See, I knew you wouldn't get it. Like boohoo, you lost one, but I'm out here trying to save two. Yep, two of EVERY animal! So yea, maybe consider that next time I can't make it to whatever social gathering you're having.

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Aug 9

Been creating lots of little terrorifying beasties in my lab. Horrifical meanest guys who have sharp and scarily.

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Aug 3

Divorced Man rewinds Total Recall for the fifth time that day, admiring the icon Arnold as he pulls the trigger on Sharon Stone. "Consider that a divorce," he'll chuckle to himself. His ritual complete, he tosses his keys into the air, fumbles them, then leaves to clock in at Pottery Barn.

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Jul 29

We Are So Close to the Internet being Safe and then I can go to my Favorite Websites Online without Crying for Hours because I Peed Myself in Fear, once Again.

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Jul 24

Gentle reminder that wizards may:

-practice necromancy
-substitute tail of newt with powdered lamb's eye
-seek the counsel of Dantalion
-carry vellum bearing the forbidden words on their person
-wiggle "silly style"

But they may NEVER forsake the ancient scrolls and the knowledge held within!!! :)

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Jul 23

I have SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN with theorems and numbers and shit that "PLAP" is the worst onomatopoeia!!!

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Jul 22

Writing things on the internet is cool because you can put your mental illnesses in other people's heads.

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Jul 20

Been having a hard time leveling my Pissing skill after this latest patch...

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Jul 18

Anyone see that 00s movie where Patrick Bateman kills Daft Punk a whole bunch by dancing with pistols in the city from that weird 80s Apple commercial??? I think it was called The Machinist.

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Jul 17

By inventing the Touhou Project ZUN has done more for women than Hillary Clinton ever could.

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Jul 16

Cortana! Music, now!

On it, Chief. Breaking Benjamin or Incubus?

No... Fiona Apple. I've been a bad, bad girl...

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Jul 15

Is Nubby's Number Factory yaoi???

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Jul 14

Did you seriously just put "White Pharaoh" on our hear-me-out cake?!

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🐕 @stoopitdog.bsky.social · Jul 14

Learning to speak with simians, and maybe marsupials. Basically anyone can do this...

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