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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 19h

"Ooh! Look at me. I'm making people happy.
I'm the magical man from Happy Land
In a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane."

SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 1d

"Homer, I'm afraid you'll have to undergo
a coronary bypass operation."

"Say it in english, doc."

"You're going to need open-heart surgery."

"Spare me your medical mumbo-jumbo."

"We're going to cut you open and tinker with your ticker."

"Could you dumb it down a shade?"

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 2d

"Marge, you've come to the right place.
By hiring me as your lawyer
you also get this smoking monkey.
Better cut down there, Smokey."

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 3d

"You got to give me back my floor.
My customers are walking around on the pipes!"

"Hey, next time, pay your bills."

"But I don't want to."

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 4d

"I get 5% off on everything in the store just because I look like-
I mean, just because I am krusty the clown?"

"How could I charge full price to the man whose lust for filthy
magazines kept me in business during that first, shaky year?
By the way, here is your new issue of gigantic asses."

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 5d

"We're in pursuit of two female suspects.
One is wearing a green dress, pearls and has a lot of blue hair."

"A lot of blue hair?! Hahaha! What a freak!"

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 6d

"Why don't we all take a five-minute break?
It'll clear our heads."

"Good idea, Marge.
My mind is going a mile a minute."

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 7d

"Tonight, on Guinness book of world records:
A man who holds the current record
for least amount of faces, with none!"

"Help me!"

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 8d

Bart! NO!

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 8d

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 9d

“Video taping this crime spree is the best idea we ever had!"

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 10d

"Relax. I'm just boning up on the old constitution."

"You're going to regret that, pinko.
Oh, I am so sick of people
Hiding behind the bill of rights.
Look, he got chocolate on it."

"I didn't mean to."

"Mm-hmm. You just licked off the part
that forbids cruel and unusual punishment."

"Beautiful."

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 11d

I" can't believe auntie Gladys is really gone.
Her legend will live forever."

*Yeah, the legend of the dog-faced woman.*

"Legend of the dog-faced woman.
Oh, that's good."

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 12d

"Hey Einstein, put down your reading. It's lunch time."

"Naw, you go ahead."

"You don't wanna eat? What did you do?
Get one of them stomach staples?"

As Tolstoy said in Quotable Notables,
"Give me learning, sir, and you may keep your black bread."

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 13d

"No, we're not worried. Our customers buy
Duff for its robust taste not its alcoholic content.
I predict our new alcohol-free Duff Zero
will sell even better than our previous brand.
Well, that's the end of me."

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 14d

"Now, what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth?"

"Mountain dew or crab juice."

"Blech! Ew! Geez! I'll take a crab juice."

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 15d

“Slow down. The sidewalk's for regular walkin', not for fancy walkin'."

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 16d

"Mojo! What have they done to you?!"

"Pray... For... Mojo."

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 17d

"Hello. What's this?
Wire hangers, expired medicine, old newspapers...
Okay, Homer, stay calm.
Just quietly get this stuff inside your house."

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 18d

"Barney, where's my car?"

"Well, all I remember about the last two months
Is giving a guest lecture at Villanova...
or maybe it was a street corner."

"So you lost my car, eh?
Well, that's just grand.
I ought to punch you in the nose
but I have to pick up my kids at school."

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 19d

"Oh. What's this strange sensation in my chest?"

"I think your heart's beating again."

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 20d

"What is this place?"

"Branson, Missouri.
My dad says it's like Vegas
If it were run by Ned Flanders."

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 21d

"And this is for my huggy bug
in honor of this special day."

*"Special day?
Is it bacon day?
No, that's crazy talk.
She's getting impatient.
Take a stab at it."*

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 22d

"My quarter! Aagh!"

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SimpsonsQOTD @simpsonsqotd.bsky.social · 23d

"Where's Homer?
Oh, and to think I spent all afternoon
baking him this cake.
I pickled the figs myself."

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