🤣

😂 if you believe hard enough, they can both be real.

Oh, sorry. Some of my computations for string theory leaked into my post. It was supposed to say “Fart Accordion.”

Imagine you're on the surface of a donut. The sprinkles on top are made of much different ingredients, but are still generally refered to as the "donut." The creme filling inside is also very different, yet still part of the "donut." Now imagine that donut exists in your future, past and present.

I should start reading spooky books for the season

*blinks*

Merry Christmas!

.. I guess I should start reading Christmas books for the season

*blinks*

Happy New Year!

🫠

Keeping the freezee things above the ice maker was a mistake. The blue stuff inside had been seeping into the ice for months. Fixed, but now I kinda miss the flavor. But my bleedy brain sneezes are less frequent.

Just no. The little cans are a gateway

Do you really like Lima beans? Are you warped?

You are the cheese on top and the Fritos baby!

😋

💪🏻

Does the ham sauce I use matter? I do want to load up on carbs.

I know I ask the same question every weekend. How do I turn French fries into muscle.

This whole year has had the consistency and taste of Lima Bean Chili.

Boy. Accidentally switching the Q for a G when notifying coworkers you’d like to hang motivational plaques around the office can create quite the confusion. They didn’t have to call the CDC though.

[Receiving Nobel Peace Prize]

Me: "I’m honored, Mr. Chairman.”

My Mom from the audience: "He wet the bed til he was 17!”

Alexa monitors my bowel movements. The sensor is tiny and can be inserted by any loved one.

Now, I would wait a few days before cooking a frozen pizza😆

Can A-I be intoxicated?

May he rot in hell. And get producer credits on a Netflix docu-drama.

Did they ever catch that serial killer that replaced his victims’ teeth with candy corn?

Message received. From now on my page will have 30% less Scott lore to wade through. Much of it was exaggerated anyway. I actually didn’t help found Dubuque, Iowa.

Every time I ask my lady “okay, you’re not going to flip out about this, right?” I look up and she’s already taken 3 commemorative Stars Hollow sabers down from the mantle.

🤣