Jesse Hassenger
@rockmarooned.bsky.social
Writer & editor & stuff.
Reposted by Jesse Hassenger
this is the most "Get a Job, Stay Away From Her" I've ever felt
![What’s the title or IP that you have yet to land but want?
Calvin and Hobbes. I’ve been chasing that for years and years, and I just have gotten nowhere with [creator] Bill Watterson. I began writing letters to him over 20 years ago. He lives in Chagrin Falls, Ohio, and I was actually contemplating just going out there and just staying at a local Best Western and seeing if he ever shows up at the [local] bookstore. All he does is these wood carvings for poetry readings, and every now and then he goes to the bookstore and does signings.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:bck7uabvjt4xu5uzn3exzhqj/bafkreihbf3oqirpgrhgcmd5ruwmeq6wi4bfhpzlgexh26yfjnb5g5i3a6q@jpeg)
December 18, 2025 at 9:36 PM
this is the most "Get a Job, Stay Away From Her" I've ever felt
Reposted by Jesse Hassenger
My outlier pick of the year is about stones, rocks, things of that nature
December 17, 2025 at 7:57 PM
My outlier pick of the year is about stones, rocks, things of that nature
If you're interested in my (current) list of the 15 best movies of 2025, as well as some other superlatives, it's posted with a bunch of others on the A.V. Club's collection of best-of-the-year ballots. www.avclub.com/best-films-2...
The best films of 2025: The ballots
The best films of 2025 have been selected, now read on to see how our individual critics voted on their ballots.
www.avclub.com
December 17, 2025 at 2:01 PM
If you're interested in my (current) list of the 15 best movies of 2025, as well as some other superlatives, it's posted with a bunch of others on the A.V. Club's collection of best-of-the-year ballots. www.avclub.com/best-films-2...
AVATAR: FIRE AND ASH brings James Cameron into uncharted territory: the threequel. www.avclub.com/avatar-fire-...
James Cameron experiences growing pains with the still-spectacular Avatar: Fire And Ash
Avatar: Fire and Ash feels like a negotiation with the plot and character demands of multiple sequels, but Cameron still delivers.
www.avclub.com
December 16, 2025 at 2:22 PM
AVATAR: FIRE AND ASH brings James Cameron into uncharted territory: the threequel. www.avclub.com/avatar-fire-...
Normally when someone prolific and well-loved like Rob Reiner passes, my instinct as a critic is to recommend a lesser-seen gem. Reiner has no lesser-seen gems. That's not an insult; his gems -- eight of 'em! Better than a lot of Oscar winners! -- everyone saw and loved.
December 15, 2025 at 7:37 PM
Normally when someone prolific and well-loved like Rob Reiner passes, my instinct as a critic is to recommend a lesser-seen gem. Reiner has no lesser-seen gems. That's not an insult; his gems -- eight of 'em! Better than a lot of Oscar winners! -- everyone saw and loved.
You see me doing thrillseeker liquor-store holdups with a "Born to Lose" tattoo on my chest? www.polygon.com/heat-pacino-...
30 years ago, a legendary director made the ultimate crime thriller — and pulled off the impossible
Heat brought Pacino and De Niro together... sort of.
www.polygon.com
December 15, 2025 at 5:28 PM
You see me doing thrillseeker liquor-store holdups with a "Born to Lose" tattoo on my chest? www.polygon.com/heat-pacino-...
I took E to an R-rated movie today and was absolutely LIVING for the genuine panic in her eyes and voice when a red band popped up before one of the trailers. She didn't even know what it was, she just sensed there was danger!
December 13, 2025 at 2:42 AM
I took E to an R-rated movie today and was absolutely LIVING for the genuine panic in her eyes and voice when a red band popped up before one of the trailers. She didn't even know what it was, she just sensed there was danger!
Oh fuck it's the mystery team!!! lionsgatelimited.com/products/mys...
Mystery Team VESTRON Collector’s Series Blu-ray™ (#36)
Number 36 of the Vestron Video Collector’s Series Making its debut on Blu-ray, Mystery Team is from Derrick Comedy, the Internet sensation whose short films have been viewed over 150 million times onl...
lionsgatelimited.com
December 11, 2025 at 12:48 PM
Oh fuck it's the mystery team!!! lionsgatelimited.com/products/mys...
Reposted by Jesse Hassenger
Instead of just bragging to my group text, I wrote about how much my Stubs A-List membership saved me on moviegoing this year—more than $600! 🤘
www.goodhousekeeping.com/holidays/gif...
www.goodhousekeeping.com/holidays/gif...
I See Every Movie, and the Best Gift for People Like Me Is an AMC Stubs A-List Membership
I literally saved hundreds of dollars this year.
www.goodhousekeeping.com
December 6, 2025 at 2:07 PM
Instead of just bragging to my group text, I wrote about how much my Stubs A-List membership saved me on moviegoing this year—more than $600! 🤘
www.goodhousekeeping.com/holidays/gif...
www.goodhousekeeping.com/holidays/gif...
E likes a lot of SNL sketches, seems to enjoy their music videos, often laughs at Andy Samberg, loved HOT ROD... but she just cannot abide "Space Olympics."
December 5, 2025 at 2:07 AM
E likes a lot of SNL sketches, seems to enjoy their music videos, often laughs at Andy Samberg, loved HOT ROD... but she just cannot abide "Space Olympics."
It's been a rough fall for mainstream horror and yet apparently the nights at Freddy's will continue until morale improves. Dropping the one-star bomb on this non-movie garbage: www.theguardian.com/film/2025/de...
Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 review – inept game-based horror is one of the year’s worst
The box office smash of Halloween 2023 gets a shoddily made follow-up written carelessly and devoid of an actual ending
www.theguardian.com
December 4, 2025 at 3:45 PM
It's been a rough fall for mainstream horror and yet apparently the nights at Freddy's will continue until morale improves. Dropping the one-star bomb on this non-movie garbage: www.theguardian.com/film/2025/de...
Reposted by Jesse Hassenger
It brings me no joy to report that I have written my first F review for The A.V. Club www.avclub.com/five-nights-...
Is it an Easter egg that Five Nights At Freddy's 2 is so terrible?
The malfunctioning video game adaptation goes fully on the fritz with the inane, sprawling Five Nights At Freddy's 2.
www.avclub.com
December 4, 2025 at 6:14 AM
It brings me no joy to report that I have written my first F review for The A.V. Club www.avclub.com/five-nights-...
I don't use the evil Spotify so I'm going to just list my five favorite albums of the year and I'd love to hear that (or yr favorite songs) from you all!
1 Year of the Slug / Caroline Rose
2 If You Asked for a Picture / Blondshell
3 Moisturizer / Wet Leg
4 The Clearing / Wolf Alice
5 I Quit / HAIM
1 Year of the Slug / Caroline Rose
2 If You Asked for a Picture / Blondshell
3 Moisturizer / Wet Leg
4 The Clearing / Wolf Alice
5 I Quit / HAIM
December 4, 2025 at 1:28 PM
I don't use the evil Spotify so I'm going to just list my five favorite albums of the year and I'd love to hear that (or yr favorite songs) from you all!
1 Year of the Slug / Caroline Rose
2 If You Asked for a Picture / Blondshell
3 Moisturizer / Wet Leg
4 The Clearing / Wolf Alice
5 I Quit / HAIM
1 Year of the Slug / Caroline Rose
2 If You Asked for a Picture / Blondshell
3 Moisturizer / Wet Leg
4 The Clearing / Wolf Alice
5 I Quit / HAIM
I watched the first 30 minutes of MR. HOLLAND'S OPUS last night. The next day, the Disney+ account made me sign back in, as if to say, "that didn't seem like you." When I got back in, it had advanced the movie from the 30-minute mark to the end, as if to say, "OK, let's get you to bed"
November 30, 2025 at 5:30 AM
I watched the first 30 minutes of MR. HOLLAND'S OPUS last night. The next day, the Disney+ account made me sign back in, as if to say, "that didn't seem like you." When I got back in, it had advanced the movie from the 30-minute mark to the end, as if to say, "OK, let's get you to bed"
Happy Thanksgiving! If you want to BYOBond marathon before the 007 movies leave Prime on Monday, I ranked them all for GQ (Gentleman's Q). www.gq.com/story/the-be...
The Best James Bond Movies, Definitively Ranked
The basic-cable marathon may be a thing of the past, but don't let that stop you from spending the American holiday weekend with Britain's greatest superspy.
www.gq.com
November 27, 2025 at 11:33 PM
Happy Thanksgiving! If you want to BYOBond marathon before the 007 movies leave Prime on Monday, I ranked them all for GQ (Gentleman's Q). www.gq.com/story/the-be...
I'm a little weirded out by the absolute blitz of a resurgence in Peanuts merchandising over the last few years but also it is weird and cool that I can get a tiny plush of Snoopy's goofy cousin Olaf. Now give us Marbles!!
November 26, 2025 at 7:35 PM
I'm a little weirded out by the absolute blitz of a resurgence in Peanuts merchandising over the last few years but also it is weird and cool that I can get a tiny plush of Snoopy's goofy cousin Olaf. Now give us Marbles!!
Do you ever think about what an incredible song "Sympathy" by Sleater-Kinney is?
November 26, 2025 at 3:25 PM
Do you ever think about what an incredible song "Sympathy" by Sleater-Kinney is?
I did some reporting on whether or not the bunny kisses the fox or as you might prefer to call it, a review of ZOOTOPIA 2 www.thedailybeast.com/obsessed/fin...
Finally, Good News: ‘Zootopia 2′ Is as Great as the First
We all deserve a good animated sequel.
www.thedailybeast.com
November 25, 2025 at 5:10 PM
I did some reporting on whether or not the bunny kisses the fox or as you might prefer to call it, a review of ZOOTOPIA 2 www.thedailybeast.com/obsessed/fin...
I saw INITATIVE, the five-hour play that's (sort of) about Dungeons & Dragons, last week. Then I talked to the writer and director about how exactly you pull that off. www.theguardian.com/stage/2025/n...
‘A nucleus of a community’: the five-hour stage play about Dungeons & Dragons
In Initiative, a group of young people in the early 2000s finds themselves via the role-playing game, the latest example of its undying popularity
www.theguardian.com
November 25, 2025 at 4:51 PM
I saw INITATIVE, the five-hour play that's (sort of) about Dungeons & Dragons, last week. Then I talked to the writer and director about how exactly you pull that off. www.theguardian.com/stage/2025/n...
The whole thing is like this, TBH, this is just the the sequence where it's somewhat less boring (still very bad though)
There’s a bit in the final stretch of Eternity where Elizabeth Olson is running through red doors, wriggling under beds and escaping memories that is trying to spark a connection to dream language like Michel Gondry or Spike Jonze. Instead we get bureaucratic afterlife as empty aesthetic signifier.
November 25, 2025 at 1:00 PM
The whole thing is like this, TBH, this is just the the sequence where it's somewhat less boring (still very bad though)
The New Flesh episode on THE RUNNING MAN turns into kind of a post-mortem on a movie that didn't sit well with any of us -- Brett, me, or our pals at @authorizedpod.bsky.social, Andrew and Hannah, who sat in for a really fun talk! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/t...
The Running Man (2025)
Podcast Episode · The New Flesh Horror Movies Horror News Scary Movie · 11/24/2025 · 1h 48m
podcasts.apple.com
November 24, 2025 at 2:12 PM
The New Flesh episode on THE RUNNING MAN turns into kind of a post-mortem on a movie that didn't sit well with any of us -- Brett, me, or our pals at @authorizedpod.bsky.social, Andrew and Hannah, who sat in for a really fun talk! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/t...
Taking this literally and going to my Letterboxd to find out something I've seen *exactly* six times. BIRDS OF PREY. The Harley Quinn movie where there's also Ewan McGregor.
Name a film you've seen six times.
November 22, 2025 at 8:33 PM
Taking this literally and going to my Letterboxd to find out something I've seen *exactly* six times. BIRDS OF PREY. The Harley Quinn movie where there's also Ewan McGregor.
It's nearly Ella McCay season
November 21, 2025 at 10:30 PM
It's nearly Ella McCay season