plaaaaaant
@plaaaaaant.bsky.social
left leaning independent, avid shit-poster, chronically online and ill
just had a revelation. Marie Kondo's theory works with people too. Removing every person that does not spark joy is wonderous.
July 11, 2025 at 2:21 AM
just had a revelation. Marie Kondo's theory works with people too. Removing every person that does not spark joy is wonderous.
coining this so you all remember me as the OG:
Optilingus: the act of tonguing another person's visual organs.
Optilingus: the act of tonguing another person's visual organs.
July 9, 2025 at 4:35 PM
coining this so you all remember me as the OG:
Optilingus: the act of tonguing another person's visual organs.
Optilingus: the act of tonguing another person's visual organs.
fuck eating horses, im so hungry i got divorced from Austria
June 30, 2025 at 6:54 AM
fuck eating horses, im so hungry i got divorced from Austria
to the men who wish for horse cock: if a horse was a human (mathematically) the average penis size would be smaller than the average penis size of a non-human (if that makes sense). so basically, horses technically have smaller dicks than humans comparatively.
June 11, 2025 at 12:16 AM
to the men who wish for horse cock: if a horse was a human (mathematically) the average penis size would be smaller than the average penis size of a non-human (if that makes sense). so basically, horses technically have smaller dicks than humans comparatively.
i am unconvinced the phrase "quote on quote" is a misnomer. it is so widely used that i have to think it is just generally accepted slang now. it is the same way that bitch has been adopted as a curse rather than literally, a female dog.
May 25, 2025 at 5:26 AM
i am unconvinced the phrase "quote on quote" is a misnomer. it is so widely used that i have to think it is just generally accepted slang now. it is the same way that bitch has been adopted as a curse rather than literally, a female dog.
cyber tarps unironically have better stock output than teslas. and they do not exist.
This is not a paid advertisement. Subscribe at membership.theonion.com to receive the newspaper and see more print-exclusive content.
May 7, 2025 at 4:03 PM
cyber tarps unironically have better stock output than teslas. and they do not exist.
obviously vaccinations caused the autism epidemic 🙄 its not like immunization has saved millions of lives since half of the population was wiped out by the flu, nobody was neurodivergent before those woke liberals invented it ☝️
Everyone in the past was neurotypical, which is how we got things like this single-author, eight-volume encyclopedia of ferns
May 7, 2025 at 4:03 PM
obviously vaccinations caused the autism epidemic 🙄 its not like immunization has saved millions of lives since half of the population was wiped out by the flu, nobody was neurodivergent before those woke liberals invented it ☝️
yes because a 64 year old woman is so threatening that is requires for adult men to forcefully remove her. i thank the universe she was white, for fear of further violence.
“I think this says that they will not tolerate us being active participants in our democracy—they want an autocracy,” Emily Feiner told Mother Jones.
Meet the 64-year-old retired social worker who went viral after being forcibly removed from her representative's town hall.
Meet the 64-year-old retired social worker who went viral after being forcibly removed from her representative's town hall.
May 6, 2025 at 10:56 PM
yes because a 64 year old woman is so threatening that is requires for adult men to forcefully remove her. i thank the universe she was white, for fear of further violence.
its so weird to me that right wingers wont let mexicans come to america. every white american can trace their ancestry to immigrant. if you trace a mexicans ancestry, they were here first, before we colonized them.
May 6, 2025 at 10:54 PM
its so weird to me that right wingers wont let mexicans come to america. every white american can trace their ancestry to immigrant. if you trace a mexicans ancestry, they were here first, before we colonized them.
i like my women like Gudetama: yellow with a fat ass
May 5, 2025 at 3:13 AM
i like my women like Gudetama: yellow with a fat ass
the right to bear arms?
i want the right to twink arms
i want the right to twink arms
May 2, 2025 at 4:01 PM
the right to bear arms?
i want the right to twink arms
i want the right to twink arms
the minecraft movie is dogshit.
April 28, 2025 at 12:32 AM
the minecraft movie is dogshit.
mood: when your dad calls you gay, but you realize you were in his wife for 9 months while he only lasts 30 seconds
April 24, 2025 at 8:02 PM
mood: when your dad calls you gay, but you realize you were in his wife for 9 months while he only lasts 30 seconds
to the long haired people of the world: does hair ever just fucking spawn in your mouth? like, I'll be sitting here, minding my business. then a hair appears in my throat out of nowhere. my mouth was not even opened. is this the real reason "guys shouldn't have long hair"?
i fear i may be cursed.
i fear i may be cursed.
April 20, 2025 at 1:50 PM
to the long haired people of the world: does hair ever just fucking spawn in your mouth? like, I'll be sitting here, minding my business. then a hair appears in my throat out of nowhere. my mouth was not even opened. is this the real reason "guys shouldn't have long hair"?
i fear i may be cursed.
i fear i may be cursed.
trumps influence on the poles needs to stop. polar bears are so scared of the regime they got white fur to hide their black skin.
#marchofthepenguins
#freethepenguins
#marchofthepenguins
#freethepenguins
April 20, 2025 at 1:01 PM
trumps influence on the poles needs to stop. polar bears are so scared of the regime they got white fur to hide their black skin.
#marchofthepenguins
#freethepenguins
#marchofthepenguins
#freethepenguins
when you think about it, all bears are at least half black bear. yk, the way they say gerrrr.
April 20, 2025 at 12:59 PM
when you think about it, all bears are at least half black bear. yk, the way they say gerrrr.
i know this is the onion but they might be on to something here
Chris Columbus Admits There Are Hours Of ‘Home Alone 2’ Outtakes Featuring Trump Saying Racial Slurs
Chris Columbus Admits There Are Hours Of ‘Home Alone 2’ Outtakes Featuring Trump Saying Racial Slurs
SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Recounting the unexpected difficulties the future president’s brief cameo brought to his film shoot, Home Alone 2: Lost In New York director Chris Columbus admitted Wednesday that he...
theonion.com
April 16, 2025 at 3:58 PM
i know this is the onion but they might be on to something here
call me john travolta the way im famous for my fingers
April 11, 2025 at 6:15 PM
call me john travolta the way im famous for my fingers
intelligence isn't knowing things. It is questioning things and learning. in the same way that failure is the best way to improve. if you succeed by making mistakes, you will not learn. but by failing, you are forced to reflect and rework your approach.
April 11, 2025 at 5:10 PM
intelligence isn't knowing things. It is questioning things and learning. in the same way that failure is the best way to improve. if you succeed by making mistakes, you will not learn. but by failing, you are forced to reflect and rework your approach.
its true george bush committed genocide, but at least we got Saddam Hussien's hiding spot.
April 10, 2025 at 4:24 PM
its true george bush committed genocide, but at least we got Saddam Hussien's hiding spot.
french fry grease: tube lube
April 10, 2025 at 2:39 PM
french fry grease: tube lube
fuck mangoes,
get milked.
get milked.
April 10, 2025 at 2:38 PM
fuck mangoes,
get milked.
get milked.
potato.
Stonks, am I rite?
April 10, 2025 at 2:36 PM
potato.
only logical timeline:
1. trump takes an edible in the office
2. elon and him watch Oprah Winfrey while giving each other lap dances
3. trump gets a call from putin, telling his favorite puppet to get back to work
4. "and you get a tariff, and you get a tariff"
5. america inevitably implodes
1. trump takes an edible in the office
2. elon and him watch Oprah Winfrey while giving each other lap dances
3. trump gets a call from putin, telling his favorite puppet to get back to work
4. "and you get a tariff, and you get a tariff"
5. america inevitably implodes
Classy guy! 👀
He never left the playground, did he?
God help us all.
He never left the playground, did he?
God help us all.
April 9, 2025 at 6:49 PM
only logical timeline:
1. trump takes an edible in the office
2. elon and him watch Oprah Winfrey while giving each other lap dances
3. trump gets a call from putin, telling his favorite puppet to get back to work
4. "and you get a tariff, and you get a tariff"
5. america inevitably implodes
1. trump takes an edible in the office
2. elon and him watch Oprah Winfrey while giving each other lap dances
3. trump gets a call from putin, telling his favorite puppet to get back to work
4. "and you get a tariff, and you get a tariff"
5. america inevitably implodes
america doesnt run on dunkin. america runs on taco bell. or rather, taco bell runs down the pants of americans as they run.
April 9, 2025 at 6:45 PM
america doesnt run on dunkin. america runs on taco bell. or rather, taco bell runs down the pants of americans as they run.