open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱
@onlinefunctions.bsky.social
i post with my heart
critical care paramedic, landlord classicide stan, terminally online shitposter
"a future is not given to you. it is something you must take for yourself."
"at the end of everything, hold on to anything."
*no worries*
critical care paramedic, landlord classicide stan, terminally online shitposter
"a future is not given to you. it is something you must take for yourself."
"at the end of everything, hold on to anything."
*no worries*
Pinned
pessimismaxxing
November 30, 2025 at 9:29 AM
pessimismaxxing
Reposted by open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱
(Overrun by zombies)
My gf: we’re dead!
(The wall explodes & a silhouette takes shape)
Me: L-Lucario? 😳
My gf hugs it: you came!
Me squeezing between them: You know him? 🙂
Her: We dated in college
Me: What the fuck?😡
Her: Nows not the ti-
Me: It’s basically an animal
My gf: we’re dead!
(The wall explodes & a silhouette takes shape)
Me: L-Lucario? 😳
My gf hugs it: you came!
Me squeezing between them: You know him? 🙂
Her: We dated in college
Me: What the fuck?😡
Her: Nows not the ti-
Me: It’s basically an animal
September 20, 2025 at 3:42 PM
(Overrun by zombies)
My gf: we’re dead!
(The wall explodes & a silhouette takes shape)
Me: L-Lucario? 😳
My gf hugs it: you came!
Me squeezing between them: You know him? 🙂
Her: We dated in college
Me: What the fuck?😡
Her: Nows not the ti-
Me: It’s basically an animal
My gf: we’re dead!
(The wall explodes & a silhouette takes shape)
Me: L-Lucario? 😳
My gf hugs it: you came!
Me squeezing between them: You know him? 🙂
Her: We dated in college
Me: What the fuck?😡
Her: Nows not the ti-
Me: It’s basically an animal
It sounds like they have a job tho Doug
NEW: Ontario Premier Doug Ford is doubling down after telling someone in the public gallery to “find a job,” claiming they were a paid, professional protester. #OnPoli
globalnews.ca/news/1154308...
globalnews.ca/news/1154308...
Doug Ford doubles down on ‘find a job’ comment after omnibus rental bill passes | Globalnews.ca
As protestors were escorted from the chamber, Ford appeared to shout at one of them to 'find a job' from his seat within the legislature.
globalnews.ca
November 28, 2025 at 3:38 PM
It sounds like they have a job tho Doug
if you're reading this you survived Thanksgiving 2025 in the eastern time zone and that's something you should be proud of, I'm proud of you
November 28, 2025 at 5:15 AM
if you're reading this you survived Thanksgiving 2025 in the eastern time zone and that's something you should be proud of, I'm proud of you
ah yes, the famous Thanksgiving chorus, "fuck my ass, there's pie" 😔
November 28, 2025 at 12:18 AM
ah yes, the famous Thanksgiving chorus, "fuck my ass, there's pie" 😔
salting these immediately
Thieves have stolen €90,000 worth of fine French snails destined for some of the country’s most prestigious restaurants
Thieves take €90,000 of snails meant for Michelin-starred restaurants
French police are on the trail of ‘experienced’ criminals who stole a whole year’s worth of produce from Jean-Mathieu Dauvergne’s L’Escargot des Grands Crus
www.thetimes.com
November 27, 2025 at 9:52 PM
salting these immediately
gonna go one further and say webſter fucked us all up
I'm a retvrn guy but for ſpelling ſhit the old way, purely vibes based spelling
also bring back ligatures and the fuckin long s
I'm a retvrn guy but for ſpelling ſhit the old way, purely vibes based spelling
also bring back ligatures and the fuckin long s
November 27, 2025 at 4:28 PM
gonna go one further and say webſter fucked us all up
I'm a retvrn guy but for ſpelling ſhit the old way, purely vibes based spelling
also bring back ligatures and the fuckin long s
I'm a retvrn guy but for ſpelling ſhit the old way, purely vibes based spelling
also bring back ligatures and the fuckin long s
Y'all ever get 1.5 hours of sleep after being awake for 36 hours and the only thought you have is "feed me a stray cat" ???
November 26, 2025 at 10:20 PM
Y'all ever get 1.5 hours of sleep after being awake for 36 hours and the only thought you have is "feed me a stray cat" ???
I don't think I'll be "verifying I'm an adult" and deanonymizing myself to some ghoul ass contractors to include in their inevitable data breach smorgasbord so if we've been DMing and you want to keep that up you can hit me up on matrix @onlinefunctions:matrix.org otherwise so long space cowboys
November 26, 2025 at 5:58 PM
I don't think I'll be "verifying I'm an adult" and deanonymizing myself to some ghoul ass contractors to include in their inevitable data breach smorgasbord so if we've been DMing and you want to keep that up you can hit me up on matrix @onlinefunctions:matrix.org otherwise so long space cowboys
not feeling particularly reassured about this medsurg unit
November 26, 2025 at 8:44 AM
not feeling particularly reassured about this medsurg unit
"You will be visited by three spirits"
November 26, 2025 at 1:23 AM
"You will be visited by three spirits"
bumping this after the Mamdani meeting
seeing it making the rounds, cannot begin to guess where it originated, cannot stop laughing
November 25, 2025 at 6:18 PM
bumping this after the Mamdani meeting
I will never condemn hummus
November 25, 2025 at 5:36 PM
I will never condemn hummus
"it's strange, but whenever there are three lights in the sky, they always make a formation like this"
A triangle??? Whenever you get three points it always makes a triangle, u idiots
A triangle??? Whenever you get three points it always makes a triangle, u idiots
watching paranormal caught on camera
"watch what looks like a head peaking around the door"
I'm sorry?? Have you just like never seen a head before, or what are we even doing here????
"watch what looks like a head peaking around the door"
I'm sorry?? Have you just like never seen a head before, or what are we even doing here????
November 24, 2025 at 3:38 AM
"it's strange, but whenever there are three lights in the sky, they always make a formation like this"
A triangle??? Whenever you get three points it always makes a triangle, u idiots
A triangle??? Whenever you get three points it always makes a triangle, u idiots
watching paranormal caught on camera
"watch what looks like a head peaking around the door"
I'm sorry?? Have you just like never seen a head before, or what are we even doing here????
"watch what looks like a head peaking around the door"
I'm sorry?? Have you just like never seen a head before, or what are we even doing here????
November 24, 2025 at 3:12 AM
watching paranormal caught on camera
"watch what looks like a head peaking around the door"
I'm sorry?? Have you just like never seen a head before, or what are we even doing here????
"watch what looks like a head peaking around the door"
I'm sorry?? Have you just like never seen a head before, or what are we even doing here????
if you're a chef and you want to do like your twists on standards and innovate that is awesome, one of my favorite restaurants was a sandwich shop where a guy with a Michelin star just did like next level club sandwiches,
but if you've got one, leave the kids menu standard
but if you've got one, leave the kids menu standard
November 24, 2025 at 2:22 AM
if you're a chef and you want to do like your twists on standards and innovate that is awesome, one of my favorite restaurants was a sandwich shop where a guy with a Michelin star just did like next level club sandwiches,
but if you've got one, leave the kids menu standard
but if you've got one, leave the kids menu standard
dang it's been a while but it looks like my work rotation will let me visit my family in Carcosa for the holidays
probably too cold to go out on Lake Hali tho but we'll see
probably too cold to go out on Lake Hali tho but we'll see
November 19, 2025 at 2:17 PM
dang it's been a while but it looks like my work rotation will let me visit my family in Carcosa for the holidays
probably too cold to go out on Lake Hali tho but we'll see
probably too cold to go out on Lake Hali tho but we'll see
recovering from work today, total yinmode, we're yinmaxxing today fam
November 18, 2025 at 8:19 PM
recovering from work today, total yinmode, we're yinmaxxing today fam
telling my enemies "I hope you have long and fruitful conversations with chatgpt that end abruptly in ways that take your family by surprise"
November 16, 2025 at 1:53 AM
telling my enemies "I hope you have long and fruitful conversations with chatgpt that end abruptly in ways that take your family by surprise"
Reposted by open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱
glalie? you mean froslad?
August 12, 2025 at 5:17 AM
glalie? you mean froslad?
Reposted by open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱
anemia is an affliction of fairies, that's why you treat it with iron infusions
October 5, 2025 at 6:57 PM
anemia is an affliction of fairies, that's why you treat it with iron infusions
Reposted by open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱
eating the tide pods so everyone knows I'm cool but also of a certain vintage
October 8, 2025 at 7:05 PM
eating the tide pods so everyone knows I'm cool but also of a certain vintage
I know I'm raising my kid right because he wanted me to put on dance music so I put on "I Will Survive" and he *insisted* it wasn't dance music until I put on EDM
November 15, 2025 at 4:35 PM
I know I'm raising my kid right because he wanted me to put on dance music so I put on "I Will Survive" and he *insisted* it wasn't dance music until I put on EDM
thinking about it, people are basically mimikyus
just skeletons/ghosts hiding inside costumes
just skeletons/ghosts hiding inside costumes
November 15, 2025 at 2:40 PM
thinking about it, people are basically mimikyus
just skeletons/ghosts hiding inside costumes
just skeletons/ghosts hiding inside costumes