McSweeney's
@mcsweeneys.net
The official Bluesky feed of McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, & McSweeney's Books.
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Reposted by McSweeney's
Good lord, the accuracy in this.
"I told the nurse I jog three days a week, play soccer, lift weights, and take spin classes. She just giggled. Honestly, I’m used to it. It was kind of annoying when she took my blood pressure four times, though."
buff.ly/bcx3OS1
buff.ly/bcx3OS1
Fat Lady Attempts to Get Health Care: An Oral History
MEGAN TRASK (Front Desk Assistant, Sunshine Primary Care): I could tell from the minute she checked in that she was fat. Like, real fat. The crazie...
buff.ly
December 5, 2025 at 6:35 PM
Good lord, the accuracy in this.
Reposted by McSweeney's
In a Mood: A Sticker Book
Feelings wheels are great, but sometimes the best way to start my day is by realizing I’m “whelmed” or “sick of your crap.” It’s direct, and there’s a face, so it’s just like real life with neurotypicals, only it’s direct.
Feelings wheels are great, but sometimes the best way to start my day is by realizing I’m “whelmed” or “sick of your crap.” It’s direct, and there’s a face, so it’s just like real life with neurotypicals, only it’s direct.
A Holiday Gift Guide for the Creative Neurodivergent Baddie in Your Life
You’ve Always Been This Way is a column written by Taylor Harris, a late-diagnosed neurodivergent woman and 1980s preschool dropout, who identifies...
buff.ly
December 5, 2025 at 2:30 PM
In a Mood: A Sticker Book
Feelings wheels are great, but sometimes the best way to start my day is by realizing I’m “whelmed” or “sick of your crap.” It’s direct, and there’s a face, so it’s just like real life with neurotypicals, only it’s direct.
Feelings wheels are great, but sometimes the best way to start my day is by realizing I’m “whelmed” or “sick of your crap.” It’s direct, and there’s a face, so it’s just like real life with neurotypicals, only it’s direct.
Reposted by McSweeney's
"We understand that the times are a-changin’, but we hope you’ll more or less stay the same. We’re not saying that you’re perfect, but your flaws—like the second Bush Administration—are starting to look quaint from our current vantage point in the MAGAverse circle of hell."
An Open Letter to the Soft Millennial Man Now Facing Extinction
Dear Soft Millennial Man, You’ve been quiet lately, but we know you’re still out there. You’re probably hiding out at Whole Foods until this whole ...
buff.ly
December 4, 2025 at 4:23 PM
"We understand that the times are a-changin’, but we hope you’ll more or less stay the same. We’re not saying that you’re perfect, but your flaws—like the second Bush Administration—are starting to look quaint from our current vantage point in the MAGAverse circle of hell."
Reposted by McSweeney's
Just about perfect.
"I recently spoke with Santa Claus, who is currently coordinating his staff of immortal blue-collar elves, about the morality of children and his friendship with a creature whom many carolers consider a war criminal: Krampus."
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...
The New Yorker’s Isaac Chotiner Interviews Santa Claus
For several centuries, Santa Claus has been one of the most prolific mythical gift-givers in the world. Formerly known as Saint Nicholas of Myra, a...
www.mcsweeneys.net
December 5, 2025 at 6:57 PM
Just about perfect.
Reposted by McSweeney's
nice, time to get a grant
Artist must currently be suffering from spiraling intrusive thoughts.
Artist must have wept spontaneously and uncontrollably in the last twenty-four hours.
Artist must have lived with their parents for an extended period as an adult.
Artist must have wept spontaneously and uncontrollably in the last twenty-four hours.
Artist must have lived with their parents for an extended period as an adult.
New Artist Guidelines for Grant Funding
Thank you for your interest in our funding opportunity. Please review our following updated guidelines before submitting your application. Artist m...
buff.ly
December 5, 2025 at 3:35 AM
nice, time to get a grant
Reposted by McSweeney's
I'm on @mcsweeneys.net today making your hs English teacher openly weep www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/cas...
Casting Notice for the Unaired CW Pilot Young Hamlet
SYNOPSIS
High school is no picnic for anyone, but especially if you’re one of Shakespeare’s most iconic leading men. Hamlet might be the big man on...
www.mcsweeneys.net
December 5, 2025 at 2:30 PM
I'm on @mcsweeneys.net today making your hs English teacher openly weep www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/cas...
Reposted by McSweeney's
Crying laughing at this
(RACHEL walks past children playing. Her biological clock ticks. She’s thirty, almost dead.)
LITTLE GIRL: Are you excited for the County Hanukkah Fair?
RACHEL: Not really. I’m not super into Hanukkah.
LITTLE GIRL: Are you excited for the County Hanukkah Fair?
RACHEL: Not really. I’m not super into Hanukkah.
Scenes from a Hallmark Hanukkah Movie Written by Someone Who Has Definitely Met a Jew
EXT. SMALL TOWN BUS STOP – DAY (A beautiful woman with slightly wavy brown hair steps off a bus. She’s RACHEL, a corporate lawyer from The Big Cit...
buff.ly
December 4, 2025 at 9:20 PM
Crying laughing at this
Reposted by McSweeney's
December 4, 2025 at 11:13 PM
"When we sent the first Christmas newsletter, we were just a two-person operation. Now we have to cover nine busy family members across four states. And sometimes Jessica has a boyfriend. It’s a big operation, and Clare had to learn Microsoft XL or whatever it’s called."
Why We’re Paywalling Our Family Christmas Card
Season’s Greetings from the Mortons! We know many of you look forward to opening your mailbox each December to receive the Morton annual Christmas ...
buff.ly
December 5, 2025 at 7:27 PM
"When we sent the first Christmas newsletter, we were just a two-person operation. Now we have to cover nine busy family members across four states. And sometimes Jessica has a boyfriend. It’s a big operation, and Clare had to learn Microsoft XL or whatever it’s called."
Reposted by McSweeney's
This is at least as good as you'd imagine...
"I have to stop you there for a second because you just said something interesting. If you can see into every child’s heart throughout the year, don’t you feel that you have a moral obligation to help them when they’re in crisis rather than waiting..."
"I have to stop you there for a second because you just said something interesting. If you can see into every child’s heart throughout the year, don’t you feel that you have a moral obligation to help them when they’re in crisis rather than waiting..."
"I recently spoke with Santa Claus, who is currently coordinating his staff of immortal blue-collar elves, about the morality of children and his friendship with a creature whom many carolers consider a war criminal: Krampus."
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...
The New Yorker’s Isaac Chotiner Interviews Santa Claus
For several centuries, Santa Claus has been one of the most prolific mythical gift-givers in the world. Formerly known as Saint Nicholas of Myra, a...
www.mcsweeneys.net
December 5, 2025 at 3:14 PM
This is at least as good as you'd imagine...
"I have to stop you there for a second because you just said something interesting. If you can see into every child’s heart throughout the year, don’t you feel that you have a moral obligation to help them when they’re in crisis rather than waiting..."
"I have to stop you there for a second because you just said something interesting. If you can see into every child’s heart throughout the year, don’t you feel that you have a moral obligation to help them when they’re in crisis rather than waiting..."
"I told the nurse I jog three days a week, play soccer, lift weights, and take spin classes. She just giggled. Honestly, I’m used to it. It was kind of annoying when she took my blood pressure four times, though."
buff.ly/bcx3OS1
buff.ly/bcx3OS1
Fat Lady Attempts to Get Health Care: An Oral History
MEGAN TRASK (Front Desk Assistant, Sunshine Primary Care): I could tell from the minute she checked in that she was fat. Like, real fat. The crazie...
buff.ly
December 5, 2025 at 6:20 PM
"I told the nurse I jog three days a week, play soccer, lift weights, and take spin classes. She just giggled. Honestly, I’m used to it. It was kind of annoying when she took my blood pressure four times, though."
buff.ly/bcx3OS1
buff.ly/bcx3OS1
"Bands like the Eagles presented this image of a closed group that you had to be really proficient to get into, and none of us were. We were all enamored of the Stooges and the MC5, and all the stuff that was very raw and struggling."
buff.ly/IyyVAvJ
buff.ly/IyyVAvJ
Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Debbie Harry and Chris Stein
- - -A few pieces of creative advice shared by Debbie Harry: You can’t please everyone all the time You can never make a big enough fool of you...
www.mcsweeneys.net
December 5, 2025 at 5:30 PM
"Bands like the Eagles presented this image of a closed group that you had to be really proficient to get into, and none of us were. We were all enamored of the Stooges and the MC5, and all the stuff that was very raw and struggling."
buff.ly/IyyVAvJ
buff.ly/IyyVAvJ
Reposted by McSweeney's
Wrote about the new @mcsweeneys.net, @benjaminpercy.bsky.social's The End Times, and the book as art project countercraft.substack.com/p/books-as-a...
Books as Art Projects
On books you want to hold in your hand or slip in your pocket
countercraft.substack.com
December 5, 2025 at 3:52 PM
Wrote about the new @mcsweeneys.net, @benjaminpercy.bsky.social's The End Times, and the book as art project countercraft.substack.com/p/books-as-a...
"Hamlet might be the big man on campus, but that doesn’t mean he’s got it all figured out. This drama puts a much-needed spin on a classic by imagining a world where Hamlet is young and hot."
Casting Notice for the Unaired CW Pilot Young Hamlet
SYNOPSIS High school is no picnic for anyone, but especially if you’re one of Shakespeare’s most iconic leading men. Hamlet might be the big man on...
buff.ly
December 5, 2025 at 4:20 PM
"Hamlet might be the big man on campus, but that doesn’t mean he’s got it all figured out. This drama puts a much-needed spin on a classic by imagining a world where Hamlet is young and hot."
Reposted by McSweeney's
To all hate-consuming coverage of Olivia Nuzzi's new book, this is perhaps the best piece of content I have seen.
I burst out laughing alone in my office at least three times.
Hard to pick a favorite "excerpt," but this is one that made me LOL:
I burst out laughing alone in my office at least three times.
Hard to pick a favorite "excerpt," but this is one that made me LOL:
December 4, 2025 at 8:01 PM
To all hate-consuming coverage of Olivia Nuzzi's new book, this is perhaps the best piece of content I have seen.
I burst out laughing alone in my office at least three times.
Hard to pick a favorite "excerpt," but this is one that made me LOL:
I burst out laughing alone in my office at least three times.
Hard to pick a favorite "excerpt," but this is one that made me LOL:
Reposted by McSweeney's
Crying with laughter at this one.
"When Hannibal tells Clarice he ate that guy’s liver with 'some fava beans and a nice chianti,' that is a metaphor for eating figgy pudding and eggnog with a big Christmas ham. Movies are filled with metaphors and symbols; you just have to look for them."
Yes, The Silence of the Lambs Is a Christmas Movie
It’s the debate that just won’t die: is The Silence of the Lambs a Christmas movie? Naysayers say “nay” and they say “nay” because it’s a movie wit...
buff.ly
December 5, 2025 at 2:44 AM
Crying with laughter at this one.
In a Mood: A Sticker Book
Feelings wheels are great, but sometimes the best way to start my day is by realizing I’m “whelmed” or “sick of your crap.” It’s direct, and there’s a face, so it’s just like real life with neurotypicals, only it’s direct.
Feelings wheels are great, but sometimes the best way to start my day is by realizing I’m “whelmed” or “sick of your crap.” It’s direct, and there’s a face, so it’s just like real life with neurotypicals, only it’s direct.
A Holiday Gift Guide for the Creative Neurodivergent Baddie in Your Life
You’ve Always Been This Way is a column written by Taylor Harris, a late-diagnosed neurodivergent woman and 1980s preschool dropout, who identifies...
buff.ly
December 5, 2025 at 2:30 PM
In a Mood: A Sticker Book
Feelings wheels are great, but sometimes the best way to start my day is by realizing I’m “whelmed” or “sick of your crap.” It’s direct, and there’s a face, so it’s just like real life with neurotypicals, only it’s direct.
Feelings wheels are great, but sometimes the best way to start my day is by realizing I’m “whelmed” or “sick of your crap.” It’s direct, and there’s a face, so it’s just like real life with neurotypicals, only it’s direct.
"'Groypers'? I don't know what this means. Move to the center, and you can talk it out with David Brooks."
Should You Move to the Center? (As Defined by The New York Times’ Editorial Board)
Illustration by Jesse Shamon - - - Click image to enlarge.
buff.ly
December 5, 2025 at 2:02 PM
"'Groypers'? I don't know what this means. Move to the center, and you can talk it out with David Brooks."
Reposted by McSweeney's
"I might be a Nazi-friendly talk-show host possessed by the ghost of John Barleycorn, but I still have a sense of humor. What’s not funny, though, is some pimply journalist trying to defame me by reporting my words verbatim."
My Order to Kill Everyone and Everything Was Taken Out of Context
“[Secretary of War] Hegseth ordered a lethal attack but not the killing of survivors, officials say… Amid talk of war crimes, the details and preci...
buff.ly
December 5, 2025 at 2:48 AM
"I might be a Nazi-friendly talk-show host possessed by the ghost of John Barleycorn, but I still have a sense of humor. What’s not funny, though, is some pimply journalist trying to defame me by reporting my words verbatim."
"Our parking lot benefits everyone. This sprawling wasteland will create thousands of jobs, exclusively for the six attendants who sit in tiny booths and never have change for a fifty."
Don’t Worry, Our New Stadium Will Have an Endless, Gigantic Parking Lot
When you’re going to a concert or a sporting event, you’re worried about one thing: Will the stadium have an endless parking lot packed with thousa...
buff.ly
December 5, 2025 at 1:30 PM
"Our parking lot benefits everyone. This sprawling wasteland will create thousands of jobs, exclusively for the six attendants who sit in tiny booths and never have change for a fifty."
Reposted by McSweeney's
"The whole place is covered in fingerprints." #NationalCookieDay
Are You Baking Cookies with Children or Starring in a Gritty Crime Procedural?
1. Every single surface of the room is sticky and coated with a fine, white powder. 2. You’ve shouted, “Don’t touch that! Bag that up right now! Ba...
buff.ly
December 4, 2025 at 6:20 PM
"The whole place is covered in fingerprints." #NationalCookieDay
Artist must currently be suffering from spiraling intrusive thoughts.
Artist must have wept spontaneously and uncontrollably in the last twenty-four hours.
Artist must have lived with their parents for an extended period as an adult.
Artist must have wept spontaneously and uncontrollably in the last twenty-four hours.
Artist must have lived with their parents for an extended period as an adult.
New Artist Guidelines for Grant Funding
Thank you for your interest in our funding opportunity. Please review our following updated guidelines before submitting your application. Artist m...
buff.ly
December 5, 2025 at 3:00 AM
Artist must currently be suffering from spiraling intrusive thoughts.
Artist must have wept spontaneously and uncontrollably in the last twenty-four hours.
Artist must have lived with their parents for an extended period as an adult.
Artist must have wept spontaneously and uncontrollably in the last twenty-four hours.
Artist must have lived with their parents for an extended period as an adult.
"I might be a Nazi-friendly talk-show host possessed by the ghost of John Barleycorn, but I still have a sense of humor. What’s not funny, though, is some pimply journalist trying to defame me by reporting my words verbatim."
My Order to Kill Everyone and Everything Was Taken Out of Context
“[Secretary of War] Hegseth ordered a lethal attack but not the killing of survivors, officials say… Amid talk of war crimes, the details and preci...
buff.ly
December 5, 2025 at 2:48 AM
"I might be a Nazi-friendly talk-show host possessed by the ghost of John Barleycorn, but I still have a sense of humor. What’s not funny, though, is some pimply journalist trying to defame me by reporting my words verbatim."
Reposted by McSweeney's
This is outstanding
"I recently spoke with Santa Claus, who is currently coordinating his staff of immortal blue-collar elves, about the morality of children and his friendship with a creature whom many carolers consider a war criminal: Krampus."
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...
The New Yorker’s Isaac Chotiner Interviews Santa Claus
For several centuries, Santa Claus has been one of the most prolific mythical gift-givers in the world. Formerly known as Saint Nicholas of Myra, a...
www.mcsweeneys.net
December 4, 2025 at 11:33 PM
This is outstanding