maimonides nutz
@maimonidesnutz.bsky.social
Maimonides, as in the 12th Century Jewish philosopher - and Nutz as in “Deez Nutz.” (I’m not Maimonides but I’m definitely Nutz)
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Hello new visitors! If you’re thinking of following, please note that while I occasionally take a principled stance, I mostly just shitpost about the Talmud
Week three of parasha of the week but they’re all Labubus: Jacob’s Ladder
November 28, 2025 at 7:03 PM
Week three of parasha of the week but they’re all Labubus: Jacob’s Ladder
me: I do not need any more books!!
my brain: but you do not have a copy of the Guru Granth Sahib, the central text of Sikhism?
me: ...I'm listening
my brain: but you do not have a copy of the Guru Granth Sahib, the central text of Sikhism?
me: ...I'm listening
November 28, 2025 at 4:06 PM
me: I do not need any more books!!
my brain: but you do not have a copy of the Guru Granth Sahib, the central text of Sikhism?
me: ...I'm listening
my brain: but you do not have a copy of the Guru Granth Sahib, the central text of Sikhism?
me: ...I'm listening
The Jewish version is you give your name as "Baruch atah Ad!nai, m'chayeh…." and half answers "hameitim" and the other answers "hakol"
November 28, 2025 at 3:12 PM
The Jewish version is you give your name as "Baruch atah Ad!nai, m'chayeh…." and half answers "hameitim" and the other answers "hakol"
I LOVE Handel’s Messiah, especially the part where they say “flesh” a lot
November 28, 2025 at 2:42 PM
I LOVE Handel’s Messiah, especially the part where they say “flesh” a lot
Reposted by maimonides nutz
Lol jesus, Liselotte, chill out
November 28, 2025 at 11:20 AM
Lol jesus, Liselotte, chill out
my therapist: this is the one week of the year i take off, are you going to be ok?
me: of course! what could possibly happen in a week?
*narrator voice* there was, in fact, a lot that could happen in a week
me: of course! what could possibly happen in a week?
*narrator voice* there was, in fact, a lot that could happen in a week
November 27, 2025 at 10:39 PM
my therapist: this is the one week of the year i take off, are you going to be ok?
me: of course! what could possibly happen in a week?
*narrator voice* there was, in fact, a lot that could happen in a week
me: of course! what could possibly happen in a week?
*narrator voice* there was, in fact, a lot that could happen in a week
I think I finally understand why this application is so hard for me to write, and why I'm so stuck
it's sad, it's vulnerable, it involves talking about things not everyone has to address in their essays,
I don't know how to write it without going there
time to curl up and shop for throw blankets
it's sad, it's vulnerable, it involves talking about things not everyone has to address in their essays,
I don't know how to write it without going there
time to curl up and shop for throw blankets
November 27, 2025 at 10:34 PM
I think I finally understand why this application is so hard for me to write, and why I'm so stuck
it's sad, it's vulnerable, it involves talking about things not everyone has to address in their essays,
I don't know how to write it without going there
time to curl up and shop for throw blankets
it's sad, it's vulnerable, it involves talking about things not everyone has to address in their essays,
I don't know how to write it without going there
time to curl up and shop for throw blankets
when the wicked son opens his mouth at the seder:
(id: a picture of sandy dunes and the words "God will ABSOLUTELY leave your ass in the desert")
(id: a picture of sandy dunes and the words "God will ABSOLUTELY leave your ass in the desert")
When you see this, post an image from your gallery to describe your mental health
November 27, 2025 at 8:05 PM
when the wicked son opens his mouth at the seder:
(id: a picture of sandy dunes and the words "God will ABSOLUTELY leave your ass in the desert")
(id: a picture of sandy dunes and the words "God will ABSOLUTELY leave your ass in the desert")
I have not cut my hair since 2022!?
November 27, 2025 at 7:58 PM
I have not cut my hair since 2022!?
When you see this, post an image from your gallery to describe your mental health
November 27, 2025 at 6:45 PM
When you see this, post an image from your gallery to describe your mental health
me in college: I'm so glad I'm done with my sociology major, now I never have to attempt to spell bourgeousie (?) again. Just one more art history seminar to go!
my art history professor: welcome to "art and revolution," I am a communist, please read this 40 page speech by Fidel Castro by tomorrow
my art history professor: welcome to "art and revolution," I am a communist, please read this 40 page speech by Fidel Castro by tomorrow
November 27, 2025 at 4:32 PM
me in college: I'm so glad I'm done with my sociology major, now I never have to attempt to spell bourgeousie (?) again. Just one more art history seminar to go!
my art history professor: welcome to "art and revolution," I am a communist, please read this 40 page speech by Fidel Castro by tomorrow
my art history professor: welcome to "art and revolution," I am a communist, please read this 40 page speech by Fidel Castro by tomorrow
I can't go to grad school ever because I cannot for the life of me hold on to the meaning of "phenomenology"
November 27, 2025 at 4:21 PM
I can't go to grad school ever because I cannot for the life of me hold on to the meaning of "phenomenology"
“my child is fine”
“your child has a playlist that is 20 hours of college a cappella”
“your child has a playlist that is 20 hours of college a cappella”
November 27, 2025 at 3:24 PM
“my child is fine”
“your child has a playlist that is 20 hours of college a cappella”
“your child has a playlist that is 20 hours of college a cappella”
It’s a solitude and grilled cheese day for me! 👍
November 27, 2025 at 3:07 PM
It’s a solitude and grilled cheese day for me! 👍
It’s my Thanksgiving tradition to donate my day’s wages to a local Indigenous organization. If you’re able to, I highly recommend doing the same!!
#LandBack
#LandBack
November 27, 2025 at 2:34 PM
It’s my Thanksgiving tradition to donate my day’s wages to a local Indigenous organization. If you’re able to, I highly recommend doing the same!!
#LandBack
#LandBack
buy nothing posts about dogs are like "I'm gifting my dog's old stuff, he died saving twenty babies from a fire" and buy nothing posts about cats are like "i'm gifting a truckload of this cat food that my asshole cat just decided he didn't like any more"
November 27, 2025 at 2:19 PM
buy nothing posts about dogs are like "I'm gifting my dog's old stuff, he died saving twenty babies from a fire" and buy nothing posts about cats are like "i'm gifting a truckload of this cat food that my asshole cat just decided he didn't like any more"
FORGOT IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY YESTERDAY!!!
November 27, 2025 at 1:43 PM
FORGOT IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY YESTERDAY!!!
I am angry at this man all over again because not only was he a creep to me on TWO different apps, but he is now the creator of the MOST SHARED piece of content on MY account 😒
November 27, 2025 at 4:58 AM
I am angry at this man all over again because not only was he a creep to me on TWO different apps, but he is now the creator of the MOST SHARED piece of content on MY account 😒
The secret here was to find a song that slows down your brain. I found Record Player by Daisy the Great and AJR
POV: I actually type up my essay instead of looking at it saying “ew” and panicking for another hour about how I need to write the essay
November 27, 2025 at 1:33 AM
The secret here was to find a song that slows down your brain. I found Record Player by Daisy the Great and AJR
Not sure what’s more shocking: that my friend would tell me my weight is why I can’t find a partner, or that I keep him around
November 26, 2025 at 9:55 PM
Not sure what’s more shocking: that my friend would tell me my weight is why I can’t find a partner, or that I keep him around
It’s amazing how far I’ve come, making deep cut jokes such as these, when “Jews actually celebrate Shabbat” was the biggest revelation from my late twenties
Friendly reminder not to ruin Thanksgiving dinner by bringing up politics, ruin Thanksgiving dinner by preparing your husband lentils when he asked for peas
November 26, 2025 at 8:45 PM
It’s amazing how far I’ve come, making deep cut jokes such as these, when “Jews actually celebrate Shabbat” was the biggest revelation from my late twenties
Friendly reminder not to ruin Thanksgiving dinner by bringing up politics, ruin Thanksgiving dinner by preparing your husband lentils when he asked for peas
November 26, 2025 at 8:14 PM
Friendly reminder not to ruin Thanksgiving dinner by bringing up politics, ruin Thanksgiving dinner by preparing your husband lentils when he asked for peas
I’ve never drawn the Eshet Chayil, and I’ve never drawn a zombie 🤔
November 26, 2025 at 8:05 PM
I’ve never drawn the Eshet Chayil, and I’ve never drawn a zombie 🤔
“Grace is deceptive,Beauty is illusory;It is for her fear of the LORD That a woman is to be praised” in the streets and “he who is pleasing to God escapes her and he who is displeasing is trapped by her” in the sheets
November 26, 2025 at 7:58 PM
“Grace is deceptive,Beauty is illusory;It is for her fear of the LORD That a woman is to be praised” in the streets and “he who is pleasing to God escapes her and he who is displeasing is trapped by her” in the sheets
POV: I actually type up my essay instead of looking at it saying “ew” and panicking for another hour about how I need to write the essay
November 26, 2025 at 6:21 PM
POV: I actually type up my essay instead of looking at it saying “ew” and panicking for another hour about how I need to write the essay