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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · 24d

Me: hey windows can you delete this file please

Windows: you got it, j-... omg there's actually a program using it right now

Me: omg who 😳

Windows: omg I can't say 🫣

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · May 7

If you're ever in a situation where someone is asking for advice and you don't know what to say, just give a piece of unrelated advice and hope they take it as a metaphor

"Man if your car starts sliding, just make sure the wheels are pointed in the direction you're going"

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Apr 11

Boyfriend: *Owen Wilson voice* wow

Girlfriend: *Jennifer Coolidge voice* wow

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Apr 7

Boyfriend: *Owen Wilson voice* wow

Girlfriend: *Jennifer Coolidge voice* wow

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Apr 4

Came up with the phrase "another feather in my dunce cap". Now I just need to wait until I do something stupid. Shouldn't be long now

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Mar 10

*billionaire explaining hard work* imagine standing for 2 hours

Cullen @hellocullen.bsky.social · Mar 10

oh for sure man

In-N-Out’s billionaire heiress says she stood in line for 2 hours to land a job at her own store when she was just a teenager to shake the ‘stigma of being the owner’s kid’ and ‘earn respect

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Feb 9

Da Vinci assigned to uncle Kyle for Calm Down Time

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Feb 7

"Take pronouns out of your email signature, just use the obvious ones" - someone who has never emailed anyone named Taylor

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Jan 20

Me: why should I use your dish soap

Dawn: look how good it cleans this duck

Me: ok well how does it do on dishes?

Dawn: again, I can't stress enough how clean this duck is

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Nov 22

If a dog wore sandals, they'd probably be Bark-enstocks lol :)

Every day it gets harder and harder to get out of bed

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Nov 20

The moniker "Mister President" is deeply funny to me. Very 5-year-old coded. Like saying Mister Doctor

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Nov 18

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Nov 7

I won't spoil it for you but you should watch it sometime

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Nov 7

The vibes are decidedly off

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Nov 7

You guys hear about the election over here? Crazy stuff

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Sep 14

There's a bit of sadness when you're at a restaurant and the food isn't delivered by Your Server.

"and who ordered the Alfredo?"

You don't know us at all. Jenny would know. Jenny would know who ordered the Alfredo.

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Jan 15

A question I ask daily, if I'm being honest

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Jan 15

Ok apropos of nothing, my dad is a huge Tesla fan (because he's also a giant fuckin nerd, he totally bought into that particular brand of futurism) and he's having a near religious crisis over how much Elon sucks as a human being.

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Jan 15

I wish twitter wasn't still so active, yet it remains the place where many of the people I care about keep posting. It's a fucking shame, honestly

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Nov 30

Me: I'm sick can you take my shift?

Coworker: sure thing

me; thank you so much1

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Nov 25

Being conscious is overrated, especially when flying

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Nov 25

They should sell edibles at the airport with the slogan "make every flight a red eye". This would make approximately 600 billion dollars

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Reposted by Kyle 🌱

Lynn Nothegger @lynnnothegger.bsky.social · Oct 26

Honestly, I’ve been laughing since yesterday at this.

A screenshot of a Twitter post showing a cow on a beach. Tbe user added the comment ‘mood’, to which another user replied. ‘It probably did’.

(The guy who made the joke is @KylePlanEmoji who should be named cause he’s made me laugh for hours at this)

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Oct 18

The difference between cows and cattle is that a cow wont use a litter box, but a cat'll

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Kyle 🌱 @kyleplantemoji.bsky.social · Sep 23

Twitter being the shit show that it is, I have to hedge my bets

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