Author | Lightnews

I Am A Pyrite King

@iamapyriteking.bsky.social

1.4K followers 730 following 6.1K posts

Mining fools' good since before you were born. I can either tell you who I am, or show you who I am, but on social media it's tough to do both.

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I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1h

Chihueeseburger

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 2h

He-patitas, also known as He-patooties, are what we more commonly refer to as man-boobs.

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 2h

He's waking up in bed and realizing it was all a dream... OR WAS IT??!!?!

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 2h

This reminds me of an old joke where somebody comes up to the subject and says, "Hey, you're _____ _____!" And the subject replies, "Yeah, and your ass whistles."

I don't remember the original name -- probably "(something) Lipschitz" -- but henceforth I will only remember it as "Dick Quax".

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 2h

... then autocorrect has struck again.

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 4h

Oh yes. Those two movies go together like EVEN THE WIND IS AFRAID and THE DEVIL'S BACKBONE.

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 5h

"Hepatitas."

Hippotitties.

Hypotutus.

Hypnotoadies.

Herpestoaster.

I need a drink.

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 5h

Well I don't like to coffee-pick, so give us a real answer, dickhead.

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 5h

Even when it pops up again in "Emanuelle Against the Zombies in Nazi Women's Prison Hell"

(Autocorrect insisted I add a second "m". Tsk.)

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 5h

"Democracy Dies in Darkness." (>click!<)

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 5h

... And the Chamber Pot of Secrets

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 5h

Oh yeah, the rocky mountainous coast of Louisiana... 🤪👍

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 5h

This is just to remind everyone that Frankenstein was Frankenstein's name, not Frankenstein's. Hope that clears it up.

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I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 6h

Ohhhhh so a two-dimensional President surrounded by two-dimensional sycophants is constructing a two-dimensional ballroom that only exists horizontally. Glad we could clear that up.

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 9h

Holy crap, I remember those. A special treat in my childhood, on the long bus ride back to NYC around Thanksgiving or Christmas. AND NEVER SINCE.

That's brought me back 50 years.

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I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 9h

I'm immediately hearing the Popeye theme in my head...

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I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 9h

ZEUS: "It's not YOUR liver. What do you have to lose?!"

MORTALS: "Yep, he's gonna make Achaea great again, and... OW! Was that my liver?!"

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 11h

They guessed my password!

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 11h

What the...?

I mean, I'm gonna eat that shit anyway, but I'd never make it an Official Recommendation.

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 11h

What does it say about me that I can't remember the faces of my blood relatives, but I see this in my timeline and immediately shout, "Pestar!"...?

Aloud.

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 12h

I've come to the conclusion that I'm OK with you having a Nazi skull... as long as you dispose of the rest of the Nazi in an environmentally responsible way.

Wood chipper emoji.

😁👍

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 12h

It pops up regularly on my timeline, and I have to say: it's comforting.

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I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 13h

ME (leans out of cupboard, pokes head out of blanket): "Wₕₐₜ'ₛ wᵣₒₙg wᵢₜₕ ₜₕᴀₐᵃₐₜ?"

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I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 14h

My favorite Married Woman Mahjong Player is Donatella. They live in a sewer and fight crime.

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I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1d

For more recent stuff, anything by Demián Rugna. If you haven't seen WHEN EVIL LURKS yet, it works as a straightforward, terrifyingly gory horror flick, but also potentially as a metaphor for anything from a botched pandemic response to the rise of fascism. Truly intelligent & uncompromising horror.