pretzel
@hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social
#1 kahoot champion turned unemployed mess
Pinned
pretzel
@hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social
· May 8
Don't kill yourself,.. Your pussy is Glorious.
sometimes I feel like I'm incapable of feeling love
December 10, 2025 at 12:32 PM
sometimes I feel like I'm incapable of feeling love
just found my token straight oomf from the pre-covid times again and he's definitely not straight. not at all. who could've seen that coming
December 10, 2025 at 12:58 AM
just found my token straight oomf from the pre-covid times again and he's definitely not straight. not at all. who could've seen that coming
I think I should be more worried about this constant chest pain than I actually am
December 9, 2025 at 12:21 PM
I think I should be more worried about this constant chest pain than I actually am
my ass itches! Scratch my Ass!
December 8, 2025 at 11:18 AM
my ass itches! Scratch my Ass!
maybe I did just eat half a pound of yogurt with my bare hand, what about it
December 6, 2025 at 11:16 AM
maybe I did just eat half a pound of yogurt with my bare hand, what about it
need to draw a Profile Picture. for my Purposes
December 3, 2025 at 2:21 AM
need to draw a Profile Picture. for my Purposes
I think more people need to know it's ok to not try and be an internet philosopher and it's okay to shut the fuck up sometimes
December 1, 2025 at 2:26 AM
I think more people need to know it's ok to not try and be an internet philosopher and it's okay to shut the fuck up sometimes
windows 11 is so cool because what do you mean I'm stuck locked out of my pc for two hours because my pc lost power for one minute
November 27, 2025 at 4:41 AM
windows 11 is so cool because what do you mean I'm stuck locked out of my pc for two hours because my pc lost power for one minute
many many years ago during standardized testing at school I randomly remembered the tickle cock bridge in castleford exists and I giggled a little bit and my teacher got mad at me
November 25, 2025 at 10:53 PM
many many years ago during standardized testing at school I randomly remembered the tickle cock bridge in castleford exists and I giggled a little bit and my teacher got mad at me
I've started replacing my modern tech with versions from the 2000s and earlier and the incandescent lightbulbs we have leftover from when those were legal are making me FEEL something
November 25, 2025 at 6:27 PM
I've started replacing my modern tech with versions from the 2000s and earlier and the incandescent lightbulbs we have leftover from when those were legal are making me FEEL something
throwback to when I was like 7 years old and hit my head on a playground and pretended to have brain damage afterwards
November 25, 2025 at 4:35 PM
throwback to when I was like 7 years old and hit my head on a playground and pretended to have brain damage afterwards
need a slightly muscular australian man with a mullet to crush a beer can on my head and slam me into a wall rn
November 22, 2025 at 1:13 PM
need a slightly muscular australian man with a mullet to crush a beer can on my head and slam me into a wall rn
yesterday I finally learned that even if I DID want to get into fnaf I could not play because flashing lights make me ill
November 17, 2025 at 7:00 AM
yesterday I finally learned that even if I DID want to get into fnaf I could not play because flashing lights make me ill
love how my love life always circles back to being whatever the fuck this is
November 15, 2025 at 2:05 PM
love how my love life always circles back to being whatever the fuck this is
love that I cursed myself to forever be referred to as a woman by default even though I see myself way more as a man
November 12, 2025 at 6:32 AM
love that I cursed myself to forever be referred to as a woman by default even though I see myself way more as a man
just remembered that time in 2011 I almost lost my right leg
November 10, 2025 at 2:03 PM
just remembered that time in 2011 I almost lost my right leg
lost the swear word spelling bee when I spelled BICTH
November 6, 2025 at 1:27 AM
lost the swear word spelling bee when I spelled BICTH
rediscovered an old video of me being held up by someone and they accidentally squeezed my balls so I doubled over in pain
November 1, 2025 at 10:55 PM
rediscovered an old video of me being held up by someone and they accidentally squeezed my balls so I doubled over in pain
my dream is to someday form a band with zero electronic sounds. just pure acoustic instruments and raw unedited voice fuckery
October 31, 2025 at 7:32 AM
my dream is to someday form a band with zero electronic sounds. just pure acoustic instruments and raw unedited voice fuckery
very insecure about my voice but damn I get flustered when someone compliments me when I sing in a low octave
October 29, 2025 at 6:55 AM
very insecure about my voice but damn I get flustered when someone compliments me when I sing in a low octave
call of mustard meme is going viral
October 29, 2025 at 3:11 AM
call of mustard meme is going viral
I am not "Hip" and "Cool" anymore. I am "Unc". I can use the smiling cat emojis as I please. 😸
October 27, 2025 at 8:03 PM
I am not "Hip" and "Cool" anymore. I am "Unc". I can use the smiling cat emojis as I please. 😸
I predict that two years into the future I am going to be just a regular alcoholic
October 27, 2025 at 9:35 AM
I predict that two years into the future I am going to be just a regular alcoholic
motherfucker you ARE a surge protector from october 2005
"I am all about safety when it comes to electricity", I say, even though I use surge protectors from october 2005
October 27, 2025 at 9:31 AM
motherfucker you ARE a surge protector from october 2005
eleven.
I am not verifying my age just to look at porn lol I've had my identity stolen probably ten times since I was 16
October 27, 2025 at 9:30 AM
eleven.