Author | Lightnews

old man boywife

@groceries.bsky.social

220 followers 86 following 2.8K posts

be the freak you wanna see just don't follow me *but actually don't follow me or I'll block you* queer - any/all DNI if you exist.

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Reposted by old man boywife

old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · Oct 4

When the cat rests her tiny little chin on ANYTHING ?? help? HELLO?? THAT is my STEPCHILD I'm the dad who STEPPED UP my partner gave BIRTH TO THAT THING behind a MCDONALD'S

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old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 1d

Did I just subscribe to Howdy, the questionable Roku streaming service, just to watch The Little Vampire (2000)? Yeah

old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 2d

Very annoyed to already be waking up in the dark. This effectively moves my morning workouts to the afternoon unless I want to drive 100 feet to the gym.

old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 3d

Jar Jar Binks with his middle finger up, on a black background, with white text "FUCK OFF MOM AND DAD" in the foreground.

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old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 3d

An extremely wide stretched out image of Uncle Fester's face (90s Addams Family movie era), cropped badly, on a white background. To the left of the face is "unle feser" in black lowercase text, and an arrow pointing at the face.

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old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 3d

Deep fried image of Larry the cucumber wearing pants, maybe jeans, which is notable because he famously doesn't have legs. In bold, bulging, white text right above Larry's head, "AIGHT"

old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 3d

Hmmmmmm didn't check the "you can use my information to contact me" box but I've been contacted four times in fifteen minutes. Interesting.

old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 4d

God I love prunes but at what cost

old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 5d

Sorry?? I got TWO subscription price increase emails IN ONE HOUR AND 32 MINUTES??? HELLO??? TWO?????? One of the services I've only been subscribed to for 15 days!

old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 5d

"he said the quiet part out loud 🤯😳😰"

Hello, we, as a whole, have not had a Quiet Part in months. Many of us have not had a Quiet Part in years, decades, lifetimes.

Reposted by old man boywife

Cen Galdre @cengaldre.com · 8d

folks can complain about the effectiveness of scheduled orderly mass protest but to think about it another way its the closest thing we have to the opening scene of A Muppet Christmas Carol where all the muppets sing "there goes Mr. Dipshit, there goes Mr. Ass" to Scrooge and it clearly bothered him

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old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 5d

This is true and it's Exhausting and it's also why I made top 8 in a (small) tournament with seven months of experience. Find a ruthless tutor and move in with them. Never doubt your skills again because your main opponent pulls no punches.

Denny @dennywhere.bsky.social · 8d

I don't think I have any. I'm sorry to report I play 1v1 magic with the cold clinical precision of a game of Papers Please.

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old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 7d

Great news

old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 7d

Why....is aldi incapable of putting items in their system before making them available on the floor. Why do I have an unknown item in my cart every week. I stood waiting through SIX cycles of "please wait for an associate" timing out and gave up!

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old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 9d

If doctors were serious about anything we'd have the flu vaccine in a gummy by now

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old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 10d

Oh thank goodness a gym with a neutral reputation is coming to my neighborhood

old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 10d

I've been sent three haunted PDFs that I can't copy any text from. All I do with these is copy and paste from them because the sender won't put it in a format we can use.

old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 10d

What if!

old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 11d

I keep thinking it's Friday I'm so fucked I'm so fucked I'm so fucked I'm so fucked I'm so fucked I'm so

old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 11d

Yes 100%

old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 12d

Wouldn't it be neat to be interested in doing the things I technically enjoy instead of dreading them

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Reposted by old man boywife

SPOOKYDEAD💀SKELEHEAD @mikeluckas.bsky.social · 12d

a good night's sleep in the Deadly Premonition bed could fix me

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old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 12d

I'm so convinced life would be easier if I wasn't allergic to shrimp. I'm also convinced they're gross because why the fuck do they smell like that. Anyway, enjoy your easy stinky life.

old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 12d

Two word slogan is not nuanced enough for me ):

old man boywife @groceries.bsky.social · 12d

Why haven't I considered car in an active automatic car wash as a good screaming location, it would be a good screaming location