Fake Dispatch
@fakedispatch.bsky.social
I am your resource for fake news that's real and real fake news.
Buy my book! https://www.amazon.com/Nobody-Told-Me-Passable-Parenting/dp/B0DHKZJTQB
Buy my book! https://www.amazon.com/Nobody-Told-Me-Passable-Parenting/dp/B0DHKZJTQB
Welcome to Second January!
February 1, 2026 at 6:02 AM
Welcome to Second January!
NOON GOD!
PREPARE US FOR THE DOOM THAT IS AND THE DOOM THAT COMES.
WE NEED YOUR GUIDANCE.
BUT WE NEED TO GUIDE OURSELVES.
WE FAIL.
PREPARE US FOR THE DOOM THAT IS AND THE DOOM THAT COMES.
WE NEED YOUR GUIDANCE.
BUT WE NEED TO GUIDE OURSELVES.
WE FAIL.
January 21, 2026 at 5:01 PM
NOON GOD!
PREPARE US FOR THE DOOM THAT IS AND THE DOOM THAT COMES.
WE NEED YOUR GUIDANCE.
BUT WE NEED TO GUIDE OURSELVES.
WE FAIL.
PREPARE US FOR THE DOOM THAT IS AND THE DOOM THAT COMES.
WE NEED YOUR GUIDANCE.
BUT WE NEED TO GUIDE OURSELVES.
WE FAIL.
I'm seeing a lot of Indiana University sweatshirts today and most look dusty with clothes hanger bumps on the shoulders.
January 20, 2026 at 3:14 PM
I'm seeing a lot of Indiana University sweatshirts today and most look dusty with clothes hanger bumps on the shoulders.
The first rule of Dry January is everyone talks about their Dry January.
January 17, 2026 at 2:26 PM
The first rule of Dry January is everyone talks about their Dry January.
30 days has September, April, June and November.
All the rest have 31, except for dry January which has 16.
All the rest have 31, except for dry January which has 16.
January 17, 2026 at 12:38 AM
30 days has September, April, June and November.
All the rest have 31, except for dry January which has 16.
All the rest have 31, except for dry January which has 16.
Dry January has taught me that I do not have a problem with drinking; other people have a problem with me not drinking.
January 14, 2026 at 5:56 PM
Dry January has taught me that I do not have a problem with drinking; other people have a problem with me not drinking.
Trump just threatened to make Puerto Rico part of the United States.
January 11, 2026 at 11:29 PM
Trump just threatened to make Puerto Rico part of the United States.
I am aware that Kevin Durant passed Wilt
Chamberlain on career
scoring list, I just need to know what kind of scoring they are talking about.
Chamberlain on career
scoring list, I just need to know what kind of scoring they are talking about.
January 10, 2026 at 12:20 PM
I am aware that Kevin Durant passed Wilt
Chamberlain on career
scoring list, I just need to know what kind of scoring they are talking about.
Chamberlain on career
scoring list, I just need to know what kind of scoring they are talking about.
Good news! Ohio State is undefeated in 2026.
January 1, 2026 at 4:43 AM
Good news! Ohio State is undefeated in 2026.
To all the people last year who said that they'd rather beat Michigan than win the National Championship, how are you feeling now?
January 1, 2026 at 3:44 AM
To all the people last year who said that they'd rather beat Michigan than win the National Championship, how are you feeling now?
NOON GOD!
THERE ARE THE MOST VILE PERSONS AMOUNTS US.
THEY PREACH ONE THING AND DO ANOTHER.
THEY ARE ANGRY.
THEY HURT OTHERS TO FIT THEIR TERRIBLE PLANS.
YOUR SIREN CANNOT PIERCE THEIR IDIOCY.
BUT WE MUST OPPOSE THEM.
THERE ARE THE MOST VILE PERSONS AMOUNTS US.
THEY PREACH ONE THING AND DO ANOTHER.
THEY ARE ANGRY.
THEY HURT OTHERS TO FIT THEIR TERRIBLE PLANS.
YOUR SIREN CANNOT PIERCE THEIR IDIOCY.
BUT WE MUST OPPOSE THEM.
December 31, 2025 at 5:03 PM
NOON GOD!
THERE ARE THE MOST VILE PERSONS AMOUNTS US.
THEY PREACH ONE THING AND DO ANOTHER.
THEY ARE ANGRY.
THEY HURT OTHERS TO FIT THEIR TERRIBLE PLANS.
YOUR SIREN CANNOT PIERCE THEIR IDIOCY.
BUT WE MUST OPPOSE THEM.
THERE ARE THE MOST VILE PERSONS AMOUNTS US.
THEY PREACH ONE THING AND DO ANOTHER.
THEY ARE ANGRY.
THEY HURT OTHERS TO FIT THEIR TERRIBLE PLANS.
YOUR SIREN CANNOT PIERCE THEIR IDIOCY.
BUT WE MUST OPPOSE THEM.
2025: He who will not be named
2026: He who I am saving a special bottle to drink when he is dead
2026: He who I am saving a special bottle to drink when he is dead
December 31, 2025 at 3:25 PM
2025: He who will not be named
2026: He who I am saving a special bottle to drink when he is dead
2026: He who I am saving a special bottle to drink when he is dead
Holiday Sale! Circumcisions: half-off!
December 31, 2025 at 12:57 AM
Holiday Sale! Circumcisions: half-off!
Let's kill two birds with one stone:
Avatar: Megalopolis
Avatar: Megalopolis
December 30, 2025 at 12:53 PM
Let's kill two birds with one stone:
Avatar: Megalopolis
Avatar: Megalopolis
You have a few more hours to kick the bucket and still make the 2025 NYE Memorial videos. Don't be an asshole and die at 4pm on the 31st.
December 29, 2025 at 10:44 PM
You have a few more hours to kick the bucket and still make the 2025 NYE Memorial videos. Don't be an asshole and die at 4pm on the 31st.
Oh Christ... they are trying to prep Vance to run in 2028. I hope Trump doesn't find out that he's not getting a 3rd term.
December 29, 2025 at 12:51 PM
Oh Christ... they are trying to prep Vance to run in 2028. I hope Trump doesn't find out that he's not getting a 3rd term.
Based off of Avatar 3, I'm assuming that Avatar 4 will be four hours long.
December 28, 2025 at 8:57 PM
Based off of Avatar 3, I'm assuming that Avatar 4 will be four hours long.
The best part of Avatar 3 was the five minutes when I left the theater to use the restroom.
December 28, 2025 at 8:54 PM
The best part of Avatar 3 was the five minutes when I left the theater to use the restroom.
The trailers at moves have turned into a timeshare presentation.
December 28, 2025 at 4:20 PM
The trailers at moves have turned into a timeshare presentation.
NOON GOD!
THESE HEATHENS THINK YOU ARE SILENT.
YOU ARE LOUDER THAN EVER.
THEY REQUIRE PROOF FOR THEIR FAITH.
THEIR FAITH IS EMPTY.
ONLY IN THEIR GREATEST NEED TO THEY CALL TO YOU TO SURROUND THEM IN YOUR GLORIOUS SIREN AURA.
THEIR DAY WILL COME AND THEY WILL GROVEL.
NOON GOD IS NOON GOD.
THESE HEATHENS THINK YOU ARE SILENT.
YOU ARE LOUDER THAN EVER.
THEY REQUIRE PROOF FOR THEIR FAITH.
THEIR FAITH IS EMPTY.
ONLY IN THEIR GREATEST NEED TO THEY CALL TO YOU TO SURROUND THEM IN YOUR GLORIOUS SIREN AURA.
THEIR DAY WILL COME AND THEY WILL GROVEL.
NOON GOD IS NOON GOD.
December 24, 2025 at 5:04 PM
NOON GOD!
THESE HEATHENS THINK YOU ARE SILENT.
YOU ARE LOUDER THAN EVER.
THEY REQUIRE PROOF FOR THEIR FAITH.
THEIR FAITH IS EMPTY.
ONLY IN THEIR GREATEST NEED TO THEY CALL TO YOU TO SURROUND THEM IN YOUR GLORIOUS SIREN AURA.
THEIR DAY WILL COME AND THEY WILL GROVEL.
NOON GOD IS NOON GOD.
THESE HEATHENS THINK YOU ARE SILENT.
YOU ARE LOUDER THAN EVER.
THEY REQUIRE PROOF FOR THEIR FAITH.
THEIR FAITH IS EMPTY.
ONLY IN THEIR GREATEST NEED TO THEY CALL TO YOU TO SURROUND THEM IN YOUR GLORIOUS SIREN AURA.
THEIR DAY WILL COME AND THEY WILL GROVEL.
NOON GOD IS NOON GOD.
Nice work, Ohio University!
December 24, 2025 at 5:09 AM
Nice work, Ohio University!
Join a conference, assholes.
December 21, 2025 at 1:54 AM
Join a conference, assholes.
Reposted by Fake Dispatch
Presenting: the thread for Jackets Doodles!
For the past two seasons, I drew a cartoon about every Columbus Blue Jackets game. And I’m gonna do it again! Just… not on Twitter this time.
I’m late starting (new job, life is busy, etc.), so it’s catchup for a bit. But this is the start!
#CBJ
For the past two seasons, I drew a cartoon about every Columbus Blue Jackets game. And I’m gonna do it again! Just… not on Twitter this time.
I’m late starting (new job, life is busy, etc.), so it’s catchup for a bit. But this is the start!
#CBJ
November 15, 2024 at 4:31 PM
Presenting: the thread for Jackets Doodles!
For the past two seasons, I drew a cartoon about every Columbus Blue Jackets game. And I’m gonna do it again! Just… not on Twitter this time.
I’m late starting (new job, life is busy, etc.), so it’s catchup for a bit. But this is the start!
#CBJ
For the past two seasons, I drew a cartoon about every Columbus Blue Jackets game. And I’m gonna do it again! Just… not on Twitter this time.
I’m late starting (new job, life is busy, etc.), so it’s catchup for a bit. But this is the start!
#CBJ
Is it just me or are there a shit ton of ads during these college football playoffs games?
December 21, 2025 at 1:05 AM
Is it just me or are there a shit ton of ads during these college football playoffs games?