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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 1d

I am finally fulfilling my destiny of playing a character named “White Guy” in a comedy sketch. This is why I moved to Hollywood.

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 2d

It blows my mind when someone is fighting for Taylor Swifts honor online, and I click on their profile and they are an adult in their mid 40s to early 50s. That means you didn’t grow up with her music, you fell this head over heels into a parasocial relationship in your mid 30s or later.

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 5d

Doctor “Ok so I’m going to prescribe you this to help relax your body and mind so you can sleep. Take it at night when you are READY to go to sleep”

Me “…”

Doctor “You’re going to take it then fight to stay awake as long as you can aren’t you?”

Me “yup”

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 5d

I’m proud of society for finally seeing how much the comedians I hate suck. But I’m disappointed in society that it took this long to see it.

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 6d

The only other group this smug, talentless, self indulgent, and obsessed with their own farts, is right wing pundits. This shit reads like Ben Shapiro wrote it.

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 7d

This looks more shit-like than real shit somehow

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 7d

Yes this is about Tom Segura

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 7d

I’d prefer they be held responsible in front of a firing squad but I guess “in front of a senate committee” is a good first step

Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social · 7d

Listen to the response to this and look how easy it is to say it.

Graham Platner for Senate @grahamformaine.bsky.social · 7d

We have armed secret police kidnapping people off the street based on the color of their skin.

When we win: we will haul them before a Senate committee. The masks will come off. There will be consequences.

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 7d

I got my hair cut in a part of Glendale year where everyone was dressing like Brooklyn hipsters from 2009

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 8d

In my teens and early 20s I knew a bunch of dudes who loved smoking weed but were afraid that showing any kinds of joy or whimsy would make them look gay, so they would just smoke blunts in stone faced silence. And it’s like, giggling is one of the top 5 best side effects of weed my dudes. Chill

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 8d

Shit would be so sick

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 8d

You thought the depreciation on a Lambo was bad before…

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 8d

“Found Dead in Lamborghini” would be a pretty dope name for a Synthwave song

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 8d

I just heard that “Bad Day” Daniel Powter in an Uber, and I realized that might be one of the worst fucking songs I’ve ever heard. How the fuck did that become a hit? I need to meet the person who is casually throwing that shit on for enjoyment. Sounds like it was written for a Kleenex commercial

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 9d

I can see why that guy was so trigged with my flippant mockery

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 9d

The epidemic will never end until gabapentin is destigmatized

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 9d

Yummy

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 9d

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 9d

This guy got mad because I said Jimmy Car is a hack pussy. Then came back like two weeks later to randomly reply to another tweet. He then legit thought that I thought he was just a die hard “Carr Head.” I am fascinated as to what it must be like to go through life this fucking stupid

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 9d

Ya I can tell when they are rage bots though. A lot of them re just actual idiots

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 9d

Some very stupid people on Threads who don’t understand jokes think they are arguing with me, while I’m actually just making fun of them, but they don’t realize I’m making fun of them because they’re very very stupid and don’t understand jokes.

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 9d

I can think of a pretty good solution

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 9d

Her family dying form mold infections because their immune system is fucked form a carnivore diet is pretty fucking funny

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 9d

Would be pretty cool if Jordan Peterson dies. Keeping any eye on it, but I have high hopes

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Evan Leslie Jokes @evanlesliejones.bsky.social · 9d

Hey just because you got sober doesn’t automatically make you more of an authority on life. You quitting opioids doesn’t make your perspective on the world clearer and more “real” than mine, just because I smoked a dab 2min ago. Like congratulations, but you quit oxy, you didn’t also get a PHD

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