James Earl Marsters
@earlofbeverley.bsky.social
Comedian on stage and online. Normal person otherwise. You liked that thing I said once. He/him 🏳️🌈
Beverley/Hull, Yorkshire, UK
Beverley/Hull, Yorkshire, UK
Pinned
Alright, it's time to transfer all of this stuff over from the other place. When I'm at a wedding or on holiday, I like to get a picture of me falling down some stairs. I can't explain why but here's a massive thread. The first time this happened was at my cousin's wedding many years ago 1/
Guys, it's Christmas do time. The bars are really busy. There's staff are stressed. When you get to the front, you need to already know what everyone wants in your round. Don't get to the bar and then say "what do you want"
December 12, 2025 at 7:37 PM
Guys, it's Christmas do time. The bars are really busy. There's staff are stressed. When you get to the front, you need to already know what everyone wants in your round. Don't get to the bar and then say "what do you want"
I just forgot the word for sink plunger and said 'I need to make the sink sick'
December 12, 2025 at 12:05 PM
I just forgot the word for sink plunger and said 'I need to make the sink sick'
Evri at 9.30: Your parcel is out for delivery between 12.00 and 13.00
Evri at 10.30: Your parcel is delayed. We don't know when it's coming
What changed in an hour?
Evri at 10.30: Your parcel is delayed. We don't know when it's coming
What changed in an hour?
December 12, 2025 at 11:05 AM
Evri at 9.30: Your parcel is out for delivery between 12.00 and 13.00
Evri at 10.30: Your parcel is delayed. We don't know when it's coming
What changed in an hour?
Evri at 10.30: Your parcel is delayed. We don't know when it's coming
What changed in an hour?
Not attempting to rejoin EU customs union 'complete fuel for Greens and Lib Dems', Starmer warned (by me)
Attempting to rejoin EU customs union 'complete fuel for Reform', Starmer warned
Attempting to rejoin EU customs union 'complete fuel for Reform', Starmer warned
Attempting to rejoin an EU customs union would be "complete fuel for Reform", Sir Keir Starmer has been warned.
news.sky.com
December 12, 2025 at 7:35 AM
Not attempting to rejoin EU customs union 'complete fuel for Greens and Lib Dems', Starmer warned (by me)
Me: "Can I have a flat white please?"
Barista: "Regular or large?"
Me: "No"
Barista: "Regular or large?"
Me: "No"
December 11, 2025 at 8:04 PM
Me: "Can I have a flat white please?"
Barista: "Regular or large?"
Me: "No"
Barista: "Regular or large?"
Me: "No"
Apparently Bonnie Blue has endorsed Reform UK which is clearly the correct party for someone who loves getting fucked
December 11, 2025 at 11:32 AM
Apparently Bonnie Blue has endorsed Reform UK which is clearly the correct party for someone who loves getting fucked
Alexa: By the way, I found a routine that has absolutely nothing to do with the question you just asked. Would you like me to enable it?
Me: Would you like me to throw you out of a window?
Me: Would you like me to throw you out of a window?
December 10, 2025 at 6:40 PM
Alexa: By the way, I found a routine that has absolutely nothing to do with the question you just asked. Would you like me to enable it?
Me: Would you like me to throw you out of a window?
Me: Would you like me to throw you out of a window?
I imagine there are parts of the USA which are great and some which are shit, just like everywhere. I'd quite like to see Seattle, San Fran, Baltimore, New Orleans and parts of the Deep South and the Rockies. But I don't wish to visit any country with a fascist government or thin-skinned dictator
December 10, 2025 at 2:54 PM
I imagine there are parts of the USA which are great and some which are shit, just like everywhere. I'd quite like to see Seattle, San Fran, Baltimore, New Orleans and parts of the Deep South and the Rockies. But I don't wish to visit any country with a fascist government or thin-skinned dictator
Reposted by James Earl Marsters
let he who was not obsessed with Hitler as a schoolboy cast the first sto- oh wow okay you're all picking up stones, huh. really thought liking Hitler was a more universal thing than it was, well you learn something new every- OWW stop casting stones at me
December 10, 2025 at 9:43 AM
let he who was not obsessed with Hitler as a schoolboy cast the first sto- oh wow okay you're all picking up stones, huh. really thought liking Hitler was a more universal thing than it was, well you learn something new every- OWW stop casting stones at me
Your boss should have your back. If he doesn't, I'd say it's time to leave the organisation
join.greenparty.org.uk/join-us/
join.greenparty.org.uk/join-us/
Asked repeatedly about Donald Trump calling Sadiq Khan "disgusting" and suggesting that he was only elected because of immigrants, Keir Starmer's spokesman says only that the PM has a "strong relationship" with the President which has "yielded positive results for this country"
December 9, 2025 at 2:01 PM
Your boss should have your back. If he doesn't, I'd say it's time to leave the organisation
join.greenparty.org.uk/join-us/
join.greenparty.org.uk/join-us/
A lesson from this morning: don't utter the words "the traffic lights have been kind to me this morning" unless you want to spend the next 40 minutes of a 10-minute journey in a traffic jam
December 9, 2025 at 8:08 AM
A lesson from this morning: don't utter the words "the traffic lights have been kind to me this morning" unless you want to spend the next 40 minutes of a 10-minute journey in a traffic jam
5 x 5 = 25. A great number. A very pleasing, top-quality square number. But, I regret to inform you that 25 x 25, the squaring of such a prestigious square itself, is the disappointing 625. Why does it look like that? 25 is glorious. 625? No thank you. I would like a refund.
December 8, 2025 at 1:09 PM
5 x 5 = 25. A great number. A very pleasing, top-quality square number. But, I regret to inform you that 25 x 25, the squaring of such a prestigious square itself, is the disappointing 625. Why does it look like that? 25 is glorious. 625? No thank you. I would like a refund.
The biggest disappointment in life is a motorway services with bridge to the other side but which ends in a car park and doesn't actually link into the building
December 7, 2025 at 4:40 PM
The biggest disappointment in life is a motorway services with bridge to the other side but which ends in a car park and doesn't actually link into the building
In hindsight, it seems criminal that someone came up with an S Club Juniors but never a Baby Steps
December 7, 2025 at 1:45 PM
In hindsight, it seems criminal that someone came up with an S Club Juniors but never a Baby Steps
Reposted by James Earl Marsters
My dad abhors any negative comments about immigrants. Asked him recently why he’s so strong on it: ‘Because we’re always happy to take the rich and clever ones. Which means it’s not about disliking immigrants. It’s about disliking the poor and vulnerable. And that’s a bad human instinct.’
December 7, 2025 at 8:31 AM
My dad abhors any negative comments about immigrants. Asked him recently why he’s so strong on it: ‘Because we’re always happy to take the rich and clever ones. Which means it’s not about disliking immigrants. It’s about disliking the poor and vulnerable. And that’s a bad human instinct.’
Boom boom boom boom
Boom boom boom
Boom boom boom boom
Boom boom boom
Boom boom boom
Boom boom boom boom
Boom boom boom
Which lines of poetry live rent-free in your head?
December 6, 2025 at 9:37 PM
Boom boom boom boom
Boom boom boom
Boom boom boom boom
Boom boom boom
Boom boom boom
Boom boom boom boom
Boom boom boom
The chief constable of the Karma Police is Ray de Yohead
December 6, 2025 at 8:03 PM
The chief constable of the Karma Police is Ray de Yohead
You think???
December 6, 2025 at 7:26 PM
You think???
I'm in a pub with THE most hilariously dreadful Xmas music ever. Mariah Carey duetting with Justin Bieber on All I Want... (I had to Shazam it), a Michael Buble song about Xmas jumpers, Cliff Richard's The Millennium Prayer, Rod Stewart's Auld Lang Syne (with bagpipes) and one of the newer Band Aids
December 6, 2025 at 6:33 PM
I'm in a pub with THE most hilariously dreadful Xmas music ever. Mariah Carey duetting with Justin Bieber on All I Want... (I had to Shazam it), a Michael Buble song about Xmas jumpers, Cliff Richard's The Millennium Prayer, Rod Stewart's Auld Lang Syne (with bagpipes) and one of the newer Band Aids
My top tips for looking younger:
1) Run everywhere
2) Put your hand up every time you want to go to the toilet
3) Ask your mum if you can have ice cream for tea
4) Put stabilisers on your bike
5) Watch the same episode of Peppa Pig three times in a row
1) Run everywhere
2) Put your hand up every time you want to go to the toilet
3) Ask your mum if you can have ice cream for tea
4) Put stabilisers on your bike
5) Watch the same episode of Peppa Pig three times in a row
December 5, 2025 at 10:14 PM
My top tips for looking younger:
1) Run everywhere
2) Put your hand up every time you want to go to the toilet
3) Ask your mum if you can have ice cream for tea
4) Put stabilisers on your bike
5) Watch the same episode of Peppa Pig three times in a row
1) Run everywhere
2) Put your hand up every time you want to go to the toilet
3) Ask your mum if you can have ice cream for tea
4) Put stabilisers on your bike
5) Watch the same episode of Peppa Pig three times in a row
The thing about the world cup is that people want to see tasty matches in the group stage. With more teams, 2026 will absolutely not deliver that and people have such short attention spans these days that they might switch off and forget to switch back on again in the quarter finals
December 5, 2025 at 7:09 PM
The thing about the world cup is that people want to see tasty matches in the group stage. With more teams, 2026 will absolutely not deliver that and people have such short attention spans these days that they might switch off and forget to switch back on again in the quarter finals
The real FIFA World Cup draw was Gianni Infantino selecting who would win the inaugural FIFA Peace Prize by putting the names of all his mates into a hat and pulling out the only name in there
December 5, 2025 at 7:03 PM
The real FIFA World Cup draw was Gianni Infantino selecting who would win the inaugural FIFA Peace Prize by putting the names of all his mates into a hat and pulling out the only name in there
I'm in a pub, overhearing two straight blokes talking about finding out that one of their friends is bi. Apparently it came as such a shock and they can't imagine him being a bottom and they've never seen him flirt with a guy. Why are straight people so obsessed with what we do in the bedroom?
December 5, 2025 at 6:33 PM
I'm in a pub, overhearing two straight blokes talking about finding out that one of their friends is bi. Apparently it came as such a shock and they can't imagine him being a bottom and they've never seen him flirt with a guy. Why are straight people so obsessed with what we do in the bedroom?
Ah the world cup draw is on. I'll tune in again in an hour's time when the draw actually starts
December 5, 2025 at 5:14 PM
Ah the world cup draw is on. I'll tune in again in an hour's time when the draw actually starts
The problem is that the media over-represents minorities. For example, they give too much airtime to racists when the majority of the UK population are not
December 5, 2025 at 8:32 AM
The problem is that the media over-represents minorities. For example, they give too much airtime to racists when the majority of the UK population are not