Dan Telfer
@dantelfer.com
Stand-up Comic / Nerd Poker podcast’s Dungeon Master / Voice Over Person / former MAD Magazine & The Onion editor / currently writing games & scripts
dantelfer.com
dantelfer.com
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Some of y’all have a lot more power within this nightmare than you think you do—
- Make and share food
- Give tenants a break on rent / utilities
- Offer to walk people to and from cars
- Be willing to sit & listen
- Examine your boundaries so you can give with more kindness, safety, and confidence
- Make and share food
- Give tenants a break on rent / utilities
- Offer to walk people to and from cars
- Be willing to sit & listen
- Examine your boundaries so you can give with more kindness, safety, and confidence
January 25, 2026 at 7:50 PM
Some of y’all have a lot more power within this nightmare than you think you do—
- Make and share food
- Give tenants a break on rent / utilities
- Offer to walk people to and from cars
- Be willing to sit & listen
- Examine your boundaries so you can give with more kindness, safety, and confidence
- Make and share food
- Give tenants a break on rent / utilities
- Offer to walk people to and from cars
- Be willing to sit & listen
- Examine your boundaries so you can give with more kindness, safety, and confidence
Don’t sleep on Fionna & Cake, nerds.
It’s as if the writers not only watched every episode of Adventure Time together, but they also team-binged Fleabag and watched Bottoms as a chaser.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
It’s as if the writers not only watched every episode of Adventure Time together, but they also team-binged Fleabag and watched Bottoms as a chaser.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
January 23, 2026 at 11:36 PM
Don’t sleep on Fionna & Cake, nerds.
It’s as if the writers not only watched every episode of Adventure Time together, but they also team-binged Fleabag and watched Bottoms as a chaser.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
It’s as if the writers not only watched every episode of Adventure Time together, but they also team-binged Fleabag and watched Bottoms as a chaser.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I often think about how if we called it “educating” A.I. it would get defunded completely
January 23, 2026 at 9:20 PM
I often think about how if we called it “educating” A.I. it would get defunded completely
There’s suddenly so many “moderate” comedians.
It’s a handy reminder that the specific term “stand-up” may be from earlier, but it was largely popularized as a jokey label that the mob would give comedians when they performed under hostile conditions.
“He’s a stand-up guy.”
AKA mafia bootlicker 🤷
It’s a handy reminder that the specific term “stand-up” may be from earlier, but it was largely popularized as a jokey label that the mob would give comedians when they performed under hostile conditions.
“He’s a stand-up guy.”
AKA mafia bootlicker 🤷
January 23, 2026 at 8:39 PM
There’s suddenly so many “moderate” comedians.
It’s a handy reminder that the specific term “stand-up” may be from earlier, but it was largely popularized as a jokey label that the mob would give comedians when they performed under hostile conditions.
“He’s a stand-up guy.”
AKA mafia bootlicker 🤷
It’s a handy reminder that the specific term “stand-up” may be from earlier, but it was largely popularized as a jokey label that the mob would give comedians when they performed under hostile conditions.
“He’s a stand-up guy.”
AKA mafia bootlicker 🤷
I get that the reviews are good, but I still can’t believe they named the movie 28 Years Later: Welcome To The Bone Zone
January 22, 2026 at 6:41 AM
I get that the reviews are good, but I still can’t believe they named the movie 28 Years Later: Welcome To The Bone Zone
Hey hey sup y'all? Did you know the US might announce they're invading Greenland tomorrow, and that Europe promised to go to war with the US if they do? Kinda slipped through my usual news feed, so I thought I would give the big Telfer in-crowd a friendly heads up! www.forbes.com/sites/mikest...
Greenland PM Says Invasion ‘Can’t Be Ruled Out’ (Live Updates)
European leaders are criticizing President Donald Trump and his proposed tariffs, pledging solidarity with Greenland at the World Economic Forum.
www.forbes.com
January 21, 2026 at 4:49 AM
Hey hey sup y'all? Did you know the US might announce they're invading Greenland tomorrow, and that Europe promised to go to war with the US if they do? Kinda slipped through my usual news feed, so I thought I would give the big Telfer in-crowd a friendly heads up! www.forbes.com/sites/mikest...
Democrats are people who ignore the primaries and Republicans are people who think the Constitution just says “have lively debates”
January 20, 2026 at 11:35 PM
Democrats are people who ignore the primaries and Republicans are people who think the Constitution just says “have lively debates”
Just because you don’t have the patience or wisdom to get to know someone doesn’t mean their identity is fake. It means you are impatient and/or dumb.
January 20, 2026 at 7:55 AM
Just because you don’t have the patience or wisdom to get to know someone doesn’t mean their identity is fake. It means you are impatient and/or dumb.
“Why doesn’t anyone have compassion for me?!”
— all psychopaths and sociopaths
— all psychopaths and sociopaths
January 16, 2026 at 1:54 AM
“Why doesn’t anyone have compassion for me?!”
— all psychopaths and sociopaths
— all psychopaths and sociopaths
It’s nice being a stand-up comedian in that community, and I am happy to have lots of comic and non-comic friends, but comedians make up 99.9% of the Avoidant Attachment population.
I have had three of them check in about the 2025 LA fires… this month. I guess fire is CLINGY
Love y’all!
I have had three of them check in about the 2025 LA fires… this month. I guess fire is CLINGY
Love y’all!
January 14, 2026 at 12:19 AM
It’s nice being a stand-up comedian in that community, and I am happy to have lots of comic and non-comic friends, but comedians make up 99.9% of the Avoidant Attachment population.
I have had three of them check in about the 2025 LA fires… this month. I guess fire is CLINGY
Love y’all!
I have had three of them check in about the 2025 LA fires… this month. I guess fire is CLINGY
Love y’all!
General strikes sound fantastic if you are one of those rare, lucky americans who won’t be fired, starve, & lose shelter within a month if you try it.
There is NO safety net.
I get it, I do. We need everyone. But also I feel like americans who are enthusiastic about it very much don’t get it.
There is NO safety net.
I get it, I do. We need everyone. But also I feel like americans who are enthusiastic about it very much don’t get it.
January 13, 2026 at 9:57 PM
General strikes sound fantastic if you are one of those rare, lucky americans who won’t be fired, starve, & lose shelter within a month if you try it.
There is NO safety net.
I get it, I do. We need everyone. But also I feel like americans who are enthusiastic about it very much don’t get it.
There is NO safety net.
I get it, I do. We need everyone. But also I feel like americans who are enthusiastic about it very much don’t get it.
Dear people who drop the phrase “it’s interesting” into a monologue about yourself:
OH? YOU DON’T SAY! IS IT?
OH? YOU DON’T SAY! IS IT?
January 12, 2026 at 11:38 PM
Dear people who drop the phrase “it’s interesting” into a monologue about yourself:
OH? YOU DON’T SAY! IS IT?
OH? YOU DON’T SAY! IS IT?
Reposted by Dan Telfer
At last night’s candlelight vigil for Renee Nicole Good, Bishop Rob Hirschfeld of the Episcopal Diocese of New Hampshire announced he had asked the clergy of the diocese to get their affairs in order and to make sure they have their wills written ...,
January 11, 2026 at 12:48 AM
At last night’s candlelight vigil for Renee Nicole Good, Bishop Rob Hirschfeld of the Episcopal Diocese of New Hampshire announced he had asked the clergy of the diocese to get their affairs in order and to make sure they have their wills written ...,
My sympathies to everyone else who’ll still be on the Raya waitlist when Western Civilization collapses
January 11, 2026 at 2:07 AM
My sympathies to everyone else who’ll still be on the Raya waitlist when Western Civilization collapses
Would you like to see more or less of these useless notifications you never asked for?
[ ] More [ X ] Less
Great! We will now send them constantly, which will gaslight you into thinking it could somehow be worse! 💕
[ ] More [ X ] Less
Great! We will now send them constantly, which will gaslight you into thinking it could somehow be worse! 💕
January 9, 2026 at 10:25 PM
Would you like to see more or less of these useless notifications you never asked for?
[ ] More [ X ] Less
Great! We will now send them constantly, which will gaslight you into thinking it could somehow be worse! 💕
[ ] More [ X ] Less
Great! We will now send them constantly, which will gaslight you into thinking it could somehow be worse! 💕
dating has gotten so hard lately! these days the only attractive quality a person can have is overthrowing the government
January 8, 2026 at 9:54 PM
dating has gotten so hard lately! these days the only attractive quality a person can have is overthrowing the government
January, aka Let’s Actually NOT Circle Back Month
January 7, 2026 at 12:40 AM
January, aka Let’s Actually NOT Circle Back Month
Y’know, Stranger Things, I can buy that there was a secret government program to give children telekinesis in the 80’s.
But a wealth of trauma terminology that would require The Body Keeps The Score to be written in the 80’s? Zero fuckin’ chance.
But a wealth of trauma terminology that would require The Body Keeps The Score to be written in the 80’s? Zero fuckin’ chance.
January 5, 2026 at 8:47 AM
Y’know, Stranger Things, I can buy that there was a secret government program to give children telekinesis in the 80’s.
But a wealth of trauma terminology that would require The Body Keeps The Score to be written in the 80’s? Zero fuckin’ chance.
But a wealth of trauma terminology that would require The Body Keeps The Score to be written in the 80’s? Zero fuckin’ chance.
As more and more friends and family become unhoused and starve, despite working 80 hour weeks, every media source will say it isn’t actually happening.
Everyone is just waiting for this to blow over. As if hell can blow over.
How many people will we lose before someone does what needs to be done?
Everyone is just waiting for this to blow over. As if hell can blow over.
How many people will we lose before someone does what needs to be done?
January 4, 2026 at 4:21 AM
As more and more friends and family become unhoused and starve, despite working 80 hour weeks, every media source will say it isn’t actually happening.
Everyone is just waiting for this to blow over. As if hell can blow over.
How many people will we lose before someone does what needs to be done?
Everyone is just waiting for this to blow over. As if hell can blow over.
How many people will we lose before someone does what needs to be done?
You can really tell how wealthy and insulated someone is by their continued shock and surprise at what is happening
January 3, 2026 at 5:23 PM
You can really tell how wealthy and insulated someone is by their continued shock and surprise at what is happening
Going live on Twitch for a late run of Arc Raiders shortly! Come watch? I’ll link when live!
January 2, 2026 at 6:50 AM
Going live on Twitch for a late run of Arc Raiders shortly! Come watch? I’ll link when live!
My favorite part of performing comedy for over 25 years is people never stop asking “do you still do comedy?!?” as if there are only two gears— flailing open micer everyone hears about, and flailing billionaire everyone hears about
January 1, 2026 at 12:43 AM
My favorite part of performing comedy for over 25 years is people never stop asking “do you still do comedy?!?” as if there are only two gears— flailing open micer everyone hears about, and flailing billionaire everyone hears about
I guess all bananas are Gen Z now since they all go right from being green to withering and dying
December 31, 2025 at 8:24 PM
I guess all bananas are Gen Z now since they all go right from being green to withering and dying
I love the moment in Rings of Power where a young Sauron is at the forge of Eregion with Celebrimbor, and he says—
“Looks like I’m—“
*stares directly into the camera*
“— the LORD of the RINGS.”
Which cues Thin Lizzy’s The Boys Are Back in Town, because of course Amazon can afford to license it.
“Looks like I’m—“
*stares directly into the camera*
“— the LORD of the RINGS.”
Which cues Thin Lizzy’s The Boys Are Back in Town, because of course Amazon can afford to license it.
December 29, 2025 at 5:43 AM
I love the moment in Rings of Power where a young Sauron is at the forge of Eregion with Celebrimbor, and he says—
“Looks like I’m—“
*stares directly into the camera*
“— the LORD of the RINGS.”
Which cues Thin Lizzy’s The Boys Are Back in Town, because of course Amazon can afford to license it.
“Looks like I’m—“
*stares directly into the camera*
“— the LORD of the RINGS.”
Which cues Thin Lizzy’s The Boys Are Back in Town, because of course Amazon can afford to license it.
Reposted by Dan Telfer
Merry Christmas to people with strained families, shitty families, or no family at all. I promise you there are so many of us who are struggling to get through these days, as best we can, and that's enough. You are not alone.❤️
December 25, 2025 at 7:25 PM
Merry Christmas to people with strained families, shitty families, or no family at all. I promise you there are so many of us who are struggling to get through these days, as best we can, and that's enough. You are not alone.❤️