Dan Maier
@danielmaier.bsky.social
Semenyo, weeks 1-7: average 9.42 ppg.
Week 8 - I transfer in Semenyo.
Semenyo, week 8-11: average 2.25 ppg.
I can only apologise to Semeyo owners. #fpl #fantasypremierleague
Week 8 - I transfer in Semenyo.
Semenyo, week 8-11: average 2.25 ppg.
I can only apologise to Semeyo owners. #fpl #fantasypremierleague
November 9, 2025 at 3:57 PM
Semenyo, weeks 1-7: average 9.42 ppg.
Week 8 - I transfer in Semenyo.
Semenyo, week 8-11: average 2.25 ppg.
I can only apologise to Semeyo owners. #fpl #fantasypremierleague
Week 8 - I transfer in Semenyo.
Semenyo, week 8-11: average 2.25 ppg.
I can only apologise to Semeyo owners. #fpl #fantasypremierleague
1. Sky commentator: So, pundit, who's your player of the match?
2. Camera cuts to pundit's choice for player of the match.
3. Pundit reveals identity of player of the match.
You'd think after all these years they'd've learned to do 2 and 3 the other way round.
2. Camera cuts to pundit's choice for player of the match.
3. Pundit reveals identity of player of the match.
You'd think after all these years they'd've learned to do 2 and 3 the other way round.
November 2, 2025 at 6:26 PM
1. Sky commentator: So, pundit, who's your player of the match?
2. Camera cuts to pundit's choice for player of the match.
3. Pundit reveals identity of player of the match.
You'd think after all these years they'd've learned to do 2 and 3 the other way round.
2. Camera cuts to pundit's choice for player of the match.
3. Pundit reveals identity of player of the match.
You'd think after all these years they'd've learned to do 2 and 3 the other way round.
Reposted by Dan Maier
Fans of my old radio show ONE will be delighted to learn that some sketches by me and @danielmaier.bsky.social from that brilliant comedy series are reprinted in this charming book.
October 9, 2025 at 11:00 AM
Fans of my old radio show ONE will be delighted to learn that some sketches by me and @danielmaier.bsky.social from that brilliant comedy series are reprinted in this charming book.
Sorry, the BBC, Munoz has *what* himself into Crystal Palace’s history books?
October 2, 2025 at 5:49 PM
Sorry, the BBC, Munoz has *what* himself into Crystal Palace’s history books?
Don’t belatedly catch up on White Lotus AND Alien: Earth with subtitles unless you *really* like things ‘chittering’.
September 17, 2025 at 7:51 PM
Don’t belatedly catch up on White Lotus AND Alien: Earth with subtitles unless you *really* like things ‘chittering’.
Bit tasteless trailing the next part in the corner like this. Still, I’m guessing: drowning.
September 16, 2025 at 9:13 PM
Bit tasteless trailing the next part in the corner like this. Still, I’m guessing: drowning.
I’ll tell you what happens far more for dramatic purposes in films than it ever does in real life: cars backfiring.
September 7, 2025 at 3:54 PM
I’ll tell you what happens far more for dramatic purposes in films than it ever does in real life: cars backfiring.
I'm both disappointed and relieved that Lester, as it turns out, doesn't want to come in in a hurry with the beer.
It’s ‘Left of west and coming in a hurry with the Furies breathing down your neck
September 3, 2025 at 10:58 AM
I'm both disappointed and relieved that Lester, as it turns out, doesn't want to come in in a hurry with the beer.
With a heavy heart, we've taken the decision to close our boutique clothing business after 13 wonderful years of you never having heard of us. As a thank you to our pretend loyal customers, there's 30% off all our fake stock. We leave you with an AI photo of our storefront. Thank you. #heavyheart
August 27, 2025 at 12:50 PM
With a heavy heart, we've taken the decision to close our boutique clothing business after 13 wonderful years of you never having heard of us. As a thank you to our pretend loyal customers, there's 30% off all our fake stock. We leave you with an AI photo of our storefront. Thank you. #heavyheart
Reposted by Dan Maier
Faces of the funny. Comedy writer @danielmaier.bsky.social (Harry Hill, Charlie Brooker etc) shares the sketches and stories waiting to be snapped up by producers and publishers... and this is what the performers look like. Check out how they sound: offcutsdrawer.com/dan-maier
August 5, 2025 at 9:55 PM
Faces of the funny. Comedy writer @danielmaier.bsky.social (Harry Hill, Charlie Brooker etc) shares the sketches and stories waiting to be snapped up by producers and publishers... and this is what the performers look like. Check out how they sound: offcutsdrawer.com/dan-maier
Sensational metaphor-crunching from football finance Kieran Maguire on the BBC sport pages:
"Maguire added: "I think people are joining the dots and perhaps making two plus two equals five in terms of, is this a 'you scratching my back? I'll scratch yours' type of situation."
"Maguire added: "I think people are joining the dots and perhaps making two plus two equals five in terms of, is this a 'you scratching my back? I'll scratch yours' type of situation."
August 4, 2025 at 4:19 PM
Sensational metaphor-crunching from football finance Kieran Maguire on the BBC sport pages:
"Maguire added: "I think people are joining the dots and perhaps making two plus two equals five in terms of, is this a 'you scratching my back? I'll scratch yours' type of situation."
"Maguire added: "I think people are joining the dots and perhaps making two plus two equals five in terms of, is this a 'you scratching my back? I'll scratch yours' type of situation."
I enjoyed sharing my brainspew on Laura's podcast - as reffed herein. Check it out!
Well you've got to, haven't you, I mean it's the mighty @podnews.net... But then it is a great episode and @danielmaier.bsky.social 's offcuts are particularly good. Check it out offcutsdrawer.com/dan-maier
July 31, 2025 at 10:26 AM
I enjoyed sharing my brainspew on Laura's podcast - as reffed herein. Check it out!
This was fun!
Top comedy writer @danielmaier.bsky.social was persuaded to share his unproduced scripts with us on the pod and it's a doozy of an ep. Top class comedy. Producers & agents ahoy - all these clips deserve to be developed/published! offcutsdrawer.com/dan-maier Have a listen and share if you agree
DAN MAIER - Comedy Writer Shares His Unproduced Scripts
Experienced & prolific comedy writer Dan Maier (TV Burp, Charlie Brooker etc) shares rejected & unfinished TV scripts and prose, and discusses the reasons why.
offcutsdrawer.com
July 28, 2025 at 12:05 PM
This was fun!
#nufcrounduppalindromes Ho! Ekitike on radar? No Ekitike. Oh.
July 23, 2025 at 7:59 PM
#nufcrounduppalindromes Ho! Ekitike on radar? No Ekitike. Oh.
I’m sure I’m the millionth to say it, but I’ve just realised that watching this is the equivalent of it being around the time of Live Aid day and watching footage of the VE Day celebrations. #liveaid
July 12, 2025 at 10:50 PM
I’m sure I’m the millionth to say it, but I’ve just realised that watching this is the equivalent of it being around the time of Live Aid day and watching footage of the VE Day celebrations. #liveaid
I feel embarrassed for The Who watching them completely balls up Won’t Get Fooled Again even though it was 40 years ago and they’re probably over it. #liveaid
July 12, 2025 at 9:45 PM
I feel embarrassed for The Who watching them completely balls up Won’t Get Fooled Again even though it was 40 years ago and they’re probably over it. #liveaid
Connections categories that rely on homophones often seem to assume the speaker is Sino-Scandinavian with a mouthful of crisps and a brain injury.
July 11, 2025 at 9:12 AM
Connections categories that rely on homophones often seem to assume the speaker is Sino-Scandinavian with a mouthful of crisps and a brain injury.
“Why have you brought me Size 40s?!”
“You said you wanted to try on the XL..?”
“You said you wanted to try on the XL..?”
July 3, 2025 at 9:16 PM
“Why have you brought me Size 40s?!”
“You said you wanted to try on the XL..?”
“You said you wanted to try on the XL..?”
I’ll be honest, what with English Teacher, Sports Team, Drycleaning and all, I wasn’t sure if this first one was a band name or not.
June 28, 2025 at 1:40 PM
I’ll be honest, what with English Teacher, Sports Team, Drycleaning and all, I wasn’t sure if this first one was a band name or not.
You’d think he’d’ve got booked after the second or third go, really.
June 25, 2025 at 6:48 PM
You’d think he’d’ve got booked after the second or third go, really.
TV Burp fanz! A couple of my and the chief's meaningful inshites into the writing process, generously relayed by @richardosman1.bsky.social in the excellent Rest Is Entertainment pod this week.
youtu.be/8oDUDgDaClI?...
youtu.be/8oDUDgDaClI?...
Which Celebrities NEED Media Training?
YouTube video by The Rest Is Entertainment
youtu.be
June 13, 2025 at 3:30 PM
TV Burp fanz! A couple of my and the chief's meaningful inshites into the writing process, generously relayed by @richardosman1.bsky.social in the excellent Rest Is Entertainment pod this week.
youtu.be/8oDUDgDaClI?...
youtu.be/8oDUDgDaClI?...