Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Dan Maier @danielmaier.bsky.social · 2d

Semenyo, weeks 1-7: average 9.42 ppg.

Week 8 - I transfer in Semenyo.

Semenyo, week 8-11: average 2.25 ppg.

I can only apologise to Semeyo owners. #fpl #fantasypremierleague

1 7

Dan Maier @danielmaier.bsky.social · 9d

1. Sky commentator: So, pundit, who's your player of the match?
2. Camera cuts to pundit's choice for player of the match.
3. Pundit reveals identity of player of the match.

You'd think after all these years they'd've learned to do 2 and 3 the other way round.

5

Reposted by Dan Maier

David Quantick @quantick.bsky.social · Oct 9

Fans of my old radio show ONE will be delighted to learn that some sketches by me and @danielmaier.bsky.social from that brilliant comedy series are reprinted in this charming book.

3 7 28

Dan Maier @danielmaier.bsky.social · Oct 2

Sorry, the BBC, Munoz has *what* himself into Crystal Palace’s history books?

6 3 27

Dan Maier @danielmaier.bsky.social · Sep 17

Don’t belatedly catch up on White Lotus AND Alien: Earth with subtitles unless you *really* like things ‘chittering’.

4

Dan Maier @danielmaier.bsky.social · Sep 16

Bit tasteless trailing the next part in the corner like this. Still, I’m guessing: drowning.

4

Dan Maier @danielmaier.bsky.social · Sep 7

Particularly at village fêtes.

1

Dan Maier @danielmaier.bsky.social · Sep 7

I’ll tell you what happens far more for dramatic purposes in films than it ever does in real life: cars backfiring.

4 1 9

Dan Maier @danielmaier.bsky.social · Sep 3

Fab. That I would love to see.

1 2

Dan Maier @danielmaier.bsky.social · Sep 3

I'm both disappointed and relieved that Lester, as it turns out, doesn't want to come in in a hurry with the beer.

Michael Stipe @michaelstipe.bsky.social · Sep 1

It’s ‘Left of west and coming in a hurry with the Furies breathing down your neck

2 1 4

Dan Maier @danielmaier.bsky.social · Aug 27

With a heavy heart, we've taken the decision to close our boutique clothing business after 13 wonderful years of you never having heard of us. As a thank you to our pretend loyal customers, there's 30% off all our fake stock. We leave you with an AI photo of our storefront. Thank you. #heavyheart

11 12 80

Reposted by Dan Maier

Laura Shavin @laurashav.bsky.social · Aug 5

Faces of the funny. Comedy writer @danielmaier.bsky.social (Harry Hill, Charlie Brooker etc) shares the sketches and stories waiting to be snapped up by producers and publishers... and this is what the performers look like. Check out how they sound: offcutsdrawer.com/dan-maier

1

Dan Maier @danielmaier.bsky.social · Aug 4

Sensational metaphor-crunching from football finance Kieran Maguire on the BBC sport pages:

"Maguire added: "I think people are joining the dots and perhaps making two plus two equals five in terms of, is this a 'you scratching my back? I'll scratch yours' type of situation."

2 1 11

Dan Maier @danielmaier.bsky.social · Jul 31

I enjoyed sharing my brainspew on Laura's podcast - as reffed herein. Check it out!

Laura Shavin @laurashav.bsky.social · Jul 30

Well you've got to, haven't you, I mean it's the mighty @podnews.net... But then it is a great episode and @danielmaier.bsky.social 's offcuts are particularly good. Check it out offcutsdrawer.com/dan-maier

1

Dan Maier @danielmaier.bsky.social · Jul 28

This was fun!

Laura Shavin @laurashav.bsky.social · Jul 27

Top comedy writer @danielmaier.bsky.social was persuaded to share his unproduced scripts with us on the pod and it's a doozy of an ep. Top class comedy. Producers & agents ahoy - all these clips deserve to be developed/published! offcutsdrawer.com/dan-maier Have a listen and share if you agree

DAN MAIER - Comedy Writer Shares His Unproduced Scripts

Experienced & prolific comedy writer Dan Maier (TV Burp, Charlie Brooker etc) shares rejected & unfinished TV scripts and prose, and discusses the reasons why.

offcutsdrawer.com

3 12

Dan Maier @danielmaier.bsky.social · Jul 23

Not a ton.

2

Dan Maier @danielmaier.bsky.social · Jul 23

#nufcrounduppalindromes Ho! Ekitike on radar? No Ekitike. Oh.

2 13