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Stevie Bennett @steviebennett.bsky.social · 11h

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CREW @citizensforethics.org · 2h

America has no kings. That’s kind of the whole point.

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 7h

Felt my partner wasn't giving me enough attention, so feigned an illness, moaning all the time coughing, pretending to shiver. Worked a treat got two days of laying around unlimited cups of tea and food on demand. Not even sorry

12 3 100

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 6h

If a song comes on the radio and I know the lyrics, I sing along but in the style of The Monster Mash, you know with that sort of sarcastic tone. It genuinely infuriates my wife to the point I think she will leave me but I can't stop.

10 4 92

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 5h

Accidentally hit the car next to me with my trolley when unloading in a supermarket car park. The woman who owned the car wasn't happy. Began yelling at me about the tiny, barely visible scratch, threatened to send her brothers after me if I didn't pay, etc. Anyway, married her.

26 5 220

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 4h

When I was a teenager, I had a part-time weekend job as a lifeguard at the local swimming pool. Thank fuck nobody drowned, because I can't swim.

17 4 150

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 1d

Husbands just told me he's been brushing his teeth in the shower for past few months as new routine. When a toothbrush appeared on the shower shelf a few months ago I thought it was to encourage us to clean the grout on a more regular basis.

19 14 370

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 22h

Supermarket cashier here. I prepare orders for Just Eats, Deliveroo etc to collect from the store. Yes we do judge you by your order. The saddest ever order was 20 cigarettes, a bottle of vodka and a pregnancy test.

18 13 380

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 10h

I'm 54 and have just succumbed to my inner teenager by measuring my erect penis using the spaghetti measurer. I'm almost four servings.

32 5 170

craigk328.bsky.social @craigk328.bsky.social · 1d

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 1d

On the train with my boyfriend to his place, decided to titillate him by deep throating a banana I had left over from lunch. Guess it was a bit bruised and overripe, broke off in my throat. Bloody well near died before some bloke performed the Heimlich maneuver on me.

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Mia Farrow @miafarrow.bsky.social · 1d

i will be attending a NO kings rally because i love my country

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craigk328.bsky.social @craigk328.bsky.social · 1d

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 1d

I dated a married man for awhile. When his wife found out and encouraged me instead of getting upset or jealous, it made me not like him as much anymore

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 1d

I realised I've been going to Greggs too regularly when I got invited to the leaving do for one of the workers.

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 1d

Dad used to moan about how I hadn't grown out of Doctor Who. I now get paid to write about it, so when I visit him I wear Dalek socks.

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 1d

‪I airbnb my spare rooms. Someone signed into my home speakers in my kitchen. It was rather annoying. I was able to ask Alexa about recent orders, which I could repeat order. ‬I felt slightly better by reordering 15 dog gates, 5 sacks of litter and 23 tubes of lube.

7 1 110

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randy39.bsky.social @randy39.bsky.social · 1d

12 110 360

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Jon Cooper @joncooper-us.bsky.social · 1d

Yes, color me shocked.

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craigk328.bsky.social @craigk328.bsky.social · 1d

Shud get one 4 his ear regrowth...

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 2d

My son does a nature wee in the garden when wife isn't looking. I then have to hide as he comes to wipe his hands on me whilst saying 'germs'. It's disgusting but I love how funny we both find it. I never want this to stop.

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 1d

My girlfriend has her dad's ashes in an urn on the mantelpiece. Lately I've started picking it up and doing a, quite frankly, incredible impression of Paul Bearer from WWF in the mirror. If she caught me, I'd be dumped, but it's SUCH a good impression.

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craigk328.bsky.social @craigk328.bsky.social · 2d