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Bodega Monsters, Inc.

@bodegainc.bsky.social

460 followers 840 following 4.5K posts

Puns. Puns. Puns. My jokes are always in apundance. Just moi: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:n6lx6myy5bjabvyshx4yc6gt/feed/aaaes4hrdd4m2

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Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · Oct 24

“I like big butts and I’m under oath” didn’t make the final cut for some reason.

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Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 3h

NO FUC**** ****S!

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 3h

It’s fine. He also moonlights as Ghost Rider.

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 3h

I just felt a ghost bug crawl on me. My spider-séances are tingling.

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 3h

Don’t be vulgar and announce that you’ve shat yourself. Instead, simply advise you’re redecorating your downstairs with immediate effect.

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 3h

This Anne Frank museum is extremely problemattic.

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 3h

12 year old eggs are usually just called chickens.

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 4h

These scotch eggs never seem to get me drunk.

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Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 4h

Ooos. Our bad. We actually meant to write “fee”. Boy, is there egg on my face.

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 4h

I went to the extremely oversized word selling shop earlier today, to stock up. Sadly, they were out of proportion.

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 4h

If your man tells you he needs some magic mushrooms to enhance his size, stay far away.

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 6h

In solidarity with American protesters, I will only watch the two parts of Lord of the Rings today.

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 6h

What a country!

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Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 6h

Slut shaming? Terrible. Awful. Do better.

Slut shaman? Oh HELL YEAH. Talk about sexual healing.

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 7h

Time to get my Halloween menu prepared!

Muenster mashed potatoes
Graveyard smash burgers
Franks’n’Steins
Dracola
Zombee’s honey
Cherry skeletoms

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 7h

It’s an image of security footage where someone is murdered on a train with an unprovoked stabbing. He’s posting it because the perpetrator is black.

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 8h

*I get let through the pearly gates for skeeting so funny*

Saint Peter: It’s time for you to meet your mater.

Me: I can’t believe I’m meeting my, wait wa-

Mater: WITHOUT THE TUH WITHOUT THE TUH

Me: Send me to hell

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 8h

If they simply changed their names to Culegal cigars, that would solve a lot of problems.

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 8h

Grandpa in hospital, talking to his crying family members: And funnily enough, Death comes for us all.

The Grim Reaper, wanking off in the corner: It’s true! That’s so me.

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 11h

I think the song “Daddy Cool” was popaganda.

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 14h

The human body is amazing. Did you know that every 7 years, your depression is replaced with a newer version of itself?

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 17h

Technically, floppy discs also have little discs inside them too. Hence the name.

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 17h

Phew, us smart people are safe. What a relief. Thank goodness there’s no other way that title can be read.

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 1d

Me: Look both ways before crossing the street.

My son: Okay! *looks up and down; walks into traffic and dies*

Me: Damn. I knew I should’ve been more specific.

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Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 1d

You’ve obviously not heard Girls Aloud and The Saturdays’ megamixes.

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 1d

It’s rude to assume if some insects are gay or straight. They might be bi ants.