BlueLight439
@bluelight439.bsky.social
fug my life... https://bluelight439.carrd.co/
pics; Beatrice from otgw, i say i say i say by Erasure.
he/they, adult, bilingual non-native English speaker, artist. Vent and random thoughts here, oops.
pics; Beatrice from otgw, i say i say i say by Erasure.
he/they, adult, bilingual non-native English speaker, artist. Vent and random thoughts here, oops.
People preferring someone who hurt them badly over me is ugly honestly. Am I really that uninteresting, boring, lame & unworthy? I understand why they would, those people were friends with & had more with the ones who hurt them, but I still think it's gross to prefer the person who mistreated you
December 17, 2025 at 4:52 AM
People preferring someone who hurt them badly over me is ugly honestly. Am I really that uninteresting, boring, lame & unworthy? I understand why they would, those people were friends with & had more with the ones who hurt them, but I still think it's gross to prefer the person who mistreated you
pre-2025 me: I'd never have a Hazbin Hotel icon, I don't want to risk getting negative attention.
present me: Your senseless hatred only fuels my erection.
When I put on a HH pfp on D*rd (Molly, in November), it actually went well, multiple random people made positive remarks & I got no negativity.
present me: Your senseless hatred only fuels my erection.
When I put on a HH pfp on D*rd (Molly, in November), it actually went well, multiple random people made positive remarks & I got no negativity.
December 16, 2025 at 9:16 AM
pre-2025 me: I'd never have a Hazbin Hotel icon, I don't want to risk getting negative attention.
present me: Your senseless hatred only fuels my erection.
When I put on a HH pfp on D*rd (Molly, in November), it actually went well, multiple random people made positive remarks & I got no negativity.
present me: Your senseless hatred only fuels my erection.
When I put on a HH pfp on D*rd (Molly, in November), it actually went well, multiple random people made positive remarks & I got no negativity.
You know what? I don't even want to be friends with him anymore, I know he is clearly a victim but him liking, trying to appeal to & being friends with someone like that despite everything bothers me. It became my problem too. I don't want anything to do with him anymore if he is gonna be like this.
I already have such a small amount of friends & I lost someone now because of his toxic & narcissistic friend forcing him to stop being around me. I mostly feel sorry for him for being stuck with such a shitty & manipulative friend who treats him poorly. I hope he will find peace & better friends.
December 16, 2025 at 1:21 AM
You know what? I don't even want to be friends with him anymore, I know he is clearly a victim but him liking, trying to appeal to & being friends with someone like that despite everything bothers me. It became my problem too. I don't want anything to do with him anymore if he is gonna be like this.
It's my fav time of the year (December-January) yet I feel lonely, hurt & unfulfilled.
December 15, 2025 at 1:27 PM
It's my fav time of the year (December-January) yet I feel lonely, hurt & unfulfilled.
Thoughts like "I'd like to show this to [friend] but we're not friends anymore." "I'd talk about this with [friend] but they're gone from my life." are hurtful & saddening. I wish I didn't lose so much & wasn't such an outcast. I miss it all.
December 15, 2025 at 12:54 PM
Thoughts like "I'd like to show this to [friend] but we're not friends anymore." "I'd talk about this with [friend] but they're gone from my life." are hurtful & saddening. I wish I didn't lose so much & wasn't such an outcast. I miss it all.
I already have such a small amount of friends & I lost someone now because of his toxic & narcissistic friend forcing him to stop being around me. I mostly feel sorry for him for being stuck with such a shitty & manipulative friend who treats him poorly. I hope he will find peace & better friends.
December 15, 2025 at 10:54 AM
I already have such a small amount of friends & I lost someone now because of his toxic & narcissistic friend forcing him to stop being around me. I mostly feel sorry for him for being stuck with such a shitty & manipulative friend who treats him poorly. I hope he will find peace & better friends.
Not being able to have friends because of not being appealing enough is much worse than not being able to have friends because of immorality and wrong doings.
December 10, 2025 at 11:46 PM
Not being able to have friends because of not being appealing enough is much worse than not being able to have friends because of immorality and wrong doings.
Something disturbing is that I'm kinda sad about my own death. I know people can change, but I feel like some of my changes aren't just simple changes or personal growth. Dissociation. I don't expect from it to be noticeable to others, but even if I'm essentially the same person, my mind is really
December 7, 2025 at 9:22 PM
Something disturbing is that I'm kinda sad about my own death. I know people can change, but I feel like some of my changes aren't just simple changes or personal growth. Dissociation. I don't expect from it to be noticeable to others, but even if I'm essentially the same person, my mind is really
Not something big but still a cool thing from this year is that I got to interact with one of my fav singers multiple times. He was chill and fun, no negativity. He even showed me some personal info of someone who did terrible shit to him, that sure is something.
December 4, 2025 at 3:42 AM
Not something big but still a cool thing from this year is that I got to interact with one of my fav singers multiple times. He was chill and fun, no negativity. He even showed me some personal info of someone who did terrible shit to him, that sure is something.
Random facts about me.
-I watched surgeries in person as a kid.
-I was a member of something which I'm not sure if is a cult.
-Mel is my gf, friends since 2015 & a couple since 2021.
-I experienced the pressures of fame & the horrors of infamy as a kid.
-I like yoghurt & garlic on pasta.
1 is false.
-I watched surgeries in person as a kid.
-I was a member of something which I'm not sure if is a cult.
-Mel is my gf, friends since 2015 & a couple since 2021.
-I experienced the pressures of fame & the horrors of infamy as a kid.
-I like yoghurt & garlic on pasta.
1 is false.
November 21, 2025 at 10:17 PM
Random facts about me.
-I watched surgeries in person as a kid.
-I was a member of something which I'm not sure if is a cult.
-Mel is my gf, friends since 2015 & a couple since 2021.
-I experienced the pressures of fame & the horrors of infamy as a kid.
-I like yoghurt & garlic on pasta.
1 is false.
-I watched surgeries in person as a kid.
-I was a member of something which I'm not sure if is a cult.
-Mel is my gf, friends since 2015 & a couple since 2021.
-I experienced the pressures of fame & the horrors of infamy as a kid.
-I like yoghurt & garlic on pasta.
1 is false.
She reached out & apologised! I really feel better about this now, a weight gone. We didn't become friends again, we both know we are incompatible. I still wish more people from the past would reach out to me...I appreciate that she cared enough to do that despite how she acted towards me earlier.
My mom said maybe she will return to me if she gets bored of or starts having problems with her gf. It would make me feel better if she apologised to me instead of believing that stupid false narrative of me she has in her head (me being an overdemanding meanie who doesn't understand her, complains
November 20, 2025 at 12:01 AM
She reached out & apologised! I really feel better about this now, a weight gone. We didn't become friends again, we both know we are incompatible. I still wish more people from the past would reach out to me...I appreciate that she cared enough to do that despite how she acted towards me earlier.
On November 22, my sister is leaving Turkey, plans on never living in Turkey again. Even if I don't have a close relationship with her & don't talk that much to her, it still feels kinda wrong. Another person getting out of my life. Was good visiting her home (mine stinks), her helping us sometimes.
November 16, 2025 at 5:26 PM
On November 22, my sister is leaving Turkey, plans on never living in Turkey again. Even if I don't have a close relationship with her & don't talk that much to her, it still feels kinda wrong. Another person getting out of my life. Was good visiting her home (mine stinks), her helping us sometimes.
If he didn't look at me & our friendship from wrong angles, we could still be great friends. I know that even if he left without a word. This isn't me letting myself get ruined mentally by 1 person. 1. It's valid to be highly devastated by losing someone very important & dear. 2. It's NOT JUST him.
feelings & problems are excuses to treat others horribly,he is wrong. I wish he properly was considerate of my side of things & able to recognise my value. This made me generally more depressed & hurt,feel more hopeless about myself & my life, more distrustful & detached. Learned only harsh lessons.
November 12, 2025 at 4:40 PM
If he didn't look at me & our friendship from wrong angles, we could still be great friends. I know that even if he left without a word. This isn't me letting myself get ruined mentally by 1 person. 1. It's valid to be highly devastated by losing someone very important & dear. 2. It's NOT JUST him.
I'm so thankful to have Luca. He is so cool, nice and a good friend. He cares enough to talk to me about his life and whatever else we have in mind, like anything. And of course we're supportive to eachother. Making everyday at least a bit better together.
November 7, 2025 at 9:47 PM
I'm so thankful to have Luca. He is so cool, nice and a good friend. He cares enough to talk to me about his life and whatever else we have in mind, like anything. And of course we're supportive to eachother. Making everyday at least a bit better together.
Interesting thing from 2025. In August, I was going to the city my grandma lives in, in my older uncle's car. The sky was filled with clouds, it started raining a lot. But some minutes later, the sky became clear, sunny & less clouds, no rain. Such a drastic weather change was surreal & cool.
November 2, 2025 at 4:15 PM
Interesting thing from 2025. In August, I was going to the city my grandma lives in, in my older uncle's car. The sky was filled with clouds, it started raining a lot. But some minutes later, the sky became clear, sunny & less clouds, no rain. Such a drastic weather change was surreal & cool.
During family visits/gatherings I don't hang out with them or talk to them much, I pay attention to environments I'm in & my belongings, like electronics & toys. That's how it is to have 0 relatives I have close and/or friendly relationships with. Even if I don't have any family related longings, it
November 2, 2025 at 11:44 AM
During family visits/gatherings I don't hang out with them or talk to them much, I pay attention to environments I'm in & my belongings, like electronics & toys. That's how it is to have 0 relatives I have close and/or friendly relationships with. Even if I don't have any family related longings, it
One of the worst things that happened to me is getting abandoned without a word by the closest friend I had in my whole life. It still pains me everyday. It is immensely hurtful AND confusing, but I know for sure what happened was cruel AND unnecessary. This is very wrong & shouldn't have happened.
October 30, 2025 at 10:37 AM
One of the worst things that happened to me is getting abandoned without a word by the closest friend I had in my whole life. It still pains me everyday. It is immensely hurtful AND confusing, but I know for sure what happened was cruel AND unnecessary. This is very wrong & shouldn't have happened.
In my dream Hazbin Hotel season 2 came out and for some reason the entire season was a crossover with Fionna and Cake season 2 and I was like "???".
October 24, 2025 at 5:58 AM
In my dream Hazbin Hotel season 2 came out and for some reason the entire season was a crossover with Fionna and Cake season 2 and I was like "???".
idiots: We should be understanding, compassionate & considerate towards people, be nice & treat them well. We should also acknowledge our mistakes, learn & change.
also idiots: *has treated me terribly in the past, doesn't care, doesn't properly acknowledge, hasn't apologised*
also idiots: *has treated me terribly in the past, doesn't care, doesn't properly acknowledge, hasn't apologised*
October 23, 2025 at 6:17 AM
idiots: We should be understanding, compassionate & considerate towards people, be nice & treat them well. We should also acknowledge our mistakes, learn & change.
also idiots: *has treated me terribly in the past, doesn't care, doesn't properly acknowledge, hasn't apologised*
also idiots: *has treated me terribly in the past, doesn't care, doesn't properly acknowledge, hasn't apologised*
I miss when I lived with my cats only and not 10+ cats so much... It's so awful spending time outside of home, including other people's homes, being healthy and comfortable the entire time, but then becoming sick and having a runny nose again after coming home. I'm stuck like this & hate it so much.
I really fucking hate my life. I wish even not living in a toxic atmosphere wasn't too much to ask for. I constantly get sick because living with 10+ cats is too much for my body, but I'm forced to live with them because of my mom, us being unable to rehome ones I don't want and financial problems.
October 23, 2025 at 1:47 AM
I miss when I lived with my cats only and not 10+ cats so much... It's so awful spending time outside of home, including other people's homes, being healthy and comfortable the entire time, but then becoming sick and having a runny nose again after coming home. I'm stuck like this & hate it so much.
People who are too sensitive to reasonable criticism/confrontation deserve crotch kicks.
I don't think it's ok to be harsh to people just because they messed up, but if you feel so attacked even if they're not being harsh to you, it means you're too self-centered.
I don't think it's ok to be harsh to people just because they messed up, but if you feel so attacked even if they're not being harsh to you, it means you're too self-centered.
October 21, 2025 at 6:50 AM
People who are too sensitive to reasonable criticism/confrontation deserve crotch kicks.
I don't think it's ok to be harsh to people just because they messed up, but if you feel so attacked even if they're not being harsh to you, it means you're too self-centered.
I don't think it's ok to be harsh to people just because they messed up, but if you feel so attacked even if they're not being harsh to you, it means you're too self-centered.
I wasn't there when it happened. Recently my mom was outside, she was tearing a liver to pieces to feed stray cats but bile (a gross green goo) splashed all over her, some even got in her mouth. My mom is a victim of meat beating. 1 comment = 1 pray
October 19, 2025 at 6:19 AM
I wasn't there when it happened. Recently my mom was outside, she was tearing a liver to pieces to feed stray cats but bile (a gross green goo) splashed all over her, some even got in her mouth. My mom is a victim of meat beating. 1 comment = 1 pray
Figured it out. I can't be friends with him. Those days we talked after he apologised gave me all the info I needed. He is someone I can't really enjoy the company of. I can't see myself liking him unless he changes significantly. It would be for the wrong reasons if I became friends with him again.
He was willing to talk to me/spend time with me for hours like everyday. Which is something that makes close friendships feel fulfilling for me & I desperately need. Whatever, I won't stress much over whether or not I'll be friends with him again & I'll leave the answers to time. I need space atm.
October 15, 2025 at 10:12 AM
Figured it out. I can't be friends with him. Those days we talked after he apologised gave me all the info I needed. He is someone I can't really enjoy the company of. I can't see myself liking him unless he changes significantly. It would be for the wrong reasons if I became friends with him again.
Understanding her but not justifying. She was really happy to be friends again with me before. Maybe she wanted more that I wasn't able to give her. But I believe it is unreasonable to want more, I already was a good friend who was ok with talking about almost anything and doing lots of things.
I'm not blaming myself for this, I really did all I could for the friendship, circumstances changed eventually& I could no longer be truly happy in the friendship. I'm not blaming myself for not meeting overly specific requirements. I shouldn't be blamed for valuing someone,my feelings&being myself.
October 13, 2025 at 5:51 PM
Understanding her but not justifying. She was really happy to be friends again with me before. Maybe she wanted more that I wasn't able to give her. But I believe it is unreasonable to want more, I already was a good friend who was ok with talking about almost anything and doing lots of things.