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atleast1000snakes

@atleast1000snakes.bsky.social

330 followers 350 following 1.1K posts

entering my “do i look like i know what a jpeg is” era

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atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · Jul 6

an egyptian trying to ask his wife about going on a walk in front of their excitable dog but having to spell it out because he knows that word: honey, would you like to go on a kneeling man-heron with wings raised-scarab-standing man-barley?

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atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 1h

aliens are cooler

atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 13h

everyone has subconscious biases except for me b/c i’m an empath and i would know if i was having a bias

atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 13h

food, or as some might call it: “pre-poop”

atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 17h

so basically: skyrim good. there’s no easy way to tell you that elder scrolls vi will probably be bad. sorry to rip that bandaid off like this as a surprise here at the end, but capital is a cancer that eats everything good.

atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 17h

honestly minecraft is kind of the closest thing i can compare it to, both are ancient in videogame years, and both have fanbases and communities that have lasted longer than some nations. even games like WoW that have been around that long are nothing like their 2011 selves.

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atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 18h

regardless, i think skyrim is special. even the vanilla version, plagued by bugs and glitches and silly physics tho it may be, is still enjoyable and engaging to this day. and when you broaden your scope to include modders and the wider community around the game, you find just how special it is.

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atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 18h

maybe in some twisted ironic way it was skyrim’s success that spread it through mainstream audiences and caught the eye of vulture capitalists, like a shitty tech-bro eldritch monstrosity.

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atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 18h

skyrim, in my opinion, couldn’t have existed if it came out any later. it would have been gutted and sold back you piecemeal through dlc packs. i really think it was right before the tipping point, that point being the insatiable maw of venture capital opening wide to devour the medium as a whole

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atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 18h

you can see in their subsequent titles and also in their treatment of skyrim (creator club, etc) that bethesda fucking hates that they can’t sell battle passes and loot boxes for skyrim. they hate that they can’t force you to subscribe to skyrim. they hate that they have to sell you a whole game.

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atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 18h

in my mind, i think of it as one of the Last Good Games: the final crash of that magnificent wave of creativity that peaked during the ps2’s life, the last hoorah of artists before the Owning Class dug their hooks into the medium of videosgames and sucked out all its blood

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atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 18h

and in 2011 no less!!! they really captured lightning in a bottle with this one.

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atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 18h

i don’t want to *ign voice* “it has a little something for everyone” the game, but you could crawl a dungeon, go on a trek through the mountains and fight a dragon, or get married start a farm and play dress up all day. and none of it really clashes, i’d say it all works together very well

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atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 18h

i think skyrim is like my platonic ideal of a videosgame. yeah yeah yeah, bugs, todd howard, etc, and i’m not trying to die anywhere near the hill claiming it’s the best game ever by any means, but *marge voice* i just think it’s neat

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atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 1d

was there a pack of hygienics

atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 1d

D.A.R.E. bud, the golden retriever narc

atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 1d

never stops me

atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 1d

ouija board: o-u-c-h-o-w-o-w-c-h-i-e-h-e-l-p-i-a-m-i-n-h-e-l-l

atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 1d

this is where i post from

red text on black that reads “behind you”

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atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 1d

air bud (2027)

air bud: reloaded

air bud: blood ties

air bud 4ever

air bud: requiem

air bud: origins (part 1)

air bud and scooby adventures

air bud: origins (part 2)

air bud: budforce

air bud: endgame

air bud: bud eternal

air bud: air bud versus the justice league

air bud (2035)

atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 1d

nice gender, bozo, did your mommy pick it out for you?

atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 1d

idea to fix film festivals: everyone gets the same premise and has to make a movie about it and whoever makes the best one wins a prize.

for example: gritty air bud reboot, home alone but the kid is a jimmy neutron-type, a rom-com between two janitors set in the john wick universe, etc

atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 1d

the three musketee’s

atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 1d

as a citizen scientist, i must test this hypothesis

atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 1d

hmmm why don’t i feel good? let’s analyze the situation: have i eaten today? no. have i taken my meds? no. have i looked at anything other than a screen? no.

this mystery may take awhile to crack. gah, what could it be?!

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atleast1000snakes @atleast1000snakes.bsky.social · 1d

jackie chan

Katelyn Boo-urns @katelynburns.com · 1d

name an italian more worthy of an american holiday than columbus