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The ol' ALFer

@theolalfer.bsky.social

800 followers 490 following 5K posts

Stuck on Earth with the humans. That's OK. I like humans. I like their cats better. Not the real ALF, just parody, all respect to Paul Fusco and Alien Productions. Mastodon: @[email protected] Author's personal account: @john-pilgrim.bsky.social

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The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 2m

Humph. It's not my fault what was good table manners on Melmac is "go eat in the shed" here.

The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 48m

As the old saying goes, you don't have to outrun the broom, just the coon.

The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 1h

Don't be foolish. There were no such places on Melmac.

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The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 3h

Humph. Do the crimin', do the timin', that's what grandpappy said. Course, he did a lot of timin' for 'shinin.

The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 16h

...that we know of.

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The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 16h

Willie! I think I've done it! After six straight hours of eating and three Instacart deliveries, and a very angry Kate, I have achieved... fullness. My dad would be so proud! He... *burp* - oh, false alarm.

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The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 18h

I'm not sorry about the -well, gaseous release. It was a glorious one. I'm sorry it caused the parachute to float up and away and it still hasn't been found.

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The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 20h

Thanks, Coach. And - uh - I'm real sorry about that incident with the parachute today.

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The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 1d

This comes to mind... youtube.com/shorts/-MvUB...

Pepto Bismol Gingerbread ad

YouTube video by AdCentral

youtube.com

The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 1d

BWAHAHAHA... I wonder what I would put on a mixtape for Scougs... 😈

The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 1d

Well, the laundry basket is extra comfy tonight, and you know what pic I mean, so I think my point is made.

The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 1d

Are you seriously asking that question?

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The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 1d

You're gonna make me post that one pic again, aren't you?

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The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 1d

My daily mantra.

Runa @utterrunacy.bsky.social · 1d

Sometimes all you can do is chuckle. 🤷🏽‍♀️

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The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 1d

Yeah. That's what I look like under the fur. And layer(s) of stored energy.

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The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 1d

Good. They're pretty soft against raids.

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The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 1d

Well, who stole them, and where did they take them to? I propose a raid.

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The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 1d

I am strangely aroused.

The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 1d

I'm confused. @cousinnudaq.bsky.social did this when they caught him, and he got an extra 30 days for it.

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The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 2d

Oh, there's never a mystery with cats.

Cats know where Jimmy Hoffa is.

Cats probably buried Jimmy Hoffa.

The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 2d

I think you get Big Willie energy. Sorta ironic, isn't it? Who said God didn't have a sense of humor?

Riker Googling @rikergoogling.bsky.social · 2d

what happens if you reverse the polarity of big dick energy

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The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 2d

Hey, Willie - when you're in the fifth dimension, do you square the negative inverse root of pi to ensure your warp bubble stabilization matrix remains in alignment with M'Hyz'rt's Law, or do you just sorta wing it like I do, then lie to the insurance company if something breaks?

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The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 2d

I DON'T CARE, WILLIE, STOP THE CAR I'M HUNGRY

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The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 2d

How did the moderators let this through...?

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The ol' ALFer @theolalfer.bsky.social · 2d

I know, right? @replicatorunit.bsky.social's kinda dumb. I keep telling him it's A-L-F, not A-S-S.