Author | Lightnews

Ron Sequitur ꙮ

@ronsequitur.bsky.social

490 followers 960 following 1.6K posts

A fax machine is just a surprise printer. Reskeets mean I love you. LINKS ------ Decent Skeetcents: https://tinyurl.com/DecentSkeetcents Ron's Favstar: https://tinyurl.com/RonsFavstar

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Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · Jul 22

Take me down to the pair of mice city,
Where they have two mice; it's a two mouse city

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Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 3h

[finding the stash of hidden halloween candy] Obi Wan was right to hide you from me

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 1d

"He's the absolute master at trolling."

"Liberal heads explode in 3...2..."

"I can't cum unless he owns the libs"

"This is my entire identity and that isn't sad or deranged"

"4D Chess, baby"

George Conway 🇺🇸🚫👑🐸 @gtconway.bsky.social · 1d

He's trying to tell everyone to watch South Park?

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 2d

Pease porridge hot
Pease porridge cold
Nobody knows what pease porridge is

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 2d

Hickory dickory dock
Don't sniff glue
You'll start seeing mice
On clocks
There's one now
Hold my glue
I'll throw this hammer at it
I think I broke the clock
[softly weeping for 12 minutes]
[dry heave]
[dry heave]
Is the hammer ok
[dry heave]
Hickory dickory dock

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Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 2d

There is no Dana, only BIG FALL SAVINGS AT MENARDS

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Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 2d

What's your favorite Sisqo song about underpants

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 3d

ELMO: Elmo can count to four!
GROVER: I have a degree from a college on the Internet.
ELMO: Yay!
GROVER:
GROVER: You're... are you mocking me.

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 3d

Should have been called a Cheese and Ham Sandwich, massive overreach by Big Ham

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 4d

Welcome to the jungle
We've got David Blaine
We don't know what he's doing here
Seriously though, why's he here

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 4d

Cows are nature's camels

Reposted by Ron Sequitur ꙮ

Patrick Monahan @pattymo.com · 4d

[Bad Company voice] ♫ FEEL LIKE MAKING POSTS ♫

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Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 4d

"Where's my antifungal ointment?" he asked a bit too loudly. "It's a tube of ANTIFUNGAL OINTMENT" he screamed into a bullhorn he had found.

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 5d

GUY: Hi I'm Dave.
DATE: I'm Cheryl, nice to m-
PUPPET: I'm Crackers.
DATE: Uh, I...
GUY:
PUPPET: Dave. I'm thirsty.
DATE:
GUY: Sorry, I
DATE: No it's ok
GUY: [pouring water into puppet] No, it's not.

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Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 5d

DOCTOR: And how are we feeling today?
GUY: Great, can't compl-
PUPPET: He has a rash.
DOCTOR:
GUY:
DOCTOR:
PUPPET: It's on his balls.

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 5d

More like AromaSCAREapy, because I don't like trying new things

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 6d

President Angry That Video of President Makes President Sound Like Hapless Boob

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Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 8d

a man with glasses and a beard looks at the camera

ALT: a man with glasses and a beard looks at the camera

media.tenor.com

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 8d

[restraining jubilation] [singing into my thumb]

"money money money money.... .MONEY!!" okay yeah this thumb thing was a mistake

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Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 8d

That'll be $9000

1 1

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 9d

Tonight's content provided by

a green monster with the word weed written on the bottom

ALT: a green monster with the word weed written on the bottom

media.tenor.com

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Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 9d

If you like Pina Coladas
I've got a good deal for you
Come to Dave's Fancy Blender
It's my place, I am Dave

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 9d

Buttwhy

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 9d

[first day teaching sketch comedy]

ME: When you pantomime singing into a microphone, sing into your thumb. Lotta people go for the old "The mic is invisible" move, but trust me on this one.

1 1

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 11d

I have a secret handshake with my accountant, and by "accountant" I mean "mannequin who lives in my guest bedroom" and by "secret" I mean [37 seconds of dialup modem noises]

Ron Sequitur ꙮ @ronsequitur.bsky.social · 12d

🍊: [leverages his office to enrich himself]
RUBES: He is so smart

🍊: [engages in textbook white nationalism]
RUBES: Hell yah I voted for this

🍊: [installs himself as dictator]
RUBES: Can't wait to see librul heads explode, waah haha

🍊: [burns down RUBE's home]
RUBES: Omg, he is the master troll