artemis
@headbandsandhexes.bsky.social
29 followers 24 following 970 posts
the singular brain cell. | #mvrp | 18+ | mature themes.
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you must have something non-alcoholic. pass me a can.
that was then, this is now!!
okay, when we get to this guy's place, del can grab the feet, lalo can grab the hands, and we'll stuff him in the trunk and . . .

oh my crukking god, are you two drinking?! del! i thought you were READING.
okay, when we get to this guy's place, del can grab the feet, lalo can grab the hands, and we'll stuff him in the trunk and . . .

oh my crukking god, are you two drinking?! del! i thought you were READING.
yeah man here you go, should still be cold.
yo, can i get one of them beers?
oh, you did NOT just--

put your seatbelt on. i'm not letting that shit slide.

( RAPIDLY u-turning the car to tail the offending driver, shunting the car and everything in it quickly to the left. )
im so hard
that's MY job. shut up.

( an incredibly loud, drawn-out honk. ) HEY ASSHOLE, WHERE'D YOU LEARN TO CRUKKING DRIVE? THE APOTHECARY? UGH, GO FLORBLESNAPTOR A SNAKJONK! I'VE GOT RIGHT OF WAY HERE, SMEGMAFACE! ( giving him the 'snow shovel' gesture, famously crude in this portion of the galaxy. )
that's MY job. shut up.

( an incredibly loud, drawn-out honk. ) HEY ASSHOLE, WHERE'D YOU LEARN TO CRUKKING DRIVE? THE APOTHECARY? UGH, GO FLORBLESNAPTOR A SNAKJONK! I'VE GOT RIGHT OF WAY HERE, SMEGMAFACE! ( giving him the 'snow shovel' gesture, famously crude in this portion of the galaxy. )
HEY CRUK YOU DICKWAD!!!
oh yeah haha that one really spoke to me about the uh struggles of uh... yeah all of it. all of it.
( art is too busy driving to see what del's up to, exactly. )

yeah, that one's a good one, but did you read 'The Pattering of Tiny Feet: Confessions of a Proud Mother' by irma idyut? i thought that one was *so* brave, and just *SO* . . . *funny*, y'know?

hang on, i've gotta swear at a guy.
aw haha no!

i can't get enough of... parenting for dummies.
aw, are you *really*? aw, *del* . . . and i thought you were just up to something!
aw, are you *really*? aw, *del* . . . and i thought you were just up to something!
too busy reading all these really cool parenting books?
elaborate on that.
yeah i can drive urf cars, they're just like women.
--

but seeing the look on her lover's face, art frowns. ' . . . are you ok? have you been drinking again?'
'oh my gods, were you *asleep*? i told you to *pack a bag*,' art scoffs. she enters the small alcove of a room, a hand on her now not-so-small bump. she wants to go shopping, she says; her clothes don't fit anymore. 'we've landed. the first station we came across, remember? like i said.'

--
the floor is cold when she wakes. what the cruk was that? did she just micro nap? did she just astral project to another plane of existence? even as those questions formed she could feel her grasp on the dream slipping, the details melting away too fast. art was there. and so was...
your *guys*?
( wiggling her fingers. )

my guys.

( making a circle with her other hand. )

your egg.
'born fruit'? elaborate on that.
'born fruit'? elaborate on that.
𝓯𝓮𝓻𝓽𝓲𝓵𝓲𝔃𝓮𝓭.
oh, i *shivered*. i've got goosebumps. see? feel those.
oh, i *shivered*. i've got goosebumps. see? feel those.
𝕚𝕞𝕡𝕣𝕖𝕘𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕕.
knocked up is such a . . . crass term.
knocked up is such a . . . crass term.
( a smile. whatever she says. art is always right. )

i'm gonna make some urf kaw-frey. want some?
who is 'you'? i was never 23.

or pubescent.
lalo seems pretty cool with them.

do kids say that? pretty cool? that's why we're not hip with the kids.
it's okay, just don't do it again.
... ... ... Sorry?
woah, woah, woah. i didn't say *you* could say that.
woah, woah, woah. i didn't say *you* could say that.
Yeah, that doesn't prove anything, it's only math!
it's only math.
( looking smug. )

see? knows everything.
hmmm. wellll, using that chocolate pizza slice in your hand for comparison . . . i'd say . . .

1143.8941 gsm².
what's with the, um, man-thing in our garden?