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ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo

@coldchef.bsky.social

1.1K followers 510 following 1.6K posts

Undertaker, Overexplainer. Anonymortician. Memento moron. Failure is always an option. I have friends everywhere. I will likely let you down.

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ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo @coldchef.bsky.social · Nov 15

The Airbnb we’re staying at has questionable books on the shelves, but some of them are even autographed.

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ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo @coldchef.bsky.social · 18h

”Dick Harpootlian.”

Reposted by ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo

Beast of Booorbon 👻 @jenleepa.bsky.social · 1d

Some bigoted piece of shit Amazon delivery driver stole my trans rights sign—one I designed myself!—right out of my yard. I have footage of it and everything.

However: I joke’s on you, chucklefuck, because not only did I get cash compensation from Amazon, I used that to order two more. 🏳️‍⚧️ 🏳️‍⚧️

A yard sign with a trans flag background says

TRANS BOYS MATTER
TRANS GIRLS MATTER
TRANS MEN MATTER
TRANS WOMEN MATTER
TRANS LIVES MATTER

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ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo @coldchef.bsky.social · 2d

"The past is ugly," said Reverend Abraham Mosley, the first Black chairman of Stone Mountain Park's governing board, referring to the links between the Confederacy, slavery and the South's legacy of racism, which the museum currently obscures. www.reuters.com/world/us/bat...

Battle lines drawn over Confederate tribute at Georgia's Stone Mountain

The Republican-controlled state government authorized $14 million to redesign the museum to present a more balanced view of what the monument represents. The Sons of the Confederate Veterans sued to stop it.

www.reuters.com

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Reposted by ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo

Guck-o-lantern @gucky.bsky.social · 3d

This truly depends on the definition of “okay” as well as “polite company.”

Since it’s a peanut butter cup, allowing you to neatly lift it and it helps it maintain its shape, wouldn’t it be more apt as a bra?

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ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo @coldchef.bsky.social · 3d

I need a ruling:
Is it okay to call the paper ring under peanut butter cups their “panties?” My reasoning is that they’re ruffled and cover the bottom. My wife says I am too twisted to be in polite company. Who is right?
(It’s me.)

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ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo @coldchef.bsky.social · 4d

It should have come with a trigger warning. I cried the whole way through.

ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo @coldchef.bsky.social · 4d

John Candy>John Belushi
Better performer.
More generous.
Kinder.
Funnier.
A better man.

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ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo @coldchef.bsky.social · 4d

Heh. Try as I might, I can’t ever do this. Stupid mortician cap.

ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo @coldchef.bsky.social · 4d

Ensconce Goldie Hawn in bubble wrap.

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ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo @coldchef.bsky.social · 4d

On the bright side, we’re spared from ever hearing Diane Keaton eulogize Woody.

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ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo @coldchef.bsky.social · 5d

Please warn your undertaker first. They may have suggestions or offer assistance.

ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo @coldchef.bsky.social · 5d

Fried ice cream.

ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo @coldchef.bsky.social · 5d

I am always here to assist with logistics. It's the only thing I'm good at.

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ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo @coldchef.bsky.social · 5d

Frog log.

ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo @coldchef.bsky.social · 5d

For this we needs water? Let the meshuggah burn.

ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo @coldchef.bsky.social · 6d

You are welcome.

ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo @coldchef.bsky.social · 6d

Tony, Tony!
Listen, listen!
Hurry, hurry!
Somethin’s missin’.

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ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo @coldchef.bsky.social · 6d

I locked myself in the Day's Inn across the street from Graceland in Memphis, TN (there's a guitar shaped pool!) and wrote a screenplay in three days, fueled only by gin and KFC hot wings and won the LSU Screenwriting award.

ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo @coldchef.bsky.social · 6d

Get you a friend like @jenleepa.bsky.social who will find an antique dagger at a New Orleans estate sale for you to use as a letter opener/murder weapon.

Shady looking undertaker wielding an antique dagger that may or may not have bloodstains on the blade.

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ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo @coldchef.bsky.social · 6d

I love when Alamo shows something and you're like, "Well that's random," and then halfway through the movie it clicks and the audience barks laughing.

Reposted by ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo

Middle Age Riot @middleageriot.bsky.social · 7d

If "never leave your drink unattended" were a person.

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Reposted by ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo

Aaron Rupar @atrupar.com · 7d

NN: Dems say you won't swear in Grijalva bc you don't want her vote on Epstein

JOHNSON: No. It's scheduling

NN: But there have been Rs sworn in during pro forma sessions

MJ: Only reason was bc they flew in their family

NN: So if she flies in her family you'd do it?

MJ: Again, it's a distraction

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ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo @coldchef.bsky.social · 7d

My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from a guy who knows a kid who's going with the girl who saw him create antifa at 31 Flavors last night. I think it's serious.

Reposted by ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo

Beast of Booorbon 👻 @jenleepa.bsky.social · 7d

This new comic from @theoatmeal.bsky.social about AI “art” is exactly what I needed to read today. I hope you’ll read it, too.

theoatmeal.com/comics/ai_art

A cartoonist's review of AI art - The Oatmeal

This is a comic about AI art.

theoatmeal.com

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ColdChef, an Undertaker. Booooo @coldchef.bsky.social · 8d

I once got in an argument with a girlfriend about her spending. In the middle of the argument, UPS arrived with my pasta maker, the one and only thing I ever bought from QVC. I turned around, box in hand, and she told me, "Pasta is 80 cents a pack." I handed the box back to the delivery person.

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