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Chip Chantry

@chipchantry.bsky.social

910 followers 420 following 990 posts

Comedian, writer, twenty-third President of the United States. Seen on Netflix's TIRES. Check out my new special, MOVE CLOSER, on Youtube. https://youtu.be/_QKarKuuTdU?si=1cU6miLvUcs16w9-

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Chip Chantry @chipchantry.bsky.social · Nov 15

Hey Blue Sky. Consider taking a short break from reality this weekend, and watch my comedy special, MOVE CLOSER.
It's roughly 2 episodes of Mr. Belvedere long, and will hopefully give you just as many laughs.
youtu.be/_QKarKuuTdU?...

Chip Chantry: Move Closer - Full Comedy Special

YouTube video by Chip Chantry

youtu.be

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Chip Chantry @chipchantry.bsky.social · 58m

I love those little free libraries almost as much as I love those little boxes in front of people’s houses where you can take free mail.

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Chip Chantry @chipchantry.bsky.social · 18h

Only two weeks until Halloween and my sexy crossing guard outfit is on backorder.

Guess I know what I'll be wearing to Thanksgiving.

Chip Chantry @chipchantry.bsky.social · 20h

(Flashes pill bottle to beautiful woman at bar) Pretty sure I’m staying at your place tonight, so I brought my ACID REFLUX MEDICINE just in case.

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Chip Chantry @chipchantry.bsky.social · 21h

Has anyone actually SEEN the chamber where they keep all the commerce?

I ask the hard hitting questions.

Chip Chantry @chipchantry.bsky.social · 21h

This is extremely vulgar and distasteful of you to post, as I told you my grandfather perished in a gruesome, brutal pie fight.

Chip Chantry @chipchantry.bsky.social · 1d

I have that real STAR quality (someday I’m gong to explode.)

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Chip Chantry @chipchantry.bsky.social · 1d

Not sure- When did Dirty Dancing come out?

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Reposted by Chip Chantry

Jeff 💀 @gojeffgo.com · Oct 14

Maybe stop bitching about your own little problems for a second and help me find out where my wife hid the goddamn Halloween candy.

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Chip Chantry @chipchantry.bsky.social · 1d

My grandfather took every task he ever did seriously- from his first job at 7 years old, until the day he died in that pie fight.

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Chip Chantry @chipchantry.bsky.social · 1d

ME: Your honor, I plead GUILTY to being the handsomest man in this town!

JUDGE: You got arrested for shoplifting at a yard sale.

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Chip Chantry @chipchantry.bsky.social · 1d

I love how when we were kids watching cartoons, a visual punch line would often be something like “Oh hey, that wolf is horny!”

Chip Chantry @chipchantry.bsky.social · 3d

Someone trying to figure out the meaning of the kids' "6-7" is almost as sad and pointless as someone who is trying to figure out the meaning of- you know- life.

Reposted by Chip Chantry

Mel Stefaniuk @melstefaniuk.bsky.social · 6d

Uh Chip…they’re standing right behind you with the prize

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Chip Chantry @chipchantry.bsky.social · 6d

(pepper sprays them on instinct)

Chip Chantry @chipchantry.bsky.social · 6d

It’s fucking bullshit that those assholes in Europe and all you dipshits didn’t award me the Nobel motherfuckin Peace Prize. Fuck all of you assclowns. EAT SHIT

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Chip Chantry @chipchantry.bsky.social · 7d

Hey fashion people: What should I wear for an event that is “business professional“? I was going to a department store, but I ended up in this Spirit Halloween.