In the end, none of this matters. It's on me to figure and tough it out alone as I have with everything else, and if I can't then there's nobody to blame but myself.

I'm just tired of always feeling like this, with so much I want to do but I just... can't?

draw or animate just for the pure hell of it. I just want to do things I love for fun without worrying what others think because ultimately that doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter to anyone else except myself.

Why can't I just let myself?

I wish I didn't care what others think. I wish there wasn't what felt like a solid brick wall in front of every path I want to take. I could have probably been somewhere already. I have so many drafts I want to write, so many songs I want to cover, so many dances I want to try, or things I want to-

I know you can't learn to be good at anything without just DOING it and learning, but I am just so horrified of being bad at anything and people perceiving that. I don't know why? Maybe there's something I need to work through from my childhood, but again how can I afford therapy?

even afford our basic necessities? I can't land a job, so I can't just get the Healthcare they might provide either, so I ultimately just feel stuck in this hole of uselessness and self-pity at my inability to do ANYTHING I want to.

a crushing lack of any fire or passion in my chest for anything.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do about this feeling that there's a hole where any passion or motivation for these things should be. I know it's very likely my depression, but how am I supposed to treat it when we can barely-

them all together into some half-assed looking vid. I tried to play the flute or guitar in school, but I just never could seem to make them sound right, or understand what the music notes were or what they meant.

I want to do things, but if it's not my own crushing self-doubt holding me back, it's-

barely get out of bed and walk around without getting faint so can I really ever dance? I struggle to believe any of my art is good, it feels so far behind where I believe I should be in terms of skill. Animation isn't even really a thing, most of the assets are made by other people and I just mash-

However, it also left me feeling a bit empty. Like, why can't I do that? I love writing, singing, dancing, music, art, and animation, but I can't do 99% of that stuff, and what I can do is don't think I do well.

I'm too self-conscious to sing, I can't get my brain to work properly to write, I can-

dev experience, or any industry/professional experience in their field. Just a group of strangers with a passion for their hobbies who came together and said "Fuck yeah, let's just make a game together and teach ourselves how."

It's a great story, and I'm happy for them and their explosive success.

I was made aware of Expedition 33's soundtrack the other day, and I adored it. After watching a video about the game and how it was created, I had some very strong and confusing feelings.

It was just a guy with no game dev experience who went onto Reddit, and found other people with also no game-

Depression really just does the weirdest shit. I'm not even sad or upset about anything, I just don't feel like worrying about what to eat even though I'm starving. Like make this make any sense please.

It's downgraded to a warning until 7 pm now, but there definitely was one that cut across above us. Hopefully, we don't get any closer than that if any though. I'm definitely keeping an eye out regardless.

VAMPIRE REFUGEE REBEL LADY HELL YEAH WE LOVE THOSE.