if i become vaguely less embarrassed i may talk abt it here but: Scared. Scared

ftr when i say Friend Group i mean like. 4 or more ppl who talk + hang out (in person or online) Often
cause its like. i know a few sets of 2 ppl who Are friends, but we dont regularly hang out or talk together, and its mostly like "They are friends and i am third wheel-ing" (not their fault etc)

you either have to have a friend group that already exists pull you into it (which would not happen), or you somehow cobble together your own which is like. also No Way thats happening when some friends ive got actively dislike each other

so now im just laying here Thinking and that is not conducive to good thoughts

and everybodys asleep so its like
i just have to kinda jingle keys in front of my face until everyones awake again

i guess it Is the perfect time to write but like. do i wanna do that
not rly rn

its honestly just the curse of sleepong 6 hrs max
i passed out at 11:30ish
up at 5am
sleep meds still think i should be sleeping and also room is Frigid now so why would i wanna get up

ohh gotcha. ive been messing around with Utter a bit for similar effect. that and its easier on my arms than phone stuff
its nice to just get convos down sometimes

like
body you NEED this food. you need it to LIVE. you could at least make it easy on me since IM the one trying to feed you, dumbass

its like overstimulation except it makes me have to do my best to avoid vomiting, or usually i just have to stop eating early bc i cant stomach it

it doesnt seem to matter that much What im eating (tho as always simpler stuff is easy on my brain, which is fucking annoying)

AAA IM EATING RN DDONT KILL ME