* With my unfiltered ADHD my hands always have to be doing something so when I don't have anything they usually end up reaching for food. This is particularly the case in the late evenings when I've done everything for the day. My meds calm that down a bit.

I enjoyed the demo but knew I didn't have the time to invest in the full game but I will play them (eventually)

I mean bloody hell the life I could have had if I knew what was causing my meltdowns a decade (or two) earlier 🙃

If this is the root cause of my current Big Feelings it would explain a lot but I'm not sure where to go from here. Might have another long walk tomorrow to ponder it further.

Ah shit I think I'm mourning the life I 'could have had'. I.e. if I'd known all this stuff growing up and didn't waste* my 20s fixing my brain.

*It wasn't actually a waste because I needed to make that journey but you know what I mean.

2) I struggle to manage time when I'm by myself, which is why I feel lonely so easily. I didn't realise because it used to be the opposite.

When I was younger I preferred being alone so I could recharge from sensory overload. Now I can manage that better I don't need to be alone as much.

Took a long walk. Did a lot of thinking. I have a plan of action for where to go from here but also 2 new realisations:

1) Someone I thought I was close to treats me differently to other people, and that's been making me feel hurt when I couldn't put my finger on what was causing that feeling.

And yet you won't let me help 😅

Once my headache has subsided (😅) I might go for a very long walk today to see where my head is at.

I definitely need to take a step back from things but I'm paranoid I'll miss too many social events and people will stop inviting me to things.

This sounds like an exaggeration but it's literally happened before - not because people are uncaring but because proximity is a key factor in making plans

I may also need to re-evaluate some long held assumptions.

Yes I know this is annoyingly vague but it's 4am, I'm slightly drunk, and I don't want to say anything I'll regret tomorrow 😅

You didn't tell me this 💀

I have a Christmas party tonight and an unknown cutting my hair.

Panic sets in.

Ended up having it a bit longer than I usually do so it's easier to fix if not right 😬

It was a really nice day with some good friends.

But why did it have to start so bloody early 👉👈

Very almost fell asleep again (without another alarm set) 😬

Yes but I used to wear lycra shorts with nothing over the top so I've done both extremes.

It also depends on the fit of the tights and the undergarments.