"It's no use running away, we're a large organisation and we're got plenty of time."

"No! That is NOT Michael Eisner!"

"John Hammond is one of the dumbest people on the planet."

Look, it was this or every single straight woman on the planet getting really into Fifty Shades of Grey again

Trying to work out how to get the "Why? Haven't you got a vase?" joke into this

Yeah, we're not reading shit about how terrible prisons are that's written by a guy who thought it should be legal for him to rape children. Fuck off.

Reminded yet again of The Mary Whitehouse Experiences observation that because fewer people know what 'felching' means, it's easier to get away with saying it in public than 'bastard' or 'motherfucker'.

with a sign stuck on it saying 'woof woof I'm a dog'

It is an odd, slightly disturbing thing that when you ask people what they like about their favourite social media figures, you hear 'authenticity' like a drum beat, when the figures in question are always as 'authentic' as a fake of a cubic zirconium replica of a photograph of a Warhol painting

"Hallo everybody peeps. The root of suffering, she is attachment, innit?"

You see, I see people asserting that the eye-searing ugliness of his art is a stylistic choice, then I remember that he and his followers thought that this bonk-eyed homunculus was a flattering and heroic portrait of Frederick Douglass.

"Do you know anyone who can launder conflict diamonds? Asking for a friend. You wouldn't know them, they're a company in Canada."

Today in "Tweets that are a bit disturbing until you scroll down far enough to see the pictures"

This is all pretty much the plot of Mark Russell's Prez.

FUCK 'EM UP STARFISH