MTG and Elon both REALLY want to show their independence but also also still want love from daddy.
November 16, 2025 at 6:21 PM
MTG and Elon both REALLY want to show their independence but also also still want love from daddy.
"Hello Mr President. My name is Chris Hansen."
November 12, 2025 at 11:42 PM
"Hello Mr President. My name is Chris Hansen."
First Bowdoin-American to become NYC mayor
November 6, 2025 at 5:06 PM
First Bowdoin-American to become NYC mayor
In the Maine woods I established a curated, artisanal bottle dump with my favorite empty craft liquor bottles. I invite everyone to come back in 150 years and marvel at what once was.
Read and learn:
thelongbar.substack.com/p/a-second-g...
Read and learn:
thelongbar.substack.com/p/a-second-g...
October 9, 2025 at 6:56 PM
In the Maine woods I established a curated, artisanal bottle dump with my favorite empty craft liquor bottles. I invite everyone to come back in 150 years and marvel at what once was.
Read and learn:
thelongbar.substack.com/p/a-second-g...
Read and learn:
thelongbar.substack.com/p/a-second-g...
Well if I ain't a snail's turd! It's an email from old uncle Foghorn Leghorn, and he's gone all cattywampus and set down my voter info somewhere and it's gone and walked off! No amount of shaking the overalls upside down and looking in the sock drawer will turn it up!
Oh, wait, here it is: 🖕
Oh, wait, here it is: 🖕
October 7, 2025 at 7:06 PM
Well if I ain't a snail's turd! It's an email from old uncle Foghorn Leghorn, and he's gone all cattywampus and set down my voter info somewhere and it's gone and walked off! No amount of shaking the overalls upside down and looking in the sock drawer will turn it up!
Oh, wait, here it is: 🖕
Oh, wait, here it is: 🖕
Apple really needs to think about streamlining their emails if they don't want to end up in my spam folder:
Apple Services [email protected]
Apple Services [email protected]
October 4, 2025 at 3:13 PM
Apple really needs to think about streamlining their emails if they don't want to end up in my spam folder:
Apple Services [email protected]
Apple Services [email protected]
It's happening. Everyone should prepare an escape plan.
September 29, 2025 at 11:43 AM
It's happening. Everyone should prepare an escape plan.
I was twelve when Butch Cassidy came out and I saw it at least four times and then I got a cowboy hat and on my stingray bike with a friend I swooped out of the woods on the dirt road near our house when cars went by with the idea of holding up the passengers. Why am I not dead?
September 16, 2025 at 11:31 PM
I was twelve when Butch Cassidy came out and I saw it at least four times and then I got a cowboy hat and on my stingray bike with a friend I swooped out of the woods on the dirt road near our house when cars went by with the idea of holding up the passengers. Why am I not dead?
Why it takes so long to compose a simple email.
September 14, 2025 at 3:33 PM
Why it takes so long to compose a simple email.
For the love of Christ, just let them. I for one would welcome our iguana overlords.
September 7, 2025 at 2:42 PM
For the love of Christ, just let them. I for one would welcome our iguana overlords.
Found: Lair of the Dark Lord of Dark Rum., in Tokyo
September 7, 2025 at 11:20 AM
Found: Lair of the Dark Lord of Dark Rum., in Tokyo
This is a perfectly natural way to shake hands. There shall be no further discussion of this matter.
August 15, 2025 at 7:36 PM
This is a perfectly natural way to shake hands. There shall be no further discussion of this matter.
Do they award a Pulitzer for spam headline composition?
August 14, 2025 at 5:47 PM
Do they award a Pulitzer for spam headline composition?
EVERYTHING IS COMPLETELY NORMAL
August 1, 2025 at 7:52 PM
EVERYTHING IS COMPLETELY NORMAL
Murphy spent yesterday at a dog care center where they added ice cubes to cool the wading pool. A staffer reported that Murphy took out cubes and made a pile of them and growled at other dogs who came near. "He thinks they're a high value treat," she said. I have never been more proud.
July 24, 2025 at 2:57 PM
Murphy spent yesterday at a dog care center where they added ice cubes to cool the wading pool. A staffer reported that Murphy took out cubes and made a pile of them and growled at other dogs who came near. "He thinks they're a high value treat," she said. I have never been more proud.
Whips aren't sharp. Tacks are sharp.
July 16, 2025 at 10:42 PM
Whips aren't sharp. Tacks are sharp.
Hey Steve! I agree. Fuck all the way off. Bye.
July 14, 2025 at 8:18 PM
Hey Steve! I agree. Fuck all the way off. Bye.
I suppose there are many facts that are not in the best interest of our country -- such as that it was built with slavery -- but Rosie O'Donnell is, in fact, not a fact.
July 12, 2025 at 8:36 PM
I suppose there are many facts that are not in the best interest of our country -- such as that it was built with slavery -- but Rosie O'Donnell is, in fact, not a fact.
Training the robots to replace you seems limiting, long-term-strategy-wise.
July 8, 2025 at 3:41 PM
Training the robots to replace you seems limiting, long-term-strategy-wise.
National Weather Service to Public: MARGARITAS WILL KILL YOU. Why are the weather people yelling at us, and is there any science behind not drinking liquor during a heat wave?
thelongbar.substack.com/p/what-cockt...
thelongbar.substack.com/p/what-cockt...
June 24, 2025 at 3:59 PM
National Weather Service to Public: MARGARITAS WILL KILL YOU. Why are the weather people yelling at us, and is there any science behind not drinking liquor during a heat wave?
thelongbar.substack.com/p/what-cockt...
thelongbar.substack.com/p/what-cockt...
I hope some day to have half the intensity of five Canadian hockey dads having coffee while planning next winter's season
June 11, 2025 at 12:21 PM
I hope some day to have half the intensity of five Canadian hockey dads having coffee while planning next winter's season
** terrifying! checking closets now **
May 15, 2025 at 10:47 PM
** terrifying! checking closets now **