Advice
“Don’t hesitate to help people, you hear me, son? It’s important that when you see a man in need, you help.”
“Alright, pops.”
“Good. You know your mother always used to say – hey, what are you doing motherfucker, do you think I can’t open my own goddamn door?”

Justice
“The world really is an unfair place!”
“Didn’t you just get the promotion?”
“Yes, but I heard ten years ago, the last guy to get it also got his own parking space!”

The burglar asked the clerk. “Why do you think people say, God is dead? Doesn’t that seem a little unfair, not giving him a chance to speak up for himself? I really hate people who jump to conclusions.”
The clerk hesitated for a moment, and as he reached to open his bible, the burglar shot him.

Modern politics
“You know I was recently thinking…”
“Well, that’s new to me, but go on.”
“What if everybody were just a little nicer to each other?”
“That’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard. What are you now, a democrat?”

Miscommunication

„Fuck you!“
„Sorry?“
„No, now it’s too late for apologies, you bastard.”