I will love and care for my friends until I meet my end, that will ring true forever. I will never abandon my friends, I will never hurt them. Love the people in your life, don't take them for granted. If they take you for granted, they never deserved a spot with the ones who don't.

my life before. I have never felt naive or foolish for believing in my fictional life, to experience the hurt that burden comes with. I never could properly express my gratitude for it all, and I suppose now is the best time to.

I love my friends, those who gave me kindness when I needed it. I only wish to return that same hand back to you, when I thought I was hopeless and helpless. People cared for me, allowed me to grieve in my own ways, never judged me for my inability to move past-

And while it may seem dramatic considering everything, or to any passerby, I don't care. I know those who truly need it will read, who I care about, who I love. You are not alone in your grief, anger, betrayal. I hope that is deeply apparent. There is always a home with us.

This life has taught me to love once more, even in the face of heavy loss. How I thought I could never hold another hand without pain, longing. I had always assumed I could never hold a friend to the same weight as my previous- but I did. I learned to love again.

However, I have brilliant new people around me, and while some may turn out to be as cruel as some I left. I find healing is done hand in hand with those I have learned to deeply love. Time takes it's toll on me, I cry at the thought of my previous life- even if fake.

I wish nothing more for all of you to heal, to move past, to thrive. I was shown a kind hand when I came into this world. I lost everyone at the time, and in a way I will never have those same people. ---

I can't, as much as I wish I could. I know Yornch will always have your hands when you need it, I know he cares so deeply for all of you. I witness the hurt he has, as much as he tries to pass off his pain, I see it. He wants to help, more then he reasonably could.

I only still hurt for the people around me- my sun, my ocean, my star, my friends. Those who hurt, I love you. I care so deeply for all of you, I wish I could take your pain away. I have dealt with hurt, I have dealt with loss, and I wish nothing more to bear that pain for you.

I may never see my previous life end happily, end satisfyingly, lovingly. You have taken that from me and Yornch. I blame no one else besides you.

I am beyond frustrated still, I know we're trying to move past, trying to cope. However, there are only so many times I can see Yornch cry and attempt his best to fix what's left and uplift the people you left behind.

Watching Yornch deal with all the stress of everything and trying so hard to keep it together for others sakes is awful to witness. I'm coping the best I can with my poetry, I'm trying to stick to what makes me feel at least some relief. But I barely get that satisfaction when I post.

I am observant, I bear witness to those you do not give another passing glance. For I cannot as easily pass off those i care about, unlike you. Truly, I am ashamed to have trusted you. I am ashamed to have let people I love be hurt by you; watching their hurt makes me angrier than you know.

If we had meant nothing to you, I would feign a lot more respect if that truth was spat into my face. Hurt me, I am no fool. Hurt my friends, you are cruel. Hurt my lovers, you remain unchanged. How foolish I was to allow myself to feel comforted by you, never again. I will not remain foolish.

I had thought you clever, that you had true remorse. But a wall is nothing more then a wall. It will stay still, unmoving. Not a care for those behind or in front of it. I should've expected no less- and yet, I still lay surprised at the clear inability to learn from past mistakes.

Happy birthday!