Anne Scott
@theakscott.bsky.social
House spouse and perpetual dilettante.
If you won't let me flower in the dirt, I'll crack my way through the concrete and blossom there.
If you won't let me flower in the dirt, I'll crack my way through the concrete and blossom there.
Pinned
Anne Scott
@theakscott.bsky.social
· Jul 23
"oh my god this food is too hot for my mouth, I better swallow it!"
Who are these people backing into parking spots at Costco? Are they just there for a hot dog?
February 2, 2026 at 8:08 PM
Who are these people backing into parking spots at Costco? Are they just there for a hot dog?
Kudos to the fine folks working as inspectors at the fish sauce factory who diligently ensure that every drop, in every bottle, smells like the correct ratio of buttholes and armpits.
I would love to fill a bottle with vanilla extract and watch someone's face as they go in expecting reeky feet.
I would love to fill a bottle with vanilla extract and watch someone's face as they go in expecting reeky feet.
January 24, 2026 at 9:29 PM
Kudos to the fine folks working as inspectors at the fish sauce factory who diligently ensure that every drop, in every bottle, smells like the correct ratio of buttholes and armpits.
I would love to fill a bottle with vanilla extract and watch someone's face as they go in expecting reeky feet.
I would love to fill a bottle with vanilla extract and watch someone's face as they go in expecting reeky feet.
I like being around random parents dealing with their kids because I get to hear all their near curses. Today a frustrated mom exclaimed "mother of pearl!" at her stubborn child.
January 22, 2026 at 2:27 AM
I like being around random parents dealing with their kids because I get to hear all their near curses. Today a frustrated mom exclaimed "mother of pearl!" at her stubborn child.
When your phone is balanced precariously on a ledge and the vibration of a notification causes it to fall...
January 1, 2026 at 4:02 PM
When your phone is balanced precariously on a ledge and the vibration of a notification causes it to fall...
There are two wolves inside me, one that wants cute bracelets to wear to pilates and the other that thinks wearing jewelry to go exercise is a frivolous and actively bad idea.
December 30, 2025 at 3:52 PM
There are two wolves inside me, one that wants cute bracelets to wear to pilates and the other that thinks wearing jewelry to go exercise is a frivolous and actively bad idea.
When I got to where the stoplight normally is and it wasn't there, I realized that I had gone the wrong way down a one way street.
Good news is that no stoplight means "no turn on red" laws don't apply so I got out of there in a hurry.
Good news is that no stoplight means "no turn on red" laws don't apply so I got out of there in a hurry.
December 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
When I got to where the stoplight normally is and it wasn't there, I realized that I had gone the wrong way down a one way street.
Good news is that no stoplight means "no turn on red" laws don't apply so I got out of there in a hurry.
Good news is that no stoplight means "no turn on red" laws don't apply so I got out of there in a hurry.
Had a dream someone put a stick of butter in their bathroom soap dish and woke up laughing.
Dream humor is something else.
Dream humor is something else.
December 13, 2025 at 1:40 PM
Had a dream someone put a stick of butter in their bathroom soap dish and woke up laughing.
Dream humor is something else.
Dream humor is something else.
My guilty pleasure is reading the clinical notes after a doctor's visit. I like to pretend I'm in middle school and the doctor's notes are the diary of someone I have a crush on.
OMG, did you hear Billy say that my head was "completely atraumatic"?! I would so let him change that...
OMG, did you hear Billy say that my head was "completely atraumatic"?! I would so let him change that...
December 12, 2025 at 6:10 PM
My guilty pleasure is reading the clinical notes after a doctor's visit. I like to pretend I'm in middle school and the doctor's notes are the diary of someone I have a crush on.
OMG, did you hear Billy say that my head was "completely atraumatic"?! I would so let him change that...
OMG, did you hear Billy say that my head was "completely atraumatic"?! I would so let him change that...
We need some sort of uber advent calendar that gives you a new individual advent calendar everyday.
December 10, 2025 at 12:27 AM
We need some sort of uber advent calendar that gives you a new individual advent calendar everyday.
It's almost time to dust off your labia menorahs and celebrate Gynechanukah.
December 3, 2025 at 1:41 PM
It's almost time to dust off your labia menorahs and celebrate Gynechanukah.
If I had a 3D printer, I would make fake bars of soap to mess with my guests.
November 24, 2025 at 4:07 PM
If I had a 3D printer, I would make fake bars of soap to mess with my guests.
I think the hardest thing about transitioning was switching to a diet made primarily of trans fat.
It's nothing but Crisco and discontinued snacks from the 90s that I find unopened on ebay.
It's nothing but Crisco and discontinued snacks from the 90s that I find unopened on ebay.
November 19, 2025 at 1:22 PM
I think the hardest thing about transitioning was switching to a diet made primarily of trans fat.
It's nothing but Crisco and discontinued snacks from the 90s that I find unopened on ebay.
It's nothing but Crisco and discontinued snacks from the 90s that I find unopened on ebay.
I didn't realize the space between the vulva and the vagina was referred to as the vestibule.
I don't know how to feel about that exactly except to suggest that guests remove their shoes before entering further.
I don't know how to feel about that exactly except to suggest that guests remove their shoes before entering further.
November 15, 2025 at 9:07 PM
I didn't realize the space between the vulva and the vagina was referred to as the vestibule.
I don't know how to feel about that exactly except to suggest that guests remove their shoes before entering further.
I don't know how to feel about that exactly except to suggest that guests remove their shoes before entering further.
Me snoozing my alarm clock is just a cry for help to my bladder for it to wake me up.
November 10, 2025 at 1:06 PM
Me snoozing my alarm clock is just a cry for help to my bladder for it to wake me up.
It wasn't that long ago I learned about Accident, Maryland and now it seems that Crapo, MD also exists.
What other mysteriously bad town names does the Old Line State have in store for me?
What other mysteriously bad town names does the Old Line State have in store for me?
November 5, 2025 at 3:58 AM
It wasn't that long ago I learned about Accident, Maryland and now it seems that Crapo, MD also exists.
What other mysteriously bad town names does the Old Line State have in store for me?
What other mysteriously bad town names does the Old Line State have in store for me?
It's 2025, why don't we have a reality show where someone beats up a car for 30 seconds?
October 31, 2025 at 12:04 PM
It's 2025, why don't we have a reality show where someone beats up a car for 30 seconds?
I wonder how often someone performing a circumcision is thoroughly impressed by their own work?
"It took 3000 baby dicks but finally, I have achieved perfection, the pinnacle of my life's art!"
"It took 3000 baby dicks but finally, I have achieved perfection, the pinnacle of my life's art!"
October 31, 2025 at 8:50 AM
I wonder how often someone performing a circumcision is thoroughly impressed by their own work?
"It took 3000 baby dicks but finally, I have achieved perfection, the pinnacle of my life's art!"
"It took 3000 baby dicks but finally, I have achieved perfection, the pinnacle of my life's art!"
Side splits are a goal of mine so I am watching a 30 minute ballet training video on it. The main problem with all this is the giant plate of nachos I am scarfing down while watching.
October 27, 2025 at 4:39 PM
Side splits are a goal of mine so I am watching a 30 minute ballet training video on it. The main problem with all this is the giant plate of nachos I am scarfing down while watching.
Thank you for sending me a 5 digit authentication code from your 5 digit robo-text number, I promise I won't get these two confused with them right next to each other.
October 24, 2025 at 2:35 PM
Thank you for sending me a 5 digit authentication code from your 5 digit robo-text number, I promise I won't get these two confused with them right next to each other.
I think my desire for a larger bust and the lower cut tops that enables is really just because it would give me more real estate for crazy necklaces.
October 21, 2025 at 1:35 PM
I think my desire for a larger bust and the lower cut tops that enables is really just because it would give me more real estate for crazy necklaces.
We live in a world where 'upright' and 'downright' aren't opposites of each other. Maybe it should be 'downleft' instead except that's not a thing.
And you may find things 'uplifting' but not 'uplefting'.
And you may find things 'uplifting' but not 'uplefting'.
October 17, 2025 at 11:24 AM
We live in a world where 'upright' and 'downright' aren't opposites of each other. Maybe it should be 'downleft' instead except that's not a thing.
And you may find things 'uplifting' but not 'uplefting'.
And you may find things 'uplifting' but not 'uplefting'.
I need a game spoof of ICE where it's "NICE" and you're a swat team that breaks into the homes of needy people in order to help them.
Like a more militant version of Sneak King, that Xbox 360 Burger King game where you sneak up on hungry people to feed them.
Like a more militant version of Sneak King, that Xbox 360 Burger King game where you sneak up on hungry people to feed them.
October 9, 2025 at 4:32 PM
I need a game spoof of ICE where it's "NICE" and you're a swat team that breaks into the homes of needy people in order to help them.
Like a more militant version of Sneak King, that Xbox 360 Burger King game where you sneak up on hungry people to feed them.
Like a more militant version of Sneak King, that Xbox 360 Burger King game where you sneak up on hungry people to feed them.
If you want to add a pinch of awkwardness to your daily encounters, start pronouncing "secretly" like secrete instead of secret.
October 8, 2025 at 2:52 PM
If you want to add a pinch of awkwardness to your daily encounters, start pronouncing "secretly" like secrete instead of secret.
Do you think traditional origami artists feel a sting of dishonor if they choose something other than paper in Rock, Paper, Scissors?
October 4, 2025 at 12:34 PM
Do you think traditional origami artists feel a sting of dishonor if they choose something other than paper in Rock, Paper, Scissors?
Some words have too many vowels in them. I think whoever came up with this name was dictating it and had a mouth full of peanut butter.
September 26, 2025 at 3:06 PM
Some words have too many vowels in them. I think whoever came up with this name was dictating it and had a mouth full of peanut butter.