woke up w some congestion this morning and now i just have a regular-ass headache (which is a rarity for me lmao), but it's still annoying

Is more important than ever. I want to do it in spite of my disability. But genetics really had to eat away so much of my potential right when I was getting a foothold. God.

And this spurt of worse pain, when I've been *fine* for months, makes me fear it degrading my abilities. I have an appointment with my arthritis doctor next week, so I can let her know, but I genuinely don't know what I'd do if I couldn't draw, period. Especially in this time, when man-made art

i generally try to roll with the punches, and admittedly it's not like i'm in extreme danger when work is dry, but i guess with this lack of work, it's harder to tell myself that it's okay if my work isn't quite what they have in mind. sigh.

obligatory disclaimer.

i do feel like the bulk of it is my fault for turning down a lot of people last year, so now i guess they don't want to impose or potentially cause me any more pain. i appreciate the thought, but it does start to sting after a bit... i guess the economy doesn't help either.

Gladys may be quiet as of late but she's the alter who does not hesitate to tell me to stop doing stupid shit that is completely preventable

Even Canari, Corbeau, etc. just didn't leave much of an impact. I'm honestly not even sure what the Rust Syndicate's whole deal is because of how suddenly the vibe shifts as you work for them. They mix the signals too much I'm not sure what my takeaway is supposed to be.

Yeah, not to mention it sort of ties into a string of self-obsession, where she just takes credit out of nowhere without anyone really speaking up against her. I think all the characters in that leg of the game just don't have enough space to breathe, because honestly,

I think she would be an interesting character otherwise but that is like. Her entire deal. For some reason. She doesn't even change or adapt in the story so it's. So painful 😭