scums 👿 🍑
@scums.bsky.social
he/they/that scum. puns and existential despair.
are u a supervisor or a sub par visor am i right fellow bosses
January 18, 2026 at 4:05 AM
are u a supervisor or a sub par visor am i right fellow bosses
scientist who is secretly 3 ducks in a lab coat trying not to give themselves away: quark.
January 17, 2026 at 5:42 PM
scientist who is secretly 3 ducks in a lab coat trying not to give themselves away: quark.
fancy restaurant where the appetizer is so small another server immediately takes it away because they think you are done
January 13, 2026 at 6:00 PM
fancy restaurant where the appetizer is so small another server immediately takes it away because they think you are done
making a sparkling wine call it et tu brut
January 13, 2026 at 5:47 PM
making a sparkling wine call it et tu brut
no its not cute scums only makes puns when distressed
January 13, 2026 at 2:16 AM
no its not cute scums only makes puns when distressed
when astronomers go drinking do they call it a corona mass injection
January 12, 2026 at 10:55 PM
when astronomers go drinking do they call it a corona mass injection
is the plural of dollar general dollars general
January 12, 2026 at 10:52 PM
is the plural of dollar general dollars general
the existence of stanley knives implies the existence of tucci knives
January 11, 2026 at 4:43 AM
the existence of stanley knives implies the existence of tucci knives
u know when you make rice
you measure the water
you measure the rice
add a little oil (maybe a boulion cube if ur feeling spicy)
put it on high till it boil
put on the lid
set the timer
forget to turn it down to simmer
anyway i'm eating carbon for dinner
you measure the water
you measure the rice
add a little oil (maybe a boulion cube if ur feeling spicy)
put it on high till it boil
put on the lid
set the timer
forget to turn it down to simmer
anyway i'm eating carbon for dinner
January 10, 2026 at 2:40 AM
u know when you make rice
you measure the water
you measure the rice
add a little oil (maybe a boulion cube if ur feeling spicy)
put it on high till it boil
put on the lid
set the timer
forget to turn it down to simmer
anyway i'm eating carbon for dinner
you measure the water
you measure the rice
add a little oil (maybe a boulion cube if ur feeling spicy)
put it on high till it boil
put on the lid
set the timer
forget to turn it down to simmer
anyway i'm eating carbon for dinner
foreigner voice:
i'm sot blooded / check it and see
i've got a BAC of point nine oh three
i'm sot blooded / check it and see
i've got a BAC of point nine oh three
January 8, 2026 at 10:26 PM
foreigner voice:
i'm sot blooded / check it and see
i've got a BAC of point nine oh three
i'm sot blooded / check it and see
i've got a BAC of point nine oh three
opening a clamp store, call it vise city
January 8, 2026 at 10:25 PM
opening a clamp store, call it vise city
don't burn your phoenixes before they hatch
January 1, 2026 at 5:53 PM
don't burn your phoenixes before they hatch
axolotl with an atlatl
December 31, 2025 at 10:54 PM
axolotl with an atlatl
if a month ago you told me NL would be playing PUBG and DOTA in the same week in december 2025 i would not have believed u
December 31, 2025 at 1:47 AM
if a month ago you told me NL would be playing PUBG and DOTA in the same week in december 2025 i would not have believed u
doing shots of chechov's gin at the end of act 3
December 27, 2025 at 12:11 AM
doing shots of chechov's gin at the end of act 3
wint'er? i hardly dril'er
December 26, 2025 at 2:41 PM
wint'er? i hardly dril'er
would biblically accurate potatoes have even more eyes or just one big eye
December 25, 2025 at 2:33 PM
would biblically accurate potatoes have even more eyes or just one big eye
the legend of sleepy hollow is so unrealistic, there's no way that horseman wasn't getting head
December 20, 2025 at 3:19 PM
the legend of sleepy hollow is so unrealistic, there's no way that horseman wasn't getting head
everybody's twerking for the weeknd
December 19, 2025 at 11:08 PM
everybody's twerking for the weeknd
l'appel du sous vide
December 16, 2025 at 11:56 PM
l'appel du sous vide
never go whalewatching with the lockpickinglawyer, guy will always say it was not a fluke
December 14, 2025 at 6:52 PM
never go whalewatching with the lockpickinglawyer, guy will always say it was not a fluke
therapists should be able to write u a prescription for a lil treat and insurance should have to cover it
December 10, 2025 at 11:15 PM
therapists should be able to write u a prescription for a lil treat and insurance should have to cover it
if someone pisses u off, then piss them on
December 10, 2025 at 12:21 AM
if someone pisses u off, then piss them on
weird al cover of a tom petty song about going commando, call that free ballin'
December 9, 2025 at 11:25 PM
weird al cover of a tom petty song about going commando, call that free ballin'