safety james
@scampdastard.bsky.social
most correct man alive. in a twisted psychosexual dance with SNL alum Chris Kattan.
https://linktr.ee/safetyjames
https://linktr.ee/safetyjames
it's so fucked up when you look at the clock on your stove and it's 3:50. freaks your fuckin mind
February 6, 2026 at 8:53 PM
it's so fucked up when you look at the clock on your stove and it's 3:50. freaks your fuckin mind
it's an alien model, a flying kind of car
January 31, 2026 at 2:31 PM
it's an alien model, a flying kind of car
just gonna get this out of the way early so people stop asking whenever something crazy happens, if the news isn't any of these things it wasn't on my 2026 bingo card
B14
B4
B10
B8
B12
I30
I28
I23
I16
I27
N41
N35
N43
N39
G53
G57
G46
G48
G56
O74
O68
O75
O70
O66
B14
B4
B10
B8
B12
I30
I28
I23
I16
I27
N41
N35
N43
N39
G53
G57
G46
G48
G56
O74
O68
O75
O70
O66
January 26, 2026 at 10:12 PM
just gonna get this out of the way early so people stop asking whenever something crazy happens, if the news isn't any of these things it wasn't on my 2026 bingo card
B14
B4
B10
B8
B12
I30
I28
I23
I16
I27
N41
N35
N43
N39
G53
G57
G46
G48
G56
O74
O68
O75
O70
O66
B14
B4
B10
B8
B12
I30
I28
I23
I16
I27
N41
N35
N43
N39
G53
G57
G46
G48
G56
O74
O68
O75
O70
O66
walking through the polar vortex to go take a shit at the mall because your apartment is having plumbing issues. listening to the Marty Supreme score. you will never feel more alive.
January 23, 2026 at 3:42 PM
walking through the polar vortex to go take a shit at the mall because your apartment is having plumbing issues. listening to the Marty Supreme score. you will never feel more alive.
wheatus could've made champagne supernova but oasis could never make teenage dirtbag
January 23, 2026 at 3:50 AM
wheatus could've made champagne supernova but oasis could never make teenage dirtbag
2026 entering my senator palpatine era
January 22, 2026 at 2:50 AM
2026 entering my senator palpatine era
trend forecast for 2026: havana syndrome is back and in a big way
January 18, 2026 at 3:24 AM
trend forecast for 2026: havana syndrome is back and in a big way
folks. did you hear about this, folks? apparently fear is the new faith. people are saying this. my wife found out about it and now she's yelling at me for being unfearful!
January 17, 2026 at 2:50 AM
folks. did you hear about this, folks? apparently fear is the new faith. people are saying this. my wife found out about it and now she's yelling at me for being unfearful!
do it on the couch pg movie on the Roku
January 16, 2026 at 12:11 AM
do it on the couch pg movie on the Roku
actually I take back my complaints. I think mandatory QR codes could defeat ICE if we start spreading rumors that they spread 5g and spike proteins
January 14, 2026 at 5:09 PM
actually I take back my complaints. I think mandatory QR codes could defeat ICE if we start spreading rumors that they spread 5g and spike proteins
another hall of fame "overly complicated process for minimal actual results" piece of democratic policy for the history books.
I am introducing the Quick Recognition (QR) Act, which requires ICE and CBP officers to wear uniforms featuring QR codes. When scanned, the code would generate a digital ID displaying the officer’s name, badge number, and law enforcement agency.
ICE should be unmasked both physically and digitally.
ICE should be unmasked both physically and digitally.
January 14, 2026 at 4:54 PM
another hall of fame "overly complicated process for minimal actual results" piece of democratic policy for the history books.
ttrpgs are awesome because you can sit your friends down and say "meet this guy I invented. it's northernlion if his legs were 6 feet long and had the thickness of tree trunks. he is now part of your hero's journey"
January 11, 2026 at 8:21 PM
ttrpgs are awesome because you can sit your friends down and say "meet this guy I invented. it's northernlion if his legs were 6 feet long and had the thickness of tree trunks. he is now part of your hero's journey"
really tempted to get the Freddy Vs. Jason soundtrack on vinyl but 90$ might be a tad high for the funniest but ever
January 9, 2026 at 12:33 AM
really tempted to get the Freddy Vs. Jason soundtrack on vinyl but 90$ might be a tad high for the funniest but ever
i love the insurrection because i never forget my friend's birthday is today anymore
January 6, 2026 at 4:58 PM
i love the insurrection because i never forget my friend's birthday is today anymore
metaphors are just similes for liars
January 5, 2026 at 3:05 AM
metaphors are just similes for liars
worms are like a one-man human centipede
January 5, 2026 at 3:02 AM
worms are like a one-man human centipede
i did not have sexual relations with that worm-man
January 5, 2026 at 3:02 AM
i did not have sexual relations with that worm-man
sponge bob big guypants ok
January 4, 2026 at 5:33 PM
sponge bob big guypants ok
just heard about this max headroom guy. my life is more like min headroom because of tall my head is so close to the ceiling!
January 2, 2026 at 5:32 AM
just heard about this max headroom guy. my life is more like min headroom because of tall my head is so close to the ceiling!
guys on the news are saying they're calling the next year 2067????? this is crazy to me
January 1, 2026 at 6:42 AM
guys on the news are saying they're calling the next year 2067????? this is crazy to me
this isn't a bit, someone dressed as green goblin just walked into the bar I'm spending new years at
January 1, 2026 at 2:57 AM
this isn't a bit, someone dressed as green goblin just walked into the bar I'm spending new years at
aew doing 9/11 on the bean in their ppv graphics is the craziest payoff to a running bit I've ever experienced
December 28, 2025 at 1:02 AM
aew doing 9/11 on the bean in their ppv graphics is the craziest payoff to a running bit I've ever experienced
there's a moment in the new avatar movie where Jake Sully refers to the space whale Payakan as a "loose cannon" and i almost jumped out of my seat cheering
December 27, 2025 at 4:20 PM
there's a moment in the new avatar movie where Jake Sully refers to the space whale Payakan as a "loose cannon" and i almost jumped out of my seat cheering
big sack
big sack
Santa big sack ride a sleigh
big sack
Santa big sack ride a sleigh
December 27, 2025 at 12:05 AM
big sack
big sack
Santa big sack ride a sleigh
big sack
Santa big sack ride a sleigh