I enriched Halliburton by participating in the slaughter of poor people who would never be able to hurt us domestically.

Oh, sorry, I meant I defended the Constitution against foes both foreign and domestic. The profiteering and advancement of fascism was just a happy side effect.

#MarkLombardi

Half mast for Harambe.

It's not too late to mourn a hero.

Nice butthole! ..utthole.. hole..

And quite the echo! Echo! echo...

Now that we've secured our borders with Whole Foods parking lots, I guess I can relax some.

#WholeFoods

Also: please don't come to Rhode Island with that thing.