It's said 'you catch flies with honey'. But can't you also catch them by throwing shit at them? 🤔

Why isn't Alyson a male name? Wouldn't it make more sense if she was called Alydaughter? 🤔

i don't get why so many articles give u tips on how to keep pigeons away from bird feeders. If u decide to feed birds, why would u discriminate one? specially one humans domesticated for work (mail), and discarded once they had no more use? surely if anything we should prioritise feeding pigeons??

Clothes without pockets are like dicks without erections.

If country leaders such as iran and israhell wanted to fight,rather than competing to see who's got the biggest missile,they should have a sword fight with each other. But using their dicks as swords. The looser would have his dick cut off. The winner would get peace. And the people wouldn't suffer.

Just realised that Oasis' Wonderwall lyrics are "backbeat" and not "Brad Pitt, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out" 🫢

Apparently the Portuguese equivalent to the saying "they're dropping like flies" is "they're dropping like robins". Dunno why, but neither expression sounds very vegan friendly

Always thought ppl with fitbits ostensibly lifted their wrist in a dramatic way everytime they checked the time just so everyone would notice they owe a fitbit watch. Now that i owe one myself, i realised that that is the only way to get the damn screen to lit and show you the hours...

Regressar ao trabalho depois de férias é passar de "Troco deus por uma cerveja" a "troco deus por mais um café". E ouvir a Echo Beach da Martha and The Muffins on repeat...

Why doesn't the NHS app send you useful notifications? "It looks like you only have one week left of meds on your repeat prescription. Time to request more!"

"Hey, wait,I've got a new complaint"
"I don't like water from a plastic bottle. I prefer it in a GLASS OF GLASS".
C'mon English language. Creating more words ain't that hard... copo de vidro crl

Just had a flashback to the time when as a kid I realised that the word "computer" in Portuguese (computador) is literally "with fucking pain" written without spaces. And it still made me giggle 🤭

Some bits of the English language annoy me. Biggest pet peeve is "black bird" 🐦‍⬛. C'mon, seriously, u can't come up with a proper name for this species? Then there's the fly 🪰. Or the fruit flies. Fruit doesn't fly ffs. What flies is the imagination off the brains of the English language creators...😤

Real life pinball is having the ball of your lip piercing fall as you brush your teeth. Trying to stop it by creating barriers with your fingers. Watch it bounce up and down and left and right around the sink. And finally, down the drain it goes. Game over...