I want to end this by saying that I'm fine, I don't plan on doing anything to myself that would threaten my life, I would never do it, I just feel pretty lonely and sad, that's all, and I want to share my problems with... well, someone, anyone.

Thank you very much for reading, really

I'm really embarrassed to do this, but I've already written a lot, and I don't want all that I've written to go to waste, probably nobody will read it anyway, it's not like I'm popular or something, but I still want to try to share a little of my life

I don't like to tell my problems to the public, I feel ashamed, but I've run out of options. I don't look for people to give me answers, you don't have to don't worry, I already know them, but I also know that they are difficult.. Just by you all reading my problems I am already more than grateful..

I feel like I'm exaggerating this, I just feel lonely, very lonely... It's only the second week, who knows what could happen, I'm going to try to stay optimistic as always, I'm not going to give up so easily, but oh well

I'm going to try to talk to the people at my university to see if they'll put me through to one of those free psychologists, I know what I said, but it seems like the psychologists there are more qualified, maybe once and for all my stubborn mind will receive its answer...

It's like when they say "once you hit rock bottom at least the only thing you can do is go up", it's true, but they don't tell you that it is also the other way around... once you're on the top, you can only go down... that's what happened to me

I'm sure that if I got some friends or partners, my problems would be solved. And why am I so sure? Because I've already experienced it... It feels amazing to be loved, It takes away any shame you have because you no longer worry about what others think, only what "she" thinks...

I don't want to spend money on that, or make my family pay for it, I know it's necessary, I know it, but... I don't want them to worry, especially since they already have problems... +

Two psychologists and two doctors have told me I might have depression, and I don't know if I'm stubborn, but I want a real psychologist to give me the final verdict, since those psychologists were from schools, and the doctors went for stress... but i don't know how to find one, I don't want to +

I feel like the typical person who says "nobody in the world understands me", "I am the only one alive in the world" and stuff, I'm just a person who overthinks things a lot, who remembers every insignificant thing that happens to him, and I wish I wasn't like that, but I don't know how not to do it

I don't like to use the term "npc" but sometimes I genuinely look at everyone and they all look the same, no one looks like they take the time to think things through, I would like to be like that, but at the same time, no.

Sometimes I think that I would like to be like them, but at the same time I don't, My mom raised me to be a good person, someone who says please and thank you, someone who cares about others, who helps, who thinks before acting, and that's why i feel alive, but maybe too much...

They are different, at least people my age, I only get along with adults, for some reason I like to talk to them, everyone here is loud and violent and impulsive and vulgar and etc etc, obviously they are not criminals but I am simply not like them, and I feel bad about it

I'm probably not leaving anyone behind, but actually everyone is moving on without me, but I have never asked for help... someone to help me to keep up with them, because I feel like I already know the solution to my problems, It's not that people don't like people like me but... +

I feel like I'm leaving everyone behind, I'd like to post something on Twitter, but people want to see Yotsuba, not someone saying "hey guys I feel alone hehe", even though that was the point of my account, that it be mine... but oh well

Sometimes I realize that I haven't said a word in the 7 hours I'm at university, except when the professors ask me things, which worries me. I've always been quite shy about starting conversations, but I'm good at keeping them going, but starting them... Almost never

I've had quite a few problems and basically I'm the oldest in my class, and in the whole school apparently, so my chances of getting a date are even lower.. Because I practically have to find someone who not only talks to me, but is not 5 years younger than me, I feel like I'm surrounded by children

I've been at my new university for two weeks and it feels... Strange, everyone is completely different from me, It's like if people like me only exist on the internet, not in real life... Or at least in my country. I have no one to talk to and I feel watched and ignored at the same time

and even if I find one, I can only watch like 2 minutes before getting distracted, when before I could watch 4 hours of videos without stopping...