Roberta Gale
@robertagale.bsky.social
Pushing 70 w/out Flooring It substacker. Decades behind a mic. Paranoid, yet practical. Dog lover. Condiment lover. Meditation. Medication. Talk a lot. Occasionally very funny. Post-doctorate in foulmouthery. https://robertagale.substack.com/
Plus the secrets of Oyster Sauce, how to Tissue a Gift Bag, why you should never buy greeting cards, and a homemade museum tailor-made for wrink fun. Latest Substack post up now! Free to read, free to subscribe. robertagale.substack.com/p/a-few-thin...
A Few Things I Don't Understand Like Stain-less Eating
Plus international food fun and gift bag tissue-stuffing how-to!
robertagale.substack.com
February 11, 2026 at 3:51 PM
Plus the secrets of Oyster Sauce, how to Tissue a Gift Bag, why you should never buy greeting cards, and a homemade museum tailor-made for wrink fun. Latest Substack post up now! Free to read, free to subscribe. robertagale.substack.com/p/a-few-thin...
Hey, even I get confused by stuff at times--like cooking and eating while wearing clothing. My latest post on Substack--free to subscribe!
A Few Things I Don't Understand Like Stain-less Eating
Plus international food fun and gift bag tissue-stuffing how-to!
open.substack.com
February 5, 2026 at 2:55 PM
Hey, even I get confused by stuff at times--like cooking and eating while wearing clothing. My latest post on Substack--free to subscribe!
January 30, 2026 at 4:24 PM
Is it wrong to love a monkey more than your husband? My latest post details my primate love history, why I’m talking in a Southern accent that isn’t mine, and what happens when I lose my “Pause” bracelet.! Free to read, free to subscribe!
I'm In Love With a Monkey I Never Met!
Plus: An update on Ikea Darwin (my first primate crush) and my worst parody tune ever.
robertagale.substack.com
January 22, 2026 at 6:22 PM
Is it wrong to love a monkey more than your husband? My latest post details my primate love history, why I’m talking in a Southern accent that isn’t mine, and what happens when I lose my “Pause” bracelet.! Free to read, free to subscribe!
Herculean attempt by a man to cover something and put it in the fridge. More fun here! substack.com/@robertagale?
January 18, 2026 at 3:58 PM
Herculean attempt by a man to cover something and put it in the fridge. More fun here! substack.com/@robertagale?
NEW blog post: heart attacks, crockpots, aching thumbs. Free to subscribe. Share with friends who enjoy humor and a snarky, self deprecating, foulmouthed Wrink (oldster.) #women #humor #heartattack #food #aging
I Had A Heart Attack That Wasn't A Heart Attack Because I Have a Vagina
Plus more food melting pot love and also my thumb hurts a lot
robertagale.substack.com
January 8, 2026 at 3:35 PM
NEW blog post: heart attacks, crockpots, aching thumbs. Free to subscribe. Share with friends who enjoy humor and a snarky, self deprecating, foulmouthed Wrink (oldster.) #women #humor #heartattack #food #aging
I had my car washed and when I got back in, it smelled like a cross between Axe Phoenix and Fabuloso (the national scent of Mexico!) It turns out they jammed a clip-on scent into a vent and my frantic attempts to remove it only resulted in that fucker getting stuck deeper until I couldn’t see it.
January 7, 2026 at 3:38 PM
I had my car washed and when I got back in, it smelled like a cross between Axe Phoenix and Fabuloso (the national scent of Mexico!) It turns out they jammed a clip-on scent into a vent and my frantic attempts to remove it only resulted in that fucker getting stuck deeper until I couldn’t see it.
It’s become a tradition for someone I don’t know to sing an annoying, overly-sincere rendition of #Imagine after the ball drops in #TimesSquare and then #Frank swoops in and slams their ass into the ground. #tryhard #NewYear
TONES AND I WELCOMES (2026) WITH IMAGINATION COVER - JOHN LENNON (LIVE FROM "NEW YEAR'S EVE 2026")
YouTube video by Tones And I Videos
youtu.be
January 1, 2026 at 2:45 PM
It’s become a tradition for someone I don’t know to sing an annoying, overly-sincere rendition of #Imagine after the ball drops in #TimesSquare and then #Frank swoops in and slams their ass into the ground. #tryhard #NewYear
I no longer offer 'advice,' just 'warnings.' Example: If a Mexican restaurant wants to charge you for chips, leave ASAP. If they’re stingy with fried corn, imagine what else they’re cutting corners on. Home improvement disasters and other breakdowns in my latest rant.
I Just Wanted a New F**king Floor-- Not A Lifetime of Feeling Bad About My Entire House!
Now everything but the new floor looks like shit and I'm really cranky anyway because 'tis my season to be.
robertagale.substack.com
December 29, 2025 at 4:56 PM
I no longer offer 'advice,' just 'warnings.' Example: If a Mexican restaurant wants to charge you for chips, leave ASAP. If they’re stingy with fried corn, imagine what else they’re cutting corners on. Home improvement disasters and other breakdowns in my latest rant.
New post on holiday crankiness, oxymoron flooring made of records, Metamerism (look it up) and "Home Decor." I don't need a faux-distressed wood plank that says 'Gather.' If people are in my house, they've already gathered, Free to subscribe! #humor #dogs #chirstmas #oldster #oriental #home #shop
I Just Wanted a New F**king Floor-- Not A Lifetime of Feeling Bad About My Entire House!
Now everything but the new floor looks like shit and I'm really cranky anyway because 'tis my season to be.
robertagale.substack.com
December 25, 2025 at 3:48 PM
Why women’s #farts are scientifically deadlier than men’s, and why letting it rip might just save your #brain. New post up on Substack--always free!
Why Women Over 65 Must Fart or Lose Their Mind!
Plus: Stool Width, A Classic 1960's Bathroom Lament, And How to Write an Effective Doctor's Note
robertagale.substack.com
December 15, 2025 at 1:57 PM
Cotton-candy flavored drinks, Junior Mint and Tootsie Roll drinks, gum that tastes like rye bread— They’re all at the dollar store!
The Dollar Store: Where Failed Products Go to Die
Plus: Pre-OSHA Factory Tours, Costa Rican Phlegm, and Mole!
robertagale.substack.com
December 10, 2025 at 10:06 PM
Cotton-candy flavored drinks, Junior Mint and Tootsie Roll drinks, gum that tastes like rye bread— They’re all at the dollar store!
Get smashed on Nik-L-Nips and come with me to the seductive purgatory that IS the dollar store, where failed products die a mockable death and opportunities for humorous anecdotes are endless! Subscribe for free!
The Dollar Store: Where Failed Products Go to Die
Plus: Pre-OSHA Factory Tours, Costa Rican Phlegm, and Mole!
robertagale.substack.com
December 8, 2025 at 4:05 PM
Get smashed on Nik-L-Nips and come with me to the seductive purgatory that IS the dollar store, where failed products die a mockable death and opportunities for humorous anecdotes are endless! Subscribe for free!
Compost or stew? It doesn't matter if you can't handle food touching. More phobic fun on this week's Pushing 70 Without Flooring It. robertagale.substack.com/p/my-husband...
December 4, 2025 at 4:50 PM
Compost or stew? It doesn't matter if you can't handle food touching. More phobic fun on this week's Pushing 70 Without Flooring It. robertagale.substack.com/p/my-husband...
Some Elderporn for your viewing pleasure, and my latest post. Subscribe for free on Substack for once-a-week weird humor about aging!
My Husband Demands Chickenless Food That Doesn't Touch-- But I'm a Chicken-loving Chow Smusher!
Can Jail Food Trays Cure His Tragic Affliction and Save Our Marriage?
robertagale.substack.com
December 1, 2025 at 3:21 PM
Some Elderporn for your viewing pleasure, and my latest post. Subscribe for free on Substack for once-a-week weird humor about aging!
Get your ass out of the house and meet new friends to trash, look through stuff in my trunk, highfalutin bread at Walmart, and help me find Juju a home--he's the best dog ever! This week on Pushing 70 Without Flooring It
I Wore a Homeless Guy's Coat, Walmart Baguettes, Heart Paddles, the Shit in My Car and Juju Needs to Sleep in Your Bed
And get off your ass and have a good time doing stuff!
robertagale.substack.com
November 29, 2025 at 4:10 PM
Get your ass out of the house and meet new friends to trash, look through stuff in my trunk, highfalutin bread at Walmart, and help me find Juju a home--he's the best dog ever! This week on Pushing 70 Without Flooring It
I Wore a Homeless Guy's Coat, Walmart Baguettes, Heart Paddles, the Shit in My Car and Juju Needs to Sleep in Your Bed-my latest post on Substack. Free forever so why not subscribe? Only once a week--so it's less annoying!
I Wore a Homeless Guy's Coat, Walmart Baguettes, Heart Paddles, the Shit in My Car and Juju Needs to Sleep in Your Bed
And get off your ass and have a good time doing stuff!
robertagale.substack.com
November 24, 2025 at 5:17 PM
I Wore a Homeless Guy's Coat, Walmart Baguettes, Heart Paddles, the Shit in My Car and Juju Needs to Sleep in Your Bed-my latest post on Substack. Free forever so why not subscribe? Only once a week--so it's less annoying!
Body parts falling off! Cactus, Koi, Epsom Salts of Death, fun with mammograms, cane scam, unwelcome masturbation, Ring-tailed Lemurs—it’s all here this week on Pushing 70 Without Flooring It --always free and just once a week! robertagale.substack.com/p/its-always...
November 20, 2025 at 5:45 PM
Body parts falling off! Cactus, Koi, Epsom Salts of Death, fun with mammograms, cane scam, unwelcome masturbation, Ring-tailed Lemurs—it’s all here this week on Pushing 70 Without Flooring It --always free and just once a week! robertagale.substack.com/p/its-always...
Louis C.K.,’s unwanted masturbating, body parts falling off, busting foot lumps with hammers, and old lady outings. What more could you ask for when you’re Pushing 70 Without Flooring It? Gen Z’s welcome if you can trash me with something better than “Hey, Boomer!"
It's always something: on foot lumps, cactus, koi, and Epsom salt that smells like Axe body spray
And the magical smelling gift of Ring-tailed lemurs!
robertagale.substack.com
November 17, 2025 at 2:29 PM
Louis C.K.,’s unwanted masturbating, body parts falling off, busting foot lumps with hammers, and old lady outings. What more could you ask for when you’re Pushing 70 Without Flooring It? Gen Z’s welcome if you can trash me with something better than “Hey, Boomer!"
Last call for jumping strangers, insane dogs who demand their food be aerated with a fork, and an off-brand outdoor bistro set. Take the plunge and subscribe, damn it--it’s free forever! robertagale.substack.com/p/i-jumped-a...
November 16, 2025 at 3:48 PM
Last call for jumping strangers, insane dogs who demand their food be aerated with a fork, and an off-brand outdoor bistro set. Take the plunge and subscribe, damn it--it’s free forever! robertagale.substack.com/p/i-jumped-a...
Jumping strangers, insane #dogs, an old lady—it’s all here! Latest post on #Substack on living life as a wrink (old person.) You don't need to subscribe to read, but I'd love it if you did. It's free and only once a week. #humor
I Jumped A Stranger While an Insane Dog Watched
Because I'm just that kind of wonderful wrink
robertagale.substack.com
November 10, 2025 at 2:55 PM
I find it ironic that churches collecting food to those who lost #SNAP benefits consist of the same folks who voted for the guy who's taken them away.
November 8, 2025 at 2:22 PM
I find it ironic that churches collecting food to those who lost #SNAP benefits consist of the same folks who voted for the guy who's taken them away.
Hey, ya old wrinks--get off your low-hanging ass and make an effective phone call about a petty gripe! A the secrets in the latest post in my Substack on humorous aging, Pushing 70 Without Flooring It. Take a much-needed break from political news. robertagale.substack.com/p/effective-...
November 6, 2025 at 8:26 PM
Hey, ya old wrinks--get off your low-hanging ass and make an effective phone call about a petty gripe! A the secrets in the latest post in my Substack on humorous aging, Pushing 70 Without Flooring It. Take a much-needed break from political news. robertagale.substack.com/p/effective-...
Want to effectively complain about a personal gripe? The secret in my latest blog post. Plus tripping, Jello molds, personal chairs in public places, and the hell of unincorporated areas. Subscribe and share with friends. It's always free and only once a week!
Results-Oriented Whining: Complaining to Officials About Stuff That Only Bothers You, but Pretending it Bothers Others, Too.
Plus tripping, Jello molds, and the hell of living in an unincorporated area.
robertagale.substack.com
November 3, 2025 at 3:14 PM
Want to effectively complain about a personal gripe? The secret in my latest blog post. Plus tripping, Jello molds, personal chairs in public places, and the hell of unincorporated areas. Subscribe and share with friends. It's always free and only once a week!
Sexism and fun at Spirit Halloween Part Two. Plus Napoleon and Oscar Wilde strike a pose and Lesbians tease me! This week’s holiday post on Pushing 70 Without Flooring It. robertagale.substack.com/p/part-two-a...
October 29, 2025 at 3:16 PM
Sexism and fun at Spirit Halloween Part Two. Plus Napoleon and Oscar Wilde strike a pose and Lesbians tease me! This week’s holiday post on Pushing 70 Without Flooring It. robertagale.substack.com/p/part-two-a...