My toddler deciding which truck he wants to bring upstairs with him for his diaper change is the same as my husband and deciding which YouTube video he’s going to watch while he does the dishes (in that the deciding usually takes longer than the task itself.)
January 31, 2026 at 1:49 PM
My toddler deciding which truck he wants to bring upstairs with him for his diaper change is the same as my husband and deciding which YouTube video he’s going to watch while he does the dishes (in that the deciding usually takes longer than the task itself.)
Me [trying to bounce my toddler back to bed at 4am after his humidifier set off the smoke alarm]: * I wonder if he’s asleep?*
My toddler [reciting a list of random words like he’s trying to activate the Winter Soldier]: Neighbor. Wonton. Red park. Duck pond. Green bean.
My toddler [reciting a list of random words like he’s trying to activate the Winter Soldier]: Neighbor. Wonton. Red park. Duck pond. Green bean.
January 24, 2026 at 9:19 AM
Me [trying to bounce my toddler back to bed at 4am after his humidifier set off the smoke alarm]: * I wonder if he’s asleep?*
My toddler [reciting a list of random words like he’s trying to activate the Winter Soldier]: Neighbor. Wonton. Red park. Duck pond. Green bean.
My toddler [reciting a list of random words like he’s trying to activate the Winter Soldier]: Neighbor. Wonton. Red park. Duck pond. Green bean.
I never understood how people could translate their toddlers’ gibberish, but now I’m like “If he says ‘geebo’ that means he wants Cheerios. If he says ‘couple’ that means he wants a couple freeze dried strawberries. And if he says ‘heebeebee’ that means he wants to listen to Hey Baby by No Doubt.”
December 23, 2025 at 8:43 PM
I never understood how people could translate their toddlers’ gibberish, but now I’m like “If he says ‘geebo’ that means he wants Cheerios. If he says ‘couple’ that means he wants a couple freeze dried strawberries. And if he says ‘heebeebee’ that means he wants to listen to Hey Baby by No Doubt.”
I can’t pretend that my baby’s kisses don’t mean slightly less when he is also freely offering them to a decorative gourd (he thinks it is a duck) and a picture of Oscar the Grouch in a book.
October 8, 2025 at 8:54 PM
I can’t pretend that my baby’s kisses don’t mean slightly less when he is also freely offering them to a decorative gourd (he thinks it is a duck) and a picture of Oscar the Grouch in a book.
“I don’t trust him.” -my husband, re: Count Chocula
August 1, 2025 at 10:15 PM
“I don’t trust him.” -my husband, re: Count Chocula
Now that my wedding is over and I have a baby, my stress dreams are about…grocery shopping. I was at a house party/protest where Blink182 was playing and I was like “oh no I have to get back to Wegman’s to finish the shopping!”
July 19, 2025 at 12:13 PM
Now that my wedding is over and I have a baby, my stress dreams are about…grocery shopping. I was at a house party/protest where Blink182 was playing and I was like “oh no I have to get back to Wegman’s to finish the shopping!”
It wouldn’t sting so much when the pool is closed if it didn’t take upwards of 45 minutes to get me and a baby ready to go to the pool. I guess “attempting to go to the pool” is a good way to kill an hour.
July 16, 2025 at 7:45 PM
It wouldn’t sting so much when the pool is closed if it didn’t take upwards of 45 minutes to get me and a baby ready to go to the pool. I guess “attempting to go to the pool” is a good way to kill an hour.
Baby is now in the “pointing and screeching” phase. It’s like living with a very small Donald Sutherland from Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
July 12, 2025 at 2:28 AM
Baby is now in the “pointing and screeching” phase. It’s like living with a very small Donald Sutherland from Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
No one in this house has any self preservation skills. Both the cat and the baby will not stop trying to hang out on the enclosed porch, where I have put a thermometer and it has been 108 degrees since 8am.
June 24, 2025 at 4:35 PM
No one in this house has any self preservation skills. Both the cat and the baby will not stop trying to hang out on the enclosed porch, where I have put a thermometer and it has been 108 degrees since 8am.
I can tell our son has gotten taller fast because now he can reach all the shit we put on top of things so he couldn’t reach it. Soon we will have to live with all our items suspended from the ceiling in bags like we’re campers trying to keep our food away from bears.
June 5, 2025 at 7:57 PM
I can tell our son has gotten taller fast because now he can reach all the shit we put on top of things so he couldn’t reach it. Soon we will have to live with all our items suspended from the ceiling in bags like we’re campers trying to keep our food away from bears.
The way men feel about getting a cold is how I feel about being tired.
No one has ever been this tired. You couldn’t handle it. I am the tiredest person on the planet. I’m so sleepy it is actually unique and special.
No one has ever been this tired. You couldn’t handle it. I am the tiredest person on the planet. I’m so sleepy it is actually unique and special.
June 3, 2025 at 4:03 PM
The way men feel about getting a cold is how I feel about being tired.
No one has ever been this tired. You couldn’t handle it. I am the tiredest person on the planet. I’m so sleepy it is actually unique and special.
No one has ever been this tired. You couldn’t handle it. I am the tiredest person on the planet. I’m so sleepy it is actually unique and special.
Whenever I put my baby to sleep with sparrow sleeps pop punk lullabies, I feel like I’m doing the name that tune music round at a trivia night run by @ohhleary.bsky.social
June 2, 2025 at 1:55 PM
Whenever I put my baby to sleep with sparrow sleeps pop punk lullabies, I feel like I’m doing the name that tune music round at a trivia night run by @ohhleary.bsky.social
We’re still working on getting baby to try to talk/imitate animal noises, so Geoff is in there mooing at him and it mostly just sounds like he’s doing Maureen’s performance art from Rent.
June 1, 2025 at 3:37 PM
We’re still working on getting baby to try to talk/imitate animal noises, so Geoff is in there mooing at him and it mostly just sounds like he’s doing Maureen’s performance art from Rent.
Apparently I was taking too long to get milk this morning because baby walked up to the cat and signed “milk” at her. I like this relationship where he feels like she’s another adult he can go to when he needs something 😅
May 8, 2025 at 6:28 PM
Apparently I was taking too long to get milk this morning because baby walked up to the cat and signed “milk” at her. I like this relationship where he feels like she’s another adult he can go to when he needs something 😅
We’ve really lost the plot on baby sign language. Multiple times a day he walks up and signs “more” and when I ask “more what?” he signs “all done.”
I feel like one of those people who got their dog talking buttons and has to try to figure out what (if anything) “help bye” means.
I feel like one of those people who got their dog talking buttons and has to try to figure out what (if anything) “help bye” means.
April 30, 2025 at 1:34 PM
We’ve really lost the plot on baby sign language. Multiple times a day he walks up and signs “more” and when I ask “more what?” he signs “all done.”
I feel like one of those people who got their dog talking buttons and has to try to figure out what (if anything) “help bye” means.
I feel like one of those people who got their dog talking buttons and has to try to figure out what (if anything) “help bye” means.
I’m gonna need my baby to learn some more words because right now he is toddling up to strangers at the playground and literally roaring like a dinosaur.
April 14, 2025 at 8:14 PM
I’m gonna need my baby to learn some more words because right now he is toddling up to strangers at the playground and literally roaring like a dinosaur.
Somehow my baby’s sign for “milk” has slowly morphed into a “world’s tiniest violin” gesture and it’s confusing and nearly imperceptible but VERY funny.
April 2, 2025 at 9:35 PM
Somehow my baby’s sign for “milk” has slowly morphed into a “world’s tiniest violin” gesture and it’s confusing and nearly imperceptible but VERY funny.
We walk around yapping all day and trying to get the baby to repeat anything we say.So far the only words he has chosen to parrot are “dirt” and “mmmbop”, parenting is so meaningful.
March 19, 2025 at 2:16 PM
We walk around yapping all day and trying to get the baby to repeat anything we say.So far the only words he has chosen to parrot are “dirt” and “mmmbop”, parenting is so meaningful.
I got my son a soft baby-friendly photo album for his birthday and filled it with pictures of family. So far his favorite pages are the picture of himself and the mirror inside the back cover.
March 13, 2025 at 1:59 PM
I got my son a soft baby-friendly photo album for his birthday and filled it with pictures of family. So far his favorite pages are the picture of himself and the mirror inside the back cover.
One of the wildest things about parenting is having to apologize and comfort your baby after they bite you so hard it draws blood, because you yelled “ouch” too loud and it scared them.
March 3, 2025 at 9:49 PM
One of the wildest things about parenting is having to apologize and comfort your baby after they bite you so hard it draws blood, because you yelled “ouch” too loud and it scared them.
Left a voicemail for one of my senators and my baby burped directly into the phone before I hung up so we’re all doing our part over here.
February 3, 2025 at 10:04 PM
Left a voicemail for one of my senators and my baby burped directly into the phone before I hung up so we’re all doing our part over here.
If you want a really jarring playlist, try the Spotify radio station based on “I2I” from A Goofy Movie. Just rapidly switching back and forth between Disney songs and very sensual 90s r&b.
January 24, 2025 at 4:27 PM
If you want a really jarring playlist, try the Spotify radio station based on “I2I” from A Goofy Movie. Just rapidly switching back and forth between Disney songs and very sensual 90s r&b.
Needed something light and short to watch before bed so we put on an episode of Old Enough. But in s2 they flash forward at the end of the episode?? The kid who can barely buy noodles is a grown man now??? And his mom died?? I don’t need this!! I didn’t watch this show to confront my own mortality!!
January 10, 2025 at 2:58 AM
Needed something light and short to watch before bed so we put on an episode of Old Enough. But in s2 they flash forward at the end of the episode?? The kid who can barely buy noodles is a grown man now??? And his mom died?? I don’t need this!! I didn’t watch this show to confront my own mortality!!
No one warns you what an absolute nightmare noise it is when a baby starts grinding their teeth. It’s like all his teeth fell out and he’s gargling them. It’s like he’s chewing on rocks. It’s like he’s swishing with a bottlecap.
January 6, 2025 at 11:42 PM
No one warns you what an absolute nightmare noise it is when a baby starts grinding their teeth. It’s like all his teeth fell out and he’s gargling them. It’s like he’s chewing on rocks. It’s like he’s swishing with a bottlecap.
My baby has started waving, but most of the time he has his hand facing the wrong way so he just looks like a tiny John Cena.
a man in a blue suit and red tie is waving his hand
ALT: a man in a blue suit and red tie is waving his hand
media.tenor.com
January 1, 2025 at 6:57 PM
My baby has started waving, but most of the time he has his hand facing the wrong way so he just looks like a tiny John Cena.