Years of successfully faking drug tests only to play it straight and be undone by an Everything Bagel 😑
January 29, 2026 at 4:32 AM
Years of successfully faking drug tests only to play it straight and be undone by an Everything Bagel 😑
Don’t tell me you know comedy if you’ve never made a baby laugh so hard she pukes all over you 😌
January 26, 2026 at 6:27 AM
Don’t tell me you know comedy if you’ve never made a baby laugh so hard she pukes all over you 😌
I lowkey kinda love it when directors use the same character actors in all their movies
January 21, 2026 at 5:37 AM
I lowkey kinda love it when directors use the same character actors in all their movies
Oh Portman my Portman
January 20, 2026 at 9:00 PM
Oh Portman my Portman
POV: you said you’d “watch the game” with me
January 17, 2026 at 9:32 PM
POV: you said you’d “watch the game” with me
Smoke on the Water (basically Mezcal watermelon margarita). Honestly kinda mid, but lighting the rosemary on fire is fun
January 17, 2026 at 7:22 PM
Smoke on the Water (basically Mezcal watermelon margarita). Honestly kinda mid, but lighting the rosemary on fire is fun
Sad to say it, but watermelon cannot hold its own in a cocktail
January 17, 2026 at 6:31 AM
Sad to say it, but watermelon cannot hold its own in a cocktail
I knew the juicer was gonna be a gamechanger - did not expect it to be so emotionally satisfying
January 17, 2026 at 4:53 AM
I knew the juicer was gonna be a gamechanger - did not expect it to be so emotionally satisfying
Jacob Elordi adopting the same mustache style as me can portend only good things for this year
January 7, 2026 at 12:58 AM
Jacob Elordi adopting the same mustache style as me can portend only good things for this year
I feel like I’m organically learning Spanish, just at a rate so slow it would take me several lifetimes to become fluent
January 6, 2026 at 10:08 PM
I feel like I’m organically learning Spanish, just at a rate so slow it would take me several lifetimes to become fluent
5 years of getting absolutely face fucked by this company - but I got a juicer, so there’s that 🥰
January 4, 2026 at 6:34 AM
5 years of getting absolutely face fucked by this company - but I got a juicer, so there’s that 🥰
My favorite reads in 2025:
The Bright Sword by Lev Grossman
The Shards by Bret Easton Ellis
The Bee Sting by Paul Murray
Intermezzo by Sally Rooney
I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy
The Bright Sword by Lev Grossman
The Shards by Bret Easton Ellis
The Bee Sting by Paul Murray
Intermezzo by Sally Rooney
I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy
January 2, 2026 at 2:45 AM
My favorite reads in 2025:
The Bright Sword by Lev Grossman
The Shards by Bret Easton Ellis
The Bee Sting by Paul Murray
Intermezzo by Sally Rooney
I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy
The Bright Sword by Lev Grossman
The Shards by Bret Easton Ellis
The Bee Sting by Paul Murray
Intermezzo by Sally Rooney
I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy
It’s tiki time motherfuckers
January 1, 2026 at 3:12 AM
It’s tiki time motherfuckers
Hot take: no cocktail should ever have less than 2 oz of liquor
December 31, 2025 at 4:07 AM
Hot take: no cocktail should ever have less than 2 oz of liquor
I hate a garnish gobbler when I’m bartending
December 31, 2025 at 3:39 AM
I hate a garnish gobbler when I’m bartending
Me adding hurricane glasses to my already ridiculous collection of cocktail glassware
thanos from avengers infinity war is holding a piece of gold in his hand .
ALT: thanos from avengers infinity war is holding a piece of gold in his hand .
media.tenor.com
December 31, 2025 at 12:45 AM
Me adding hurricane glasses to my already ridiculous collection of cocktail glassware
Arabella’s new favorite song is You Are My Sunshine but with the lyrics changed to “you are my nugget, my chicken nugget”
December 30, 2025 at 6:36 PM
Arabella’s new favorite song is You Are My Sunshine but with the lyrics changed to “you are my nugget, my chicken nugget”
Lost my phone in a ball pit tonight
December 30, 2025 at 6:52 AM
Lost my phone in a ball pit tonight
Yo FUCK the craft cocktail revival
December 28, 2025 at 11:33 PM
Yo FUCK the craft cocktail revival
Derek Henry’s hall of fame induction should just be a parade of OCs and QBs talking about how they got to do fuck all nothing and still win games because of Henry’s greatness
December 28, 2025 at 5:29 AM
Derek Henry’s hall of fame induction should just be a parade of OCs and QBs talking about how they got to do fuck all nothing and still win games because of Henry’s greatness
2025 was front loaded as helll on horror movies :(
December 28, 2025 at 5:17 AM
2025 was front loaded as helll on horror movies :(
Category is phrases you might hear from pro basketball teams but not from crack addicts
December 24, 2025 at 8:26 PM
Category is phrases you might hear from pro basketball teams but not from crack addicts