open.substack.com/pub/calebgra...

Then take a breath
and listen
hear,
empathize,
and don’t take it personal
when someone says
they’d rather be in the woods
with a bear
than with a white man.

And I have done nothing
with the responsibility
to fix this situation
for everyone else.
I had my own shit going on
and I didn’t need more shame.
I was already full of it.
It was easier to fight,
to be defensive
dismissive.
But I was wrong.
I want a better life
you want a better life?

Most of the time

And I bought into the
“well, I’m a good man”
I’m not like these other dudes
who are cruel
indifferent
greedy
who disparage women
and believe they’re superior.

My life
overall
would probably be categorized
as pretty hellish
Won’t go into details
you don’t need to know
about the poverty
the abuse
the religious trauma
the resulting alcoholism
the near missed
encounters with suicide
Suffice it to say
it’s been a tough journey

The most frustrating part
the part that makes me
so angry inside
is that I have lived
on the defensive
my whole life.
I missed so much.

Truth is,
responsibility
for the way our ancestors
deeply fucked people
isn’t on us
But it is our
responsibility
to fix it.

You want to be strong?
Then don’t crumble
under the first
comment
concern
request
for change

we’re weak
we respond like
children
worse than children

I didn’t cause any of this
And my life isn’t easy,
I got shit going on too
I’m not the problem.”

“hey,
the way this world works,
really sucks for me.
You think we could do something about that?”

Instead,
we fucking fight
we lean back
into our physicality
and call it strength
we play whataboutisms
we dig in
and say “But I’m a good guy,
it’s not my fault,
why are you being so shitty to me?

I know
to carry around
our whiteness
and male bodies
blazing a billboard
of history
we didn’t choose
we believe
we wouldn’t choose

And yet

I’m fucking mad
I mean
what the hell
Are we so fragile
that we can’t hear
we can’t be curious
can’t listen
when someone
anyone
comes along
and says

Bills need to be paid
Work is stressful
You wanna be a good partner
husband
father
etc.
But it’s hard
it is
on top of that
there’s this
weird world where
we feel the need
to defend ourselves
After all
white men
have a lot to answer for
it sucks

This is for all the white dudes in the room.
Ladies, POC’s, queers, transfolk, take a break, relax, get a drink, use the restroom, go out for a smoke. Whatever you need.
This is for all the white dudes in the room.

I hope you’re well.
I hope things are going decent.
Often
it’s not
I know