Quaintly Fig 🐯🫖
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quaintlyfig.bsky.social
Quaintly Fig 🐯🫖
@quaintlyfig.bsky.social
380 followers 260 following 950 posts
Fig, 30s, enby 🏳️‍🌈 | OFMD, my forever beloved | 🫖 Stories, 🐯 Prompt Generators, 🦋 Events: quaintlyfig.carrd.co 🔞

pfp by @sweetpotato70.bsky.social 🩷🧡💙
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quaintlyfig.bsky.social
I’ve been offline mostly taking care of myself but I’m ready to poke my head out of my shell 🐢

Throwback Tuesday: Hear That Lonesome Whippoorwill

One of those stories that just flowed while writing, and one of my favorites 🩷🧡💙
Art by @smolbus.bsky.social
archiveofourown.org/works/580302...
Round bois illustration of Stede holding a cheezit up for Ed to eat. Ed is wearing the pink robe and sitting cross-legged, and Stede is wearing the blue robe and sitting on his knees. They are so precious I passed away.
September 3, 2025 at 3:17 AM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
So many possibilities for forced proximity, and these are only a few!
Text: Forced Proximity Examples seven minutes in heaven, body guard, teammates, snowed in, marriage of convenience / arranged marriage, co-workers, only one bed, road trip, double booked / rooming together Image: illustration of striped boxer briefs, striped socks, and a chile pepper
January 24, 2025 at 6:01 PM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
Smutty Trope Week
Theme: Forced Proximity
Dates: March 10-16, 2025
More Info: quaintlyfig-events.carrd.co#smutty-trope...
#OFMDSmuttyTropeWeek #OFMDCreativeEvent

If we have fun, we'll do it again with another trope!
Text: Smutty Trope Week Theme: Forced Proximity March 10-16, 2025 Image: illustration of striped boxer briefs, striped socks, and a chile pepper
January 24, 2025 at 6:01 PM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
🌹👑 “Like Lovers Do”

Rated E, 2800 words

AO3 Link: archiveofourown.org/works/62417923

Blackbeard is a king. Stede Bonnet is a prince. Their marriage forms an alliance between their kingdoms, but Ed is planning a coup. What he couldn’t plan for was Stede.
Text: Like Lovers Do by Quaintly Fig Image: a dusty pink rose lies against soft beige sheets
January 22, 2025 at 3:18 PM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
23. THE END #LikeLoversDo🌹👑
🌶️ Spicy
"I'm not sorry he's dead. He was an awful person, and the world is better without him." Stede reaches out toward Ed, and Ed crosses the room in just a few long strides, falling into Stede's arms. "Edward," Stede whispers against Ed's lips, "you've set me free. From my father, from my biggest tormenters. I'm free, and it's the most wonderful gift I've ever received." "You know, Stede, I think you've set me free too," Ed kisses Stede with everything he has and clutches him closely before asking, "Now, where were we, love?" Stede pushes Ed onto his back and kneels over him, lowering himself onto Ed's cock and taking him to the root. "Right here, I believe, my darling," Stede sighs as he plants his hands on Ed's chest and begins to move.
January 22, 2025 at 7:10 AM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
22. #LikeLoversDo🌹👑
"Do you know who we are?" The bald one shrieks. "I'm your fucking king. It doesn't matter who the fuck you are." Realization seems to dawn in both of their faces, and they scramble out the door, not even bothering to close it in their haste. Ed reaches out, latches it shut, and tries to anticipate what he'll see when he turns around. Stede has just been told his father is dead, and even though he didn't like him, that doesn't mean it will necessarily be easy news. Ed takes a deep breath and turns around, steeling himself to face Stede's grief. However, when he looks at Stede, Stede is smiling. "Stede?" Ed asks carefully.
January 22, 2025 at 7:07 AM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
21. #LikeLoversDo🌹👑
"Do you two make a habit of bursting into the prince's room without knocking?" They both bluster, clearly offended. "Stede? He's nothing special," the one with hair scoffs. "Don't be ridiculous." "Besides," the bald one intones flatly before Ed can respond, "we have news. The king is dead." "Well, in that case," Ed says, fire sparking in his tone, "Do you make it a habit of bursting into your kings' room without knocking?" The twins talk over each other, and Ed takes another step toward them. "You've delivered your message. I would strongly urge you both to be on your way to the border before we are dressed and ready to address the court about the king's sudden death, because I will have men on horseback hunting you down, and you won't like what what happens if they catch you."
January 22, 2025 at 7:06 AM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
20. #LikeLoversDo🌹👑
🌶️ Spicy + accidentally getting walked in on
Stede has just slicked Ed up and mounted him, moaning deliciously as he lowered himself over Ed's arousal, when the door flies open and two identical people burst into the room. At first Ed isn't sure if he's seeing double, but one of the two has quite a lot more hair. Stede has gone stiff above him. Not just startled stiff, but afraid, and when Ed looks up at his face he knows these are two of the people that have tormented Stede. He gently tips Stede over sideways, so that he's blocking Stede's body with his own, and slips out of him. He stands up and doesn't even try to hide himself. A king isn't ashamed of his body or the person he shares his bed with.
January 22, 2025 at 7:05 AM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
19. #LikeLoversDo🌹👑
🌶️ Lil bit of spice
They miss the sunrise — it's neary 10:00 a.m. when they wake - but that's ok because they have thousands more together. They climb out of bed and freshen up in the bathing chamber, both still naked, sneaking looks and little touches between them. When they get back to bed, Stede asks if they can make love again, but this time with Stede sitting on Ed's cock. Ed growls and rolls Stede on top of him. “Ride me, love.”
January 22, 2025 at 7:03 AM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
18. #LikeLoversDo🌹👑
After they catch their breath, Stede insists on cleaning them up and gently wipes Ed down before tucking him into bed and curling up next to him. Ed feels broken open. When he'd ridden into town this morning, he was The Great Blackbeard with a huge fuckery to pull off. Different than anything he'd done before, but somehow still the same old thing, leaving him jaded and discontented. Now? Now he's Edward Teach who never wants to sleep alone again, who will ruin anyone who tries to take Stede away from him, who doesn't think he'll be bored ever again. Not with this man at his side, in his arms, in his bed.
January 22, 2025 at 7:01 AM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
17. #LikeLoversDo🌹👑
🌶️ Spicy
"I'm yours, darling. Show me. Make me yours." Ed paints his husband in long, white stripes, laying claim to him as Stede praises, "Yes, so beautiful. Just like that, my king." Once he's spent, Ed collapses on top of Stede, and Stede holds him tightly and murmurs in his ear, "Thank you, thank you, darling. You were perfect for me."
January 22, 2025 at 6:58 AM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
16. #LikeLoversDo🌹👑
🌶️ Spicy
"Yes!" Ed rocks his hips, fucking his husband steady and sure, and he watches as Stede's eyes grow impossibly wide before Stede throws his head back and shouts as his fingers dig into Ed's biceps and he spasms around Ed's cock. Ed feels a hot splash on his belly, but he can't look away from Stede's face. He's a revelation. When Stede's eyes flutter open and he whimpers as he becomes overstimulated, Ed pulls out and reaches down, taking himself in hand and stroking quickly. "Fuck, Stede, tell me you're mine."
January 22, 2025 at 6:56 AM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
15. #LikeLoversDo🌹👑
🌶️ Spicy
"I want to watch the sunrise with you, Stede." "You want to keep me?" Stede sounds breathless, and his voice is so small, but Ed can feel his heart pounding. Ed looks deeply into Stede's eyes, wants him to know he means it, and says unwaveringly, "Yes." "Oh gods, Ed!" Stede whimpers. Ed feels Stede clench around him as he softly bites out, "Move!" The world's gentlest command, and holy shit - "Are you going to come, my sweet?" Ed's voice is fervent and hungry.
January 22, 2025 at 6:55 AM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
14. #LikeLoversDo🌹👑
🌶️ Spicy
Stede lets his knees fall apart, spreading his legs so prettily, inviting Ed to wrap those legs around him and fuck him, so that's just what Ed does. He hooks Stede's legs over his hips and lines himself up before leaning down and kissing Stede softly as he presses inside. Stede is whimpering Ed's name, and it's all Ed ever wants to hear for the rest of his life. Once he's fully seated, they breathe in tandem, holding each other as they adjust. Then Ed is moving inside of Stede, who is hot and tight around him, his mouth open in wonder as he's fucked for the first time, and Ed knows with every fiber of his being that he won't kill Stede. He pauses, and Stede must see something in his face because he reaches up and cups his cheek. "Darling? Are you alright?"
January 22, 2025 at 6:54 AM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
13. #LikeLoversDo🌹👑
🌶️ Spicy
They kiss and grasp and sigh and finish undressing each other, and Ed slowly opens Stede up as he trembles under Ed's touch. It's intoxicating. When Stede is ready, Ed sits up on his knees to slick himself, and Stede's eyes go wide. "You're dripping for me," he says with wonder, like he can't believe Ed is aching for him. "Yeah, I am," Ed says as he strokes himself up and down. "You're fucking beautiful, and I want you."
January 22, 2025 at 6:52 AM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
12. #LikeLoversDo🌹👑
Stede lets out a small giggle. "You know that's the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me." "The night isn't over, yet, sweetness," Ed smiles as he scoops Stede up, bridal-style and walks him over to the bed where he lays him down and bends over him, kissing him deeply. As Stede wraps his arms around him, Ed realizes how much he wants this. There's an ache in his chest, he needs Stede so badly.
January 22, 2025 at 6:51 AM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
11. #LikeLoversDo🌹👑
☠️ Talk that includes canon-typical violence - covering out of an abundance of caution
A small smile slips back onto Stede's face. "That's very kind of you to say. But I'm not sure whether I'll see another sunrise, so I'd rather not dwell on it. If I haven't ruined the night with my sad stories, I'd like to be here in the present with you. With my husband on our wedding night." Ed lifts a hand and gently brushes the backs of his fingers against Stede's cheek where a lone tear has escaped and shimmers in a bright line in the candle light. "I mean it, Stede. I'd cut their hands off, gouge their eyes out of their skulls. They would never touch you again."
January 22, 2025 at 6:26 AM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
10. #LikeLoversDo🌹👑
Canon bullying
"Oh, all kinds of things." Stede's eyes fall and his shoulders sag. "Made me french kiss a horse, tied me to a rowboat and threw rocks at me and left me to float until one of the gardeners found me and swam out to cut me free. Any time I told my father, he either chuckled and found their antics quite clever, or he would punish me for allowing it to happen in the first place. All I wanted to do was pick flowers or watch the seamstress work or read a romance or play pirates. Is that so wrong?" Stede was supposed to just be some ponce of a prince, a caricature like everyone else with any power, but he's real. And Ed can feel himself melting, can feel a tug that tells him that there's something in Stede that matches up perfectly with something in himself. The feeling is sudden and undeniable. Ed steps forward slowly, closing the space between them, but he leaves his hands at his sides. "No, Stede. That's not wrong. You didn't deserve that." Surprising himself, Ed adds, "I would never let them do those things to you."
January 22, 2025 at 6:21 AM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
9. #LikeLoversDo🌹👑
"I know I'm fortunate," Stede huffs. "I know that. But he's bullied me all my life. I've never been enough of a man for him. I never will be. And he lets everyone at court belittle me and play their nasty pranks." Usually this is where Ed would bite out a retort: spoiled little prince can't take a joke or boo-hoo, daddy doesn't like you. But something stops him. Maybe it's the way Stede's voice falls, or the way that his fingers loosen their grip in his hair and disappear as he takes a half step away. Maybe it's the pained look in Stede's eyes that Ed sees when he lifts his head from the now-empty air in front of him. Instead of bitterness or hostility, Ed feels a surge of protective anger. Working to keep his voice neutral, he asks, "And what did they do you?"
January 22, 2025 at 6:15 AM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
8. #LikeLoversDo🌹👑
🌶️ Getting a bit spicy
Stede is untucking Ed's shirt with a firm determination that still somehow holds tenderness, and Ed feels himself begin to stir in his breeches, but he maintains focus as he unbuttons Stede's shirt. "Why does that matter to you? You're the prince. You live in this fine castle, eat the finest foods, sleep on the finest linens." Ed nearly has Stede's shirt halfway unbuttoned now, and he pulls the fabric to one side and leans down, opening his mouth over one of Stede's nipples and softly sucking. "Edward!" Stede cries. No one calls him Edward except for Izzy when he's being a little prick, which usually upsets him. But, gods, does Ed love the sound of his full name on Stede's tongue. Stede tangles his fingers into Ed's hair, wrecking his carefully shaped bun. Ed groans.
January 22, 2025 at 6:12 AM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
7. #LikeLoversDo🌹👑
Ed pauses and leans back, examining Stede closely. He's going to use Stede's obvious attraction and fascination with him to keep the upper hand, but he needs more information, so he has to acknowledge what Stede said about the coup. Carefully. Ed begins to unbutton Stede's waistcoat and nibbles on his earlobe, making sure his beard tickles Stede's neck, before asking, "And if you've read so much about me, what makes me any different from your father? We're both kings, we both take what we want." On the word take, he tugs Stede closer to him, not exactly gently, and pushes his waistcoat off, letting it fall to the floor. A small whine escapes Stede's throat and he gasps, "You may collect land and titles and treasure, but you don't terrorize your people. Blackbeard is a feared king, but Edwin Bonnet is an ugly bully with a crown and an army."
January 22, 2025 at 6:09 AM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
6. #LikeLoversDo🌹👑
He's playing aloof, but secretly, Ed's heart is pounding. He was ready for a bratty prince, a deluded prince, a pompous prince - but not one who is sweetly romantic while being aware of his possible impending assassination. Surely if others knew, Ed and his retinue would have been apprehended already. Is this a strange joke, or is Prince Stede simply going to give up the kingdom without a fuss? He must know his father's life is forfeit if he believes what he's saying. He steps in toward Stede and cups the back of his head as he drags his lips over the soft skin of his neck and jaw. He feels Stede shiver and breathe, "Your beard is everything I imagined." "You imagined this, did you?" Ed purrs. "Oh yes, even before I knew we were to be wed. I've read everything about you. I've admired you for years."
January 22, 2025 at 6:06 AM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
5. #LikeLoversDo🌹👑
When Stede opens the door, soft light spills into the hallway, and when he ushers Ed inside and closes the door behind him, the noise and ruckus of the wedding celebration fall away. It's quiet, candles flicker everywhere, and the room smells of sweet lavender. When Stede pulls the curtains back on the four poster bed, rose petals are sprinkled over the bed covers. Stede takes Ed's hands and looks him in the eyes before saying calmly and matter-of-factually, "I know I might not survive this coup. But I do ask you this. I would like to know what it is to make love before my life is cut short. Will you do me that honor as my husband tonight? Will you join your body to mine like lovers do? And will you do it kindly?" Ed is taken aback but masks his shock. "When you ask so sweetly, how could I deny you, husband?"
January 22, 2025 at 6:04 AM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
4. #LikeLoversDo🌹👑
As the party winds to a close, Stede takes Ed's hand and gently clasps it. His hand is soft, and his hold is gentle. Ed's skin feels hot beneath his touch. "Shall we retire to our chambers, husband? I know you've had quite a long day." Ed just smiles and dips his head in a nod. Just because Ed can wear the persona of The Great Blackbeard all day doesn't mean he wants to, and Stede is right. The long days of travel, riddled with delays, have exhausted him. He was supposed to have gotten into the city two days ago and barely arrived this morning, and he's more than ready to pull the curtain on his performance. He lets Stede lead him back through the winding hallways to the room they will share together (if Stede survives the coup like a good little puppet).
January 22, 2025 at 5:59 AM
quaintlyfig.bsky.social
3. #LikeLoversDo🌹👑
In the meantime, Stede will be his alibi. He's not planning to actually consummate the marriage, but he will stay in Stede's quarters with him throughout the night while all of his best men remain in the hall, conspicuously partying the night through. Ann is already well on her way to being invited into King Bonnet's chambers. She's bringing him drinks and letting him look down her dress, and once the royal guard becomes bored with watching her flirt with the king, she'll drop Mary's custom poison into the last drink she gives him before begging off and flirtatiously declaring that her honor must not be sullied. The king will happily go to bed with someone else, thinking he'll continue the chase tomorrow. Yes, the fuckery is underway without a hitch.
January 22, 2025 at 5:57 AM